Talk:Surround (video game)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Nominator: 14:41, 21 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: KwanFlakes (talk · contribs) 09:19, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Picking up and beginning this review. Thank you, for improving and expanding this article. Since I am still new to GA reviewing an experienced reviewer will also be taking a look. I'll have some initial comments in the next 24 hours.

Review
Overall a well-written article and one that shouldn't need too much work to get it over the line. Room for improvement with regard to grammatical and contextual issues are noted below, split by section. There was also one issue found with the references. This article has been placed on a 7-day hold to allow time for these improvements to occur.

Lead
The reference to Blockade in the first paragraph causes the rest of the paragraph to read like a description for that game, not necessarily Surround itself. As the similarities between the games are noted in the next paragraph, removing this reference or rewording the paragraph could be considered (though I'd personally go for removal).
 * Fair. Tried re-phrasing this and introducing the historical stuff about Blockade later. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

“Video Graffiti” is described as being a single mode here and in the Development section, but as two modes in other parts of the article.
 * Good call. Re-phrased this to note there are two modes of "Video Graffiti". Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Gameplay
The second paragraph here reads quite clunky, especially with the sentence beginning “The final two modes are…” being sandwiched between “Other modes allow for…” and “A final feature offers…”.
 * All true. Tried to re-organize this. Tell me what you think. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * This is the only thing (aside from the reference) that I think needs a bit of work before proceeding. The game modes provide notable variations on gameplay and are (from the reviews) pretty central to a full enjoyment of the game. I think it's notable that there are only five variations (players, speed, diagonal movement, erase, and wraparound) that combine in various ways to produce different games. I think this paragraph needs a little bit of an overhaul to capture everything, though the sentences relating to the "Video Graffiti" mode are currently very good. KwanFlakes (talk) 16:45, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Fair. I've made it more clear. Looking at the box, I didn't even realize that most of these are only available in two-player mode. I think applying the table is a bit over the top, but I think it is clear in the prose now what is available. Andrzejbanas (talk) 22:17, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Really good, and yeah the box was likely a little too much but what you've done sums it up really well! KwanFlakes (talk) 10:26, 7 July 2024 (UTC)

Development
Music Operators of America was given the acronym MOA in the lead, so probably doesn’t need to be reproduced again here. Consider either replacing “Music Operators of America (MOA)” with “MOA” or removing the “(MOA)” both here and in the lead.
 * Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

“Video Graffiti” is described as being a single mode here and in the lead section, but as two modes in other parts of the article.
 * Re-phrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Release
Is there a particular reason the review box doesn’t include all reviews mentioned in the article?
 * Can't find the specific rule for this, but I believe we only include numeric ratings in this infobox. Not terms like "positive, "very positive" "very negative" etc. I feel weird about including Video{'}s number ratings, as there is no "overall score" which I don't think we should include per WP:STICKTOSOURCE. I think explaining it in the prose clarifies for it anyone reading the article.Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * I think you're right, and am happy with this section. KwanFlakes (talk) 16:45, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

The reviews by Video mention “the first 12 variations of the game”. Keeping with the rest of the article, “modes” or “game modes” may be more fitting and reduce confusion for a general audience.
 * re-phrased to modes and clarified they are talking about the snake game. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Following from the above, the total number of variations/modes is not listed or clear either here or elsewhere, and references to specific game modes (particularly the reference to “mode six”) lack meaning and context. It could be worth defining all game modes somewhere, or perhaps going into more detail here about the specific variety of gameplay that mode 6 offers. I notice the "game select matrix" on page 4 of the game manual — could that be worth reproducing as a table somewhere?
 * I've re-phrased this. I'd normally re-do the modes, but I'm worried about waddling too much into overt details that only interest specific viewers or a "guide". The modes just vary a few gameplay things, so instead of having a player have to go back and forht to check what happens in mode 6, i've explained the mode there (w/source) Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * I think this is the right way to go about it, but that the modes might need more explaining (as said above). KwanFlakes (talk) 16:45, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

The final sentence in the first paragraph (beginning "David H. Ahl found…”) likely needs to be broken up or reworded for clarity.
 * Tried re-phrasing this. The Grafitti mode is practically its own bonus thing, so I had different viewers comment on it here on their own. Andrzejbanas (talk) 14:56, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

The portion of the final sentence of this section “saying its unique gameplay to the system” could be reworded to increase the clarity of the sentence, which is at present confusing.
 * Re-phrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 15:31, 6 July 2024 (UTC)