Talk:The Case Study of Vanitas/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 (talk · contribs) 18:04, 31 January 2023 (UTC)

Stay tuned.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 18:04, 31 January 2023 (UTC) Good work. Thanks for the review. I tried revising everything from this part but I can't find the "according to the director".Tintor2 (talk) 20:13, 31 January 2023 (UTC)
 * "She aims to surpass". I would use the past tense for consecutio temporum.
 * "a vampire's doctor, curing them". The comma can be removed, IMHO.
 * Wlink to Mount Saint-Michel. We're talking about the famous island, right? Make sure it's that one.
 * "but she likes to play". Past tense.
 * "But no matter what the author did with that concept her boss would call it generic". I don't like the beginning with the "but" and the general tone of the sentence. You could change it to something like: 'Despite the author's attempts, the boss criticised her generic concept', or 'She was afraid of creating a concept that was too generic'.
 * "She does ... her own face'. It doesn't seem to me to be something specific to this artist - I'm speaking as a draughtsman, in this case - or particularly striking, so I would remove these phrases.
 * "Mochizuki aims to ... She also aims'. Ditto. Use past tense for consecutio temporum.
 * "are basically compliments". What?
 * "according to the director". I would insert this at the beginning of the sentence, since it is his point of view and it is better to specify it now.
 * "Through interactions with the director, Minase was told she could properly expand Jeanne's characterisation". Deletable.
 * "Regarding the theme ... crucial in Vanitas, than". Better to specify who "she" is. The comma can be deleted. Are you sure it cannot be rewritten more clearly? Exempli gratia. "The series deals with themes of existence and identity. The author initially...'.
 * "When they explore more in this direction, she inevitably arrives". I don't like the first part. Can you rewrite it more clearly? "Arrives" in the past tense.
 * "Finally, both are complementary." I would replace it as '(X) has therefore described them as two "complementary" characters'.
 * ", she think sin video games". Past tense.
 * The whole third part of Themes seems superfluous and too in-universe to me, exception for the last sentence. I would write just "Vanitas wears an earring that looks like a hourglass. Anime News Network stated that such".
 * Third paragraph of Adaptation. "Both Hanae's Ishikawa's plays serverd to complement their character's nature. Hanae makes full use of all the cool, uncool, and sexy parts to bring out the charm of Vanitas whereas Ishikawa is good at playing the reaction of natural's boke's, and it is very helpful to have the story according to the director".--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 20:20, 31 January 2023 (UTC)

That's all.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 20:26, 31 January 2023 (UTC) Done. Thanks for the review.Tintor2 (talk) 20:42, 31 January 2023 (UTC)
 * "as both the reader and Noé are not sure whether or not the cocky user of the book is using his magical book for the good of other or is secretly a meanspirited man symbolized by the meaning of his name". Superfluous and hard to read. I would delete this.
 * The last sentence of Manga (Reception) is just a repetition of the same review mentioned before. Delete.
 * "over the handling of science fiction". I would say "science fiction elements".
 * Okay. Give me some time, just few hours, to read the whole article again.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 20:45, 31 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Good article. Length and coverage of the topic more than satisfactory. Clear even to those who have never seen the anime or read the manga. Good set of pictures and reliable sources. After adjustments (I took the liberty of making a few minor fixes) I would now say it meets all GA criteria. Pass.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 22:22, 2 February 2023 (UTC)