Talk:Teddy Perkins/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Bilorv (talk · contribs) 16:32, 18 August 2018 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Plot

 * MOS:TVPLOT sets a limit of 400 words for plots on episode articles. Currently, it's 415 (not including actors' names), so it needs a tiny bit of trimming.
 * "Darius can't meet Benny though" – Rephrase for clarity and formality e.g. "Teddy will not let Darius meet Benny".
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * "the plan for his death" – This is odd phrasing. Maybe "the others' plan" or "their plan to murder him".
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * Remove "Unfortunately".
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * Per WP:OVERLINK, nouns like "piano" and "museum" don't need to be linked. (This is also a problem in the lead.)
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)
 * There's still a couple of these links in the Plot section. Everything but the link to photosensitivity in humans can go. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 19:25, 3 September 2018 (UTC)

Production

 * "played" is used three times in the first two sentences – rephrase to remove at least one of them.
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * Link Stevie Wonder.
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * "major departure" is a quote not attributed to anyone. I would rephrase rather than attribute e.g. "The episode deviated from Atlanta's typical comedic structure." (Same thing in lead.)
 * It's attributed to the Gold Derby source, which is referenced in the article. Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)
 * Right, but I meant in prose. It doesn't say "according to a Gold Derby reviewer" or similar; it just presents a quote without explaining where it comes from. Paraphrasing is better than a two-word quote anyway (e.g. "the episode deviated from the show's typical comedic structure"), particularly one that doesn't add any substantial information. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 00:52, 28 August 2018 (UTC)

Analysis

 * The article could do with an analysis section to dissect some of the episode's themes, allusions etc. I would expect about two or three paragraphs in length. The Michael Jackson commentary in the production section would fit here, as would the Get Out comparisons and the NYT trope deconstruction discussions. The other NYT source also looks useful. Combing through some of the other reviews again could also be helpful (we're looking for things like why the episode was different to others, or what works it was similar to, or what its messages or themes or genres were).

Reception

 * Add more ratings details: the main series page has additional information.
 * ✅ Added DVR info. Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * "of Atlanta– and television" – There's a space missing after "Atlanta".
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * "IndieWire said that "Teddy Perkins" "might have ..." – Two quotes in a row is bad style. Rephrase it (e.g. swap "'Teddy Perkins'" with "the episode").
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * Add Junkee's review of the episode.

Accolades

 * "Pending" should use  (and then be updated to won or nom after the ceremony).
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)


 * The reference is the same for all rows, so it's probably better to merge the rows in the reference column (using ).
 * ✅ Drovethrughosts (talk) 22:51, 27 August 2018 (UTC)

Lead

 * "with more of a dramatic/horror bent" – Replace this with "in whiteface", as that's a detail mentioned more often in the body of the article.

Nice article, but it needs a bit more work for GA status. I'm putting it, and may have to consider failing it unless someone responds or starts to make improvements to the article in the next seven days. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 16:32, 18 August 2018 (UTC)
 * if there are no responses to the issues above soon, I'm afraid I'll have to fail the nomination. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 21:56, 26 August 2018 (UTC)


 * Okay, thanks for handling the review. I'll obviously hold back on failing it, but just so you're aware I would like to have this review finished in seven days' time. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 00:52, 28 August 2018 (UTC)
 * I'm afraid I'm going to fail this in 72 hours unless the (lack of) Analysis section issue is fixed. The other remaining points are more minor, so I wouldn't fail the review on those alone. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 19:25, 3 September 2018 (UTC)
 * Okay, I've fixed the other issues in this edit but the Analysis issue has not been addressed, so I'm failing the article. — Bilorv(c)(talk) 14:12, 7 September 2018 (UTC)