Talk:Thames Valley Royals proposal/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Casliber (talk · contribs) 09:32, 3 September 2013 (UTC)


 * okay - I remember this when it happened - will read and copyedit as I go and jot queries below...Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 09:32, 3 September 2013 (UTC)


 * Right, now where was I .....hmmm....


 * ' 'it nearly went through'' - a tad colloquial-sounding....but I can't think of a better phrase - "it nearly came to fruition"? hmmmm
 * OK —Cliftonian (talk) 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)


 *  it derailed at the last minute  - " it was derailed at the last minute " (more used to seeing it in passive tense...)
 * OK —Cliftonian (talk) 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)


 * P robably replace at least one "Maxwell" with a pronoun in para 2 of lead.
 * Yes —Cliftonian (talk)</b></b> 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)


 * I am wondering if we can improve the structure of the lead - currently it has para 1 = very potted summary, paras 2 & 3 are more details....but this makes the article have a three-tiered level of detail. I think maybe rearranging the lead strictly chronologically would be better - otherwise it comes across as repetitive.
 * Okay. I have trimmed it down and put it more chronologically; what do you think now? <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">—<b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">Cliftonian</b> <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">(talk)</b></b> 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Much better. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 11:33, 11 September 2013 (UTC)


 *  " There was fear in the faces of the older players," he said. "It was a feeling of incredulity, confusion, worry and fear." - bit laboured using "fear" twice in the one sentence....
 * Yes <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">—<b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">Cliftonian</b> <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">(talk)</b></b> 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)


 *  The residents of neither Didcot nor Wallingford elicited much interest - "The residents of neither Didcot nor Wallingford showed much interest" You elicit something in something - i.e. someone eliciting interest out of the locals...
 * Ok, thanks for this <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">—<b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">Cliftonian</b> <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">(talk)</b></b> 11:29, 11 September 2013 (UTC)

1. Well written?:
 * Prose quality:
 * Manual of Style compliance:

2. Factually accurate and verifiable?:
 * References to sources:
 * Citations to reliable sources, where required:
 * No original research:

3. Broad in coverage?:
 * Major aspects:
 * Focused:

4. Reflects a neutral point of view?:
 * Fair representation without bias:

5. Reasonably stable?
 * No edit wars, etc. (Vandalism does not count against GA):

6. Illustrated by images, when possible and appropriate?:
 * Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: - nice and tight/interesting read, well done. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 11:37, 11 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks Casliber! <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">—<b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">Cliftonian</b> <b style="color:white; background:darkgreen">(talk)</b></b> 11:43, 11 September 2013 (UTC)