Talk:The Aosawa Murders

Ty's Peer Review
Lead Rather than saying "published in 2005 then later published in English in 2005" I'd say "published in 2005 then published in English later that year". Redundancy and all that. What is shin honkaku? If you can link a wiki page for it you're set but if there isn't one you should probably say what that means (citing the source classifying it as such). I don't understand why you mention Hisako Aosawa by name here. I'd keep that kind of plot detail in the plot section. Does the book say "seaside city K"? Just seems like odd capitalising/wording. Oh okay so the shin honkaku thing is explained in the genre section, so you can probably take it out of here. Content "The agony the housekeeper felt about being the only survivor that ingested the poisoning, and the weakness she felt in the events wake" is a sentence fragment. Why is the city K now city K-? I liked the links. Maybe too much content here, but I'm not the judge and jury here. Tone & Balance No complaints here. Sources & References Seems good. Organization Reception section uses too many bold subtitles, its a little displeasing visually. Images & Media Add the cover and you'll be good here. Overall Mostly small issues. I'd say focus on the cover art then work on grammatical errors. Lowest priority is how it looks. Tuptastic (talk) 16:35, 31 March 2023 (UTC)

Oli's Peer Review
Lead

Overall, contains useful information and is easy to understand. I would add a hyperlink to or description of "shin honkaku"; it's defined later but should be explained at least a bit to prevent confusion. Also, in the introduction, the city is only referred to as "K", while its called "K---" later in the body. They should be made the same.

Content

The summary of the book is fairly complete without spoiling the book, which I appreciate. The additional information is also very interesting, especially the structure description. However, there are a few grammatical/syntax errors that I caught:

“... Aosawa murder case. How affected he...” This should be made into one sentence.

"The original events of the day..." is a sentence fragment, the word "that" should be removed.

"These narrated chapters intermingle..." does not need a colon.

"Honkaku which translates..." needs commas around "which translates to 'orthodox'"

The sentence starting "A poem called Eugenia" should have semicolons like so: "A poem called Eugenia was left by the perpetrator, but no one can decipher its meaning; the man called Big Brother delivered the drink, but had no motive to kill; and Hisako Aosawa witnessed the entirety of the poisoning, but cannot give any tangible details"

The first sentence of the Background section should either say "from a young age" or "since youth"

Additionally, there are a few confusing parts of the summary, probably because of the frequent narrative shifts. The mentions of the assistant and director as well as the paragraph about the young master and young man are a bit confusing, but I'm not sure how to fix them.

Finally, the bit about the Teigin Incident seems unfinished which is understandable.

Tone, Balance, and References

Everything seemed neutrally voiced. The references also seemed thorough and trustworthy.

Organization

Other than the tiny things mentioned above, everything seemed organized well.

Images and Media

I liked that you added the image of the White Crepe Myrtle Flower. Just needs the cover.

Overall

Overall I thought it was a very thorough page, you just need to fix the grammatical errors I mentioned above (also, you might want to double check them, I'm not 100% on everything I said). Astroroshell (talk) 00:10, 2 April 2023 (UTC)

Jai's Peer Review
Lead You say in the text box to the right that it was published in English in 2020, but in the paragraph state that it was published in 2005, which is contradictory. "...seventeen people died drinking cyanide poisoning hidden within sake..." should probably be changed to "...seventeen people died drinking cyanide hidden within sake" or "...seventeen people died from cyanide poisoning after drinking sake..." to fix this sentence grammatically. Cyanide poisoning is the result of consuming cyanide, rather than something one consumes. I do not understand what shin honkaku is until I read about it later in the article, and thus it should probably be linked to another article or removed from this first part and left only in the genre section. Also, if you can find the Japanese publisher, I would recommend including that in the introduction or information box. Content The main note I have would be to fix K--- or K as the city name, because it's a little confusing to have both. Also, the paragraph describing the conversation between the young master and the young man is hard to follow. I'm not sure how one might fix this, or if it would be an issue for other people, but I struggled a little bit reading it. Tone & Balance Everything seems objective and clear. No major issues that I can find. Sources & References As far as I can tell, everything that might require a source has one properly linked. Organization This seems mostly strong but I do have two notes. The first is that I would probably combine the "On Literature" and "On Translation" sections unless you plan to add more to both of them. The second is that, with the current organization, "References" appears to be a subheading of the heading "Reception" so separating that more clearly is probably a good idea. Images & Media I would recommend adding a picture of the cover or of the author to better flesh out this page. Overall I believe that this page has nearly everything that one might look for in a Wikipedia article. The structuring changes and the addition of an additional image would both benefit this page largely, but even without those, I believe that it is perfectly serviceable. Jdw2eh (talk) 05:10, 2 April 2023 (UTC)