Talk:Surachman Tjokroadisurjo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 10:33, 2 August 2023 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. AM

Lead section / infobox

 * Link cabinets (Cabinet (government)).
 * Linked


 * National Revolution – amend to its full title, ‘Indonesian National Revolution’, for the sake of clarity.
 * Changed


 * Delft Institute of Technology – I would include that this is in the Netherlands.
 * Added


 * returned to Indonesia – during this period, was it not referred to as 'the East Indies'?
 * Depending on who you asked, but yeah, fair enough, changed


 * Minister of Finance is a duplicate link.
 * Delinked

1 Early life

 * Link internship.
 * I feel like this will be a bit of WP:OVERLINK.
 * Understood. AM


 * descendent - ‘descendant’
 * Fixed


 * the third – ‘was the third’.
 * Fixed


 * Europeesche Lagere School – has no italics.
 * Straightened up, and same for the next name


 * Add a comma after went to the Netherlands.
 * Added


 * Amend Prior returning to the Indies to something like ‘Before returning to the East Indies’, to improve the prose.
 * Amended

2 Early career

 * Link laboratory; nationalists (Nationalism).
 * Same, laboratory feels like a bit of overlinking?


 * After returning – amend to ‘After returning from Germany’ for the sake of clarity.
 * Fair enough


 * rejecting a job offer in the police department – this should a separate sentence, to improve the prose.
 * Separated


 * Introduce Sukarno.
 * Done


 * Add a comma after donations.
 * Added

3 Political career

 * hike – ‘increase’ is more encyclopedic.
 * Done


 * Link civil servants; bureaucrats; government bonds; opium; tin mining; nationalisation.
 * Is the first two needed? Linked the other 3.
 * I'm going with the flow here... :) AM


 * Not long after, however is redundant text and can be omitted.
 * Removed


 * Why significant?
 * to poor archiving – it’s not clear to me what this phrase means.
 * would default on – makes little sense.
 * Reworded the section in question for the 3 points above. Does it flow better now?
 * Looks fine now. AM


 * inside of his home - ‘inside his home’?
 * Fixed


 * Operation Product – a brief explanation (perhaps in brackets) would be useful.
 * Would that suffice?
 * Looks OK. AM


 * of UI - ‘of the UI’ sounds better.
 * Fixed


 * He was also still active in Bandung, lecturing – ‘He continued to lecture’ sounds better imo.
 * Updated to "lectured", I just realize I never said he lectured that before.

4 Personal life

 * His wife, Sunarti, was 16 – no commas are needed here.
 * Fixed


 * While – ‘and’.
 * Which one do you mean? If it's the personal life 'while', shouldn't it be more appropriate as it's a comparison?
 * Apologies, my brain melts after several hours of GA reviews.AM


 * Why at the time?
 * Same as above
 * She was the sole daughter of the regent of Grobogan at the time - implies that another daughter reappears later... I would simplify it to 'She was the sole daughter of the regent of Grobogan at the time'. Feel free to ignore me here. Amitchell125 (talk) 15:36, 8 August 2023 (UTC)

5 References
No plagiarism found.


 * The link for Anderson’s book is dated 1972, not 2006.
 * I hate versions. Fixed


 * Ref 17 (Suryomenggolo) should be listed in full within the Sources section, not here. Only a short citation (Name/Year/Page) is needed in this section.
 * Relocated

On hold
I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 12 August to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 16:07, 4 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Issues addressed, I believe. Juxlos (talk) 12:42, 8 August 2023 (UTC)

Passing
Passing now, great work Juxlos. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 15:40, 8 August 2023 (UTC)