Talk:Susanna Cole/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 15:49, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll be reveiwing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:49, 14 January 2013 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * Some spots where the prose needs a bit of work
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

General:
 * Throughout the article - we should refer to her as "Cole" or "Hutchinson" ... not "Susanna". See WP:SURNAME.
 * I've changed most instances; there are still some murky areas where I've left the name as Susanna to avoid confusion.


 * Lead:
 * "Born in Alford, Lincolnshire, England, she was less than a year old..." should be "Born in Alford, Lincolnshire, England, Hutchinson was less than a year old..."
 * Changed wording as suggested


 * "Shortly after her father's death, when she was about eight years old, she, her mother and six of her siblings left Rhode Island to live in New Netherland, settling in an area that became the far northeastern section of the Bronx in New York City, near the Westchester County line." very convoluted sentence - suggest restructuring into two sentences?
 * This has been broken into two sentences.


 * Early life:
 * "She was the 14th child of her parents, of which 11 survived to make the trip to the New World, with one more born in New England." two problems with this. First, you should use "1" in the last phrase - since you're comparing things, you use the same for all of the compared things. See WP:ORDINAL second bullet point.
 * Fixed by doing a little rewording


 * "She held some religious views at odds..." it's unclear which "She" is referred to here ...
 * I've added that it was her mother who had the different religious views.


 * Family:
 * "Susanna and John Cole had 11 children, at least nine of whom grew to maturity." As above - need to use "9" here.
 * Fixed as suggested


 * Suggest you list all the children in order of birth before stating who married whom/etc.
 * The list of names has been added to the first sentence.


 * Ancestry:
 * Convoluted sentence: "Some of Susanna's ancestry on her father's side was published by John D. Champlin in 1913,[19] and much of her ancestry on her mother's side he published in 1914." Suggest rephrasing as "Some of Susanna's ancestry on her father's side was published by John D. Champlin in 1913,[19] and he published much of her ancestry on her mother's side in 1914."
 * Reworded as suggested


 * See Also:
 * The colony link is already present in the article, so it's not needed here. Suggest you integrate "Indian massacre" into the article also, and move the portals to the new Template:Portal bar for ease of reading.
 * The link on the Rhode Island colony has been replaced with a link on Rhode Island history. I've also added a portal bar.  I'm of the opinion that the Indian massacre link can remain under the "See also" section.  If you had a specific place to link, and wish to do so, I'd be fine with that.
 * I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:19, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

Hello, and thanks for picking up the review of this article. I've addressed your comments above, and put my answers below each of your comments. Since the comments were not extensive, and since I've addressed all of them (or will shortly), I've opted not to do any striking or checking. I appreciate your time and comments.Sarnold17 (talk) 20:54, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Those changes look fine. Passing the article now. Ealdgyth - Talk 21:40, 14 January 2013 (UTC)