Talk:Targeted Killings/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 20:38, 18 November 2013 (UTC)

Hi Cirt, I'm interested in this topic and would like to review it. I'm a bit behind, though, so it may be 3-7 days before I have comments up; we'll see. More soon--thanks as always for your prolific contributions. -- Khazar2 (talk) 20:38, 18 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Sounds good,, however if its a bit longer than that, I may be traveling with limited Internet access so therefore slower to respond than usual, but I'll let you know if/when that is the case. &mdash; Cirt (talk) 20:48, 18 November 2013 (UTC)
 * No problem. -- Khazar2 (talk) 20:48, 18 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Note: Please also note that the article has already had some informal peer review from and  and they provided quite helpful feedback -- it's archived at Talk:Targeted Killings: Law and Morality in an Asymmetrical World/Archive 1. Cheers, &mdash; Cirt (talk) 20:50, 18 November 2013 (UTC)

A few initial notes:
 * "breaks down the elimination of Osama Bin Laden" -- usually "breaks down" would mean something like "reduces to components or basic principles", but I'm not sure that makes sense here. How about just "examines"? (This is also the second "breaks down" in the lead.)
 * "a rationale decision process." -- rational?
 * All other academics named in the lead get their full job titles, except Jeremy Waldron. Oversight or a deliberate choice? These titles make the lead awfully wordy; you might consider just giving names here and more detail later on. We assume the contributors are all professors from somewhere, and the exact universities aren't a main fact of the article meriting a lead mention, I'd think.
 * Madeline E. Cohen wrote that it would be a useful research reference." -- there's an end quote here, but where does this quotation start?
 * "Oxford University Press previously published a book on targeted killing in 2008 by Nils Melzer, Targeted Killing in International Law;[6] which was a joint-winner of the 2009 Paul Guggenheim Prize in International Law given by the Geneva Graduate Institute.[7][8]" -- are there any sources that explicitly connect this book and the subject of the article? This seems like it may verge a bit on original research.
 * "Colonel Mark Maxwell criticises the position of the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) on targeted killing" -- you might clarify that the ICRC is (I assume) opposed. Perhaps rewrite simply as "Colonel Mark Maxwell criticises the opposition of the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) to targeted killing".
 * "The collectivist defense includes the ability of state actors to defend themselves. The contractualist defense involves a rationalisation that targeted killing is better than all-out war as an outcome. Individualist rationale relies upon self-defense of individual persons" -- I'd suggest cutting these three sentences; I think five sentences to describe only one of the book's 18 essays is too much.

Sorry, having to cut off early due to sick kiddo, more soon. Khazar2 (talk) 23:21, 19 November 2013 (UTC)

Thanks very much,, for these helpful recommendations. I thought they were all great ideas so I just went ahead and implemented all of them, as noted, above. Cheers, &mdash; Cirt (talk) 00:33, 20 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Response to "A few initial notes" by Khazar2
 * 1) Done. Changed this to "examines".
 * 2) Done. Modified this to "rational".
 * 3) Done. Removed this wording from all persons in the lead.
 * 4) Done. Not sure why the quotation mark was there, this is a paraphrase, but I went ahead and modified the wording a bit more anyways. The quote itself is below in the article text.
 * 5) Done. Removed this info from that sect.
 * 6) Done. Tweaked this sentence, per above recommendation by GA Reviewer.
 * 7) Done. Cut these three sentences, per suggestion by GA Reviewer.
 * Thanks! More to follow shortly, if my Internet holds out and the creek don't rise. -- Khazar2 (talk) 18:00, 20 November 2013 (UTC)


 * Could you add a brief definition of consequentialism--just a few words in a hyphenated phrase, or an explanatory footnote? -- Khazar2 (talk) 18:00, 20 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "along with the books Targeted Killings and International Law by Roland Otto and The Law of Targeting by William H. Boothby." -- I'd suggest cutting this phrase as unnecessary detail; it's not really relevant to the subject what books it was reviewed alongside, unless we're going to include a comparison from the reviewer