Talk:Super Mario 64/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 01:07, 30 December 2021 (UTC)

Comments to follow within a day or two. ♦ jaguar  01:07, 30 December 2021 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * One thing which strikes out at me is that the lead appears somewhat disorganised. The release dates are included at the end of the second paragraph rather than in the beginning of the first, and the second paragraph (development) could be expanded. The last paragraph should start straight away with reception "Super Mario 64 received critical acclaim...", and the sentence before that moved elsewhere
 * Third paragraph modified, removed the release dates from the lead, expanded the second paragraph a bit. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "The first Super Mario game to feature 3D gameplay, it features 3D freedom of movement" - the second '3D' is redundant
 * Removed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "A multiplayer mode featuring Mario's brother Luigi was cut, but rumors spread of his inclusion as a hidden character" - are these rumours worthy enough to be included in the lead? Especially seeing that this is in the development paragraph
 * Removed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "Numerous developers have cited Super Mario 64 as an influence" - could be expanded to something like an influence for 3D platform games or 3D gaming in general. 'Influence' sounds quite vague in this sense
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)


 * Gameplay to release
 * "or punch using the game controller's analog stick and buttons" - you could link Nintendo 64 controller here rather than the generic game controller
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "he campaign included advertisements on MTV, Fox, and Nickelodeon" - can Fox be linked?
 * Linked to Fox Broadcasting Company. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * " the game sold more than 2 million copies" - two
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * " in the United States by December 1996,[43] becoming the best-selling video game of 1996 in the United States." - repetition makes it read awkward. Try ...becoming its best-selling video game of 1996
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "During the first three months of 1997, it was the second-best-selling console game in the United States at 523,000 units.[45] By early 2001, it had sold 5.5 million units in the United States.[46] It was the best-selling game in the United States between 1995–2002, with 5.9 million units sold in the US by 2002" - United States is mentioned a further four times in the following sentences. This could be easily condensed to flow better
 * Condensed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "€21 million or $27,000,000 (equivalent to $43,000,000 in 2020" - the equivalence should be converted into euros as that is what was being specified
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * I won't let this hold back the review, but the Super Mario 64 DS subsection could be expanded slightly. The copies sold is ten years out of date - it's sold 11.06 million copies worldwide as of 2018
 * Updated. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "It was released on the Wii Virtual Console service in late 2006. This release added enhanced resolution and compatibility" - this can be combined to improve flow. ...in late 2006, adding enhanced resolution...
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)


 * Reception
 * ""The Whizz" of GamePro commented on the 1995 Shoshinkai version's smoothness" - most readers (including myself) wouldn't understand this. Why not substitute it for beta version or prototype?
 * Changed to "prototype". — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "and how the action in the game was a blast" - very informal, paraphrase it or put it in quotes
 * Quotes added. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * " Ed Semrad of Electronic Gaming Monthly agreed." - this reads awkwardly. Can you provide more context?
 * Expanded sentence. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * " Larry Marcus of Alex. Brown & Sons" - I'm quite bewildered at somebody from an investment bank commenting on the game. The source states that he was a video game analyst, so inserting that should clear it up
 * Added. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph of the reception section should ideally switched with the first, as per the usual WPVG standards
 * Switched. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "Maximum gave it a 5 out of 5" - no need for scores to be mentioned in the prose
 * Removed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * " Official Nintendo Magazine called it the first truly convincing use of 3D in a platformer[82]." - the source given links to Mean Machines rather than ONM
 * Fixed URL and changed the prose. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "Jonti Davies of AllGame commented on the diversity of the gameplay and how many things there were to do in each course" - might read better as ...commented on the diversity of the gameplay and the abundance of activities found in each course
 * Changed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "Doug Perry of IGN found the graphics simple but magnificent, and that the excellent animation and framerate fulfilled Miyamoto's dream of creating an interactive cartoon" - the latter half of this sentence reads like a copy and paste
 * That wasn't a copy-and-paste, but OK, I removed it. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "Maximum gave it a "Maximum Game of the Month Award", making it the only import game (predating its international release) to win that honor, and called it the greatest game the magazine had ever reviewed" - will read better as Maximum gave it a "Maximum Game of the Month Award" before its international release, citing it the greatest game the magazine had ever reviewed
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 15:24, 31 December 2021 (UTC)


 * Legacy
 * " In the 3D transition, many of the series's conventions were rethought drastically" - what does 3D transition mean? The game's transition to 3D during development, or video games in general during the mid 1990s?
 * Specified to "As the 3D platformer genre evolved". — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "operated by the in-game character Lakitu" - this statement is much more suitable for the gameplay section rather than legacy
 * I just removed that since I couldn't find a good place to put it in the gameplay section. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "Nintendo Power stated the camera control scheme is what transitioned platform games into 3D" - I feel that this could be rephrased
 * Rephrased to "Nintendo Power stated the introduction of the camera control scheme was an important moment for the 3D platformer genre", is that okay? — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "The Nintendo 64's analog stick affords more precise and wide-ranging character movements than the digital D-pads of other consoles, and Super Mario 64's use of this was novel" - this reads awkwardly. Try something like Super Mario 64's use of the analogue stick was novel, affording more precise and wide-ranging character movements than the digital D-pads of other consoles
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "but after one week, he wasn't found" - informal. Replace this simply with to no avail
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 21:12, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * "and were grouped into the "Super Mario 64 iceberg"" - this will confuse unfamiliar readers. Can you elaborate was the iceberg is? A meme, or depiction of an iceberg illustrating varying levels of depth etc?
 * Added that it's a meme. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * "Miyamoto mentioned at the 1997 E3 convention that he was "just getting started" on the project" - perhaps try Miyamoto affirmed that work on the sequel had only commenced at the time of the 1997 E3 convention
 * Fixed. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:17, 1 January 2022 (UTC)

I congratulate you on the hard work you've put in to improve this article. I was going to get this to GA myself earlier this year but didn't have the time. Overall the article is solid and comprehensive and meets most of the GA criteria. There are several instances of ungainly prose but nothing which can't be addressed. I will leave this on hold. Please get back to me if you have any questions. ♦ jaguar  18:46, 30 December 2021 (UTC)
 * Hello,, I think I've addressed all the issues you've described. — Coolperson177 (t&#124;c) 19:23, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I've read through the article again and am confident that it meets the GA criteria. A very well deserved GA for an important video game - well done! ♦  jaguar  00:16, 2 January 2022 (UTC)