Talk:The Adventures of Abdi/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 20:42, 2 November 2018 (UTC)


 * Picking up for a review if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 20:42, 2 November 2018 (UTC)
 * Lead and infobox
 * I am not sure if the full book title is necessary in the infobox image’s caption as it seems somewhat redundant. I would include a credit to the artist and possibly a reference to the edition as done in the The Left Hand of Darkness article.
 * This is a very minor note, but for this part (The book is a moral tale inspired from a 300 year-old story by rabbi Baal Shem Tov), I believe it should be “inspired by”.
 * For this part (The Adventures of Abdi received mixed review regarding its portrayal of the Middle East settings), I think you mean “a mixed review” as I can only see one critic cited in the body of the article for this.
 * In the “Publication and reception” section, you mention that the book received criticism for “pushing” Kabbalah on children. I think this should be mentioned briefly in the lead.


 * Synopsis
 * There is a minor issue with the construction of this sentence (Once completed, Eli gives the necklace to Abdi for traveling to the royal palace and giving it to the queen on her birthday.). The opening, dependent clause is referencing the noun of the next phrase, so it is literally reading that “Eli” is the “once completed” object. If you would like to keep thtis sentence structure, you could either put “the necklace” in place of Eli and revise accordingly or use this idea “Once the necklace was completed, Eli gives it to…).
 * Would a wikilink for Bedouins be helpful?
 * I am not certain about this part (replace it with an alive snake). I am assuming you are using “alive” to emphasize that it was not replaced by a model of a snake or something similar. I think that “a live snake” works better than “an alive snake”, but since there is not anything technically wrong with the current phrasing, I will leave this up to you. I just wanted to note this as I found it a little odd.


 * Background and writing
 * You refer to Madonna as an entertainer in the lead and a singer in this section. I do not have a particular issue with referring to her through two different descriptors, but I just wanted to let you know about this.
 * I am somewhat confused by this part (This was the first time they worked on a contemporary story), as up to this point, I had thought this story was either set in the past or in a fairy-tale/fable or timeless time of world. Is the story supposed to be set in contemporary time period? This part just caught me by surprise.
 * Should be contemporary writer. — IB [ Poke ] 09:41, 8 November 2018 (UTC)
 * I am confused by this sentence (The cover artwork was the created at the last.). I do not really understand what it means. Could you clarify?
 * Clarified? — IB [ Poke ] 09:41, 8 November 2018 (UTC)
 * Publication and reception
 * For this part (In December Madonna), I would place a comma between “December” and “Madonna”.


 * Final comments
 * You have done a wonderful job with this article. I have always wanted to work on an article about a picture book, and this was very inspiring for me. I may look at this article for inspiration for my own projects. I also remember hearing a lot about Madonna’s Kabbalah activity during this time period so it was interesting to read more about it. Apologies for my ramblings; once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to pass this as a GA. I hope you are having a wonderful day. Aoba47 (talk) 21:02, 2 November 2018 (UTC)
 * Thank you for reviewing this and I have responded to all your comments. I'm glad that you found this article helpful and "inspiring" which is a big compliment for me as you know even I don't write about book articles that much. You are very kind :) — IB  [ Poke ] 09:41, 8 November 2018 (UTC)


 * Verdict
 * Thank you for addressing everything! I enjoy reading your work a lot. I will ✅ this as a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 18:31, 8 November 2018 (UTC)