Talk:The Armorer/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 17:47, 30 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll have a look at this Cavie78 (talk) 17:47, 30 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks ! — Hunter Kahn 05:12, 2 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead
 * "deliberately-paced movement" (see also - Conception). Seems a bit odd. The source(s) says "deliberateness of movement", which I'm not sure is entirely the same thing.
 * Reworded. — Hunter Kahn 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "very impactful" Not entirely sure what you mean by this
 * I changed it to "were very noticeable", though if you have a suggestion for better wording, let me know. — Hunter Kahn 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "among the creators of the Armorer" (see also - Conception) So who were the other creators?
 * Well, it's worded that way specifically because the source identifies Favreau as one of the creators, but it doesn't specifically state he is the only creator. So I thought it was safer and more accurate to describe him this way rather than calling him the creator, which indicates it he and he alone created the character. But let me know if you think this should be reworded. — Hunter Kahn 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Haha, no problem. Happy to promote now - congrats on another GA! Cavie78 (talk) 20:41, 9 May 2020 (UTC)

Appearances
 * "She is the leader of a tribe of Mandalorian warriors on a secret enclave on the planet Nevarro" Not sure about this, maybe "She is the leader of a tribe of Mandalorian warriors on the planet Nevarro, who [hide or live?] in a secret enclave"
 * Reworded. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "armor and a conceals" -> "armor and conceals"
 * Oops! Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "This marked the first time the Jedi are" either "This marks the first time the Jedi are" OR "This marked the first time the Jedi were"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "She said honor" -> "She says honor"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "kills all five of the troopers in" Think you can just say "kills all five in" as you've already established that the Armourer has been approached by five stormtroopers in the previous sentence.
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

Characterization
 * "She is very intelligent, knows" -> "She is very intelligent and knows"
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "while seldom speaking herself except when necessary" think this could be worded better, maybe "and only speaks when necessary"?
 * Yeah that is much better. lol Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ""simplicity (and) efficiency of movement" -> ""simplicity [and] efficiency of movement"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

Concept and Creation

Conception
 * "particularly in the character's" -> "especially in the character's" (to avoid repetition of particularly in the same sentence

Portrayal
 * "and she knew" -> "but she knew"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "a casting associate at the audition itself gave" -> "a casting associate at the audition gave" (remove repetition of "itself" and don't think it's needed here)
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "variation of scene" -> "variation of the scene"
 * Added. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "conduct Internet research" -> "conduct internet research"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "a comfort to be able to draw upon his expertise as a resource" Don't think "as a resource" is necessary here
 * Dropped. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "a sublety to the part that she said was influenced in part" -> "a sublety to the part that she said was influenced to a certain extent" (avoid repetition of part within same sentence)
 * Done. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "if her moments" -> "if her movements"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "as well the way" -> "as well as the way"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

Costume
 * "Swallow called an "incredible process"" -> "Swallow called it an "incredible process""

Filming
 * "was not provided a detailed backstory" -> "was not provided with a detailed backstory"
 * " filming in the actual sets" -> " filming on the actual sets"
 * "on a sound stages" -> "on sound stages"
 * "who directed in "Chapter 8: Redemption" -> "who directed "Chapter 8: Redemption""
 * "the Aromrer doesn't really fangirl" -> "the Armorer doesn't really fangirl"

Cultural impact

Critical reception
 * "He particularly complimented Emily Swallow's ability to portray emotion despite her face being concealed, and was particularly" Two 'particularly's in same sentence
 * Dropped the first one. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "said fans became invested in the Armorer her first appearance" -> "said fans became invested in the Armorer from her first appearance"
 * "He described her "the" -> "He described her as "the"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "noting her importance to advancing" -> "noting her importance in advancing"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "particularly from young girls who that the Armorer" ???
 * Changed; meant to say from young girls who appreciated that she was a tough warrior. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "impressed by fan art of the character that fans have sent" Given that it's fan art, I don't think you need "fans have sent her", maybe "impressed by fan art of the character that she has been sent"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "on social media accounts "
 * Removed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * " but she said the level"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "Swallow also does not"
 * Changed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

Merchandise
 * Ok

Images
 * All ok, with appropriate licences

Sources
 * All seem good


 * Good work again . A few things to clear up, but nothing major. Putting on hold for now Cavie78 (talk) 14:24, 3 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks ! — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:25, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for making the majority of changes, but you seem to have missed the Costume and Filming sections? Cavie78 (talk) 21:15, 6 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Oops, LOL, I don't know how I missed those, but I've addressed them all now. Thanks! — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 20:10, 7 May 2020 (UTC)