Talk:Tell Brak/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: BenLinus1214 (talk · contribs) 03:08, 19 August 2015 (UTC)

Third on my "to review" list. Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 03:08, 19 August 2015 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * Is the ancient village 50 km away from Al-Hasaka, or is the modern one?


 * "while the city's most ancient name was unknown" I would prefer "original name"
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * In the second paragraph of the lead, could you give some reasons for the village's expanding and contracting?


 * Also, you overuse the verb "contract" in this section.


 * "Tell Brak was a religious center…" in this sentence, between "earliest periods" and "its" their should either be a semicolon or an "and" after the comma.
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * In the next sentence, there's a typo--you say "Tell Bral" instead of "Tell Brak"


 * History
 * I don't love that you put parentheticals to your own table, especially because I don't see them as necessary.
 * Wow, your English is awesome! Yes, I'm talking about the periods picture. Specifically, where you things like say "the ___ period (A)" or "or phase (A)" unless these letter designations are done by others than yourself, I would remove. Update: after reading below, the usage of the letters is fine, but I would still prefer that you say either "the ____ period" or "period A" etc. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Wow, your English is awesome! Yes, I'm talking about the periods picture. Specifically, where you things like say "the ___ period (A)" or "or phase (A)" unless these letter designations are done by others than yourself, I would remove. Update: after reading below, the usage of the letters is fine, but I would still prefer that you say either "the ____ period" or "period A" etc. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)


 * Could you put that first paragraph in a subsection of its own?
 * That's kind of funny. Easy mistake to make, as "costume" and "custom" sound similar. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 20:12, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * What's "proper Ubaid"?
 * Changed to "the original Ubaid culture"--this is clearer.
 * Changed to "the original Ubaid culture"--this is clearer.


 * "Northern Mesopotamia entered the period…" this is a bit clumsy. Reword it to "Tell Brak started to expand during the period later designated the Late Chalcolithic or Northern Uruk period."


 * Also, I don't see why the sentence starting "the new culture…" is necessary.
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * I would prefer if you didn't use the term "phase" when referring to time periods.
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * What does "Area TW" mean?
 * Per below, I would say "see excavation site map below" after the first use of these abbreviations because otherwise, it's unclear what it's referring to. Also, a slightly higher resolution of that file below might be nice. :) Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Per below, I would say "see excavation site map below" after the first use of these abbreviations because otherwise, it's unclear what it's referring to. Also, a slightly higher resolution of that file below might be nice. :) Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)


 * Do we have any ideas about the reasons for this first contraction?


 * When describing some of the archaeological findings in the different periods, you don't specify that the artifacts are known to be from these specific periods (we do know that, right?)
 * Never mind, I think it's fine. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Never mind, I think it's fine. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)


 * It's quite confusing to have to constantly refer back to the period map, so could you find some other way to usually refer to them? Also, if you absolutely have to refer to the table, please use only one method of referring to them (i.e. letters or period designation in northern Mesopotamia, and I would prefer the latter if you have to)
 * Oh, they use the letters in reports? That's very important. I changed my comment from above, so look at that again. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Oh, they use the letters in reports? That's very important. I changed my comment from above, so look at that again. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)


 * I still have no idea what the abbreviations such as TW or TC mean.


 * What's the point of comparing the Brak Oval with the Khafajah building?


 * Do we know the reasoning behind thinking that Amar-An was Mara-Il?
 * Okay--I would just add that this was the opinion of those scholars. Obviously, don't put any of your own research into the article (although it doesn't appear like it is currently) Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Great.
 * Great.
 * Great.


 * "and was an equal of the Eblaite and Mariote states" in what way?
 * With that in mind, I changed the wording slightly to "diplomatic and political equal"
 * With that in mind, I changed the wording slightly to "diplomatic and political equal"


 * "The palace is closer to a fortress" what's your distinction? And how do we know this if it's only remains?
 * Okay, changed the wording slightly and added a link. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Okay, changed the wording slightly and added a link. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)


 * no comma after "during which"
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * "The view that Tell Brak came under the control of…" where did that view come from in the first place?


 * evidence exists not evidence exist--I found that a couple times
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * Unless this article uses British English, which it doesn't appear to do, you should change "storey" to "story"
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * This subsection probably should be renamed to "Foreign rule and later periods" or "Mitanni and later periods" because the inclusion of both foreign rule and Mitanni makes it sound as if they are two separate periods.
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * Society
 * In the first subsection, I personally think it makes more sense for the first paragraph to be people and the second paragraph to be language, but if you explain to me why you want it this way, you can keep it.
 * Alright, I'm fine with that.
 * Alright, I'm fine with that.


 * Throughout, why is Eye Temple in quotes?
 * Unless it's quoted like that in all your sources, I would remove it. Otherwise, quotes in that case are sarcastic, informal, and not appropriate for WP.
 * Yes check.svg Done
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * I wouldn't start the culture subsection with background on Mesopotamia in the period--I would start with the part about the Eye Temple before elaborating on the cultural background of the period. It makes it more focused.


 * "it is first noted in the context of feasting" meaning that it was peaceful? Specify that. Also, "peaceful infiltration" is a bit of an oxymoron--use another word
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * Government
 * Remove the "the" before monumental buildings
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * I don't feel that the table in this section is all that helpful, as the information is either in this section already or could be incorporated into it easily.
 * I'm not going to insist--I think it can be left. However, just be prepared that if you decide to take this article to FAC or a peer review, there might be some people who would delete it.
 * I'm not going to insist--I think it can be left. However, just be prepared that if you decide to take this article to FAC or a peer review, there might be some people who would delete it.


 * Economy
 * At the top of this section, I would put a summary sentence like "Throughout its history, Tell Brak was an important trade center."
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * Site
 * See note above about the file. I don't see anything else wrong with this section.
 * That's fine but once again I would increase the resolution of the file so that people who want to examine it can within the article and don't have to click on it. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Yes check.svg Done
 * Yes check.svg Done


 * References
 * Your sources are all really great in terms of reliability and such; used checklinks and didn't see any problems.

This is really good! Amazingly well-researched and referenced and broad in scope. There aren't really any major problems with the article--I think you could take it to FA if you wanted to, possibly after a peer review. After you respond to all comments, I will finish my responses to you. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 21:57, 2 September 2015 (UTC)
 * I have responded to you. If there are comments that I have not responded to, this means that I do not recommend any further changes. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 17:19, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * Great job! I can pass this article now. It's wonderfully done--I'm really serious about taking it to FA. If you get a peer review under your belt, I'm sure it'll do well there. Good luck. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 20:12, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
 * .--Attar-Aram syria (talk) 08:21, 4 September 2015 (UTC)
 * I thought it was pretty interesting actually! :) Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 15:52, 4 September 2015 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail: