Talk:Thanadelthur

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I like that you mention that none of the information about her comes from her own writings but I would advise to put it more towards the beginning so that the readers know this information going into it.

Daniel Joline — Preceding unsigned comment added by Drjoline (talk • contribs) 01:09, 10 April 2019 (UTC)

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 23 January 2019 and 8 May 2019. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Laurenmacias. Peer reviewers: Drjoline, Jbanda0351.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 10:57, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

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This is a good start! I like that I see you bringing in Sylvia Van Kirk's work. I would still push for more thorough sourcing though: - The article reads "thought to have been born during 1697." Thought by whom? - What is the sourcing on her capture? Your revisions indicate "During this meeting, Thanadelthur was able to create peace between the two peoples." - Use the secondary sources to establish her centrality to "create peace," otherwise the language feels hyperbolic (one person rarely "creates peace" all by themselves). Do they give greater details on the process? (Love the Joan of Arc reference, but "Slave Woman Joan" could use greater elaboration. This is because, as a captive, she is a slave?  Van Kirk can help on fleshing out this historical context.) There are other sources I recommended that might help out as well: - McCormack, Patricia A. "The Many Faces of Thanadelthur: Documents, Stories, and Images." Reading Beyond Words: Contexts for Native History 2 (2003): 329-364. - McCormack, Patricia A. "Visioning Thanadelthur: shaping a Canadian icon (1)." Manitoba History, no. 55, 2007. (interested in her as that kind of "woman in between" like Pocahontas, Sacagawea, Malintzin, etc.) - Abel, Kerry Margaret. Drum songs: glimpses of Dene history. Vol. 104. McGill-Queen's Press-MQUP, 2005.

Finally, do another editing pass as well. Be mindful of passive voice constructions. - "among at least three women, Thanadelthur was captured" v. Crees captured Thanadelthur and at least three other women. - "fur supply" v. fur suppliers - "None of her story was ever" v. Her story was never

Let me know if you have any questions! Raevan2011 (talk) 22:54, 27 April 2019 (UTC)