Talk:The Fame Monster/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Blackjacks101 (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Nice to finally see the article go to GA, will be reviewing shorty. --Blackjacks101 (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Pre Review

All links and references look good except for 116, can not connect to the page where the information was retrieved.--Blackjacks101 (talk) 01:23, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * ❌ I tried to completely re-access the Fame Monster Billboard page and it appears to be broken -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Blackjacks and Cprice, just wait for few hours, the link re-appears again. This is an ongoing scene with the Billboard links. — Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 05:34, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I have a lot of problems with the Billboard site :( -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:40, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * It seems that the whole of Billboard is down. :( My subscription is not working. — Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 06:42, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Review

Lead
 * ,released on November 18, 2009. --> makes it sound like all 3 EP’s and 2 major releases were released on that day
 * ✅ Added a "which" before so it goes "which was released..." -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * as she thought the re-release was too expensive and that, as the piece represents a separate conceptual and musical body of work --> remove second as and remove the comma before it
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * A Super Deluxe Fame Monster pack containing the two releases was released on December 15, 2009. --> redundant, you should add something like it had additional merchandise
 * ✅ Changed to "as well as additional merchandise, including a lock of her wig, was re..." -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * gave a positive review of the album,  switch this up to “gave the album positive reviews,
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * ,both reached --> doesn’t flow too well “both of them reaching” is better and remove the comma before
 * ✅ Changed to "with both of them reaching...." -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Gaga announced The Monster Ball Tour supporting the album, --> this doesn’t flow too well maybe say “Gaga embarked on The Monster Ball Tour to promote the album, the tour started...”

Background and development
 * The first paragraph should include the name of these headphones at least once, it becomes very confusing and unclear, many just consider the headphones “Heartbeats.”
 * ✅ Changed to "the headphones she launched called "Heartbeats." -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * The first single from the re-issue was titled "Bad Romance". --> this is just stuck into the paragraph where it has no business and doesn’t flow
 * ✅ Removed, as it doesn't really fit in -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Among other songs, Gaga confirmed a ballad titled "Speechless", which she dedicated to her father --> “Among other songs” doesn’t really work, and again this is kind of just stuck in here
 * the United Kingdom, --> did not get the stand alone album
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Composition
 * which according to PopMatters --> comma after PopMatters
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Release and artwork
 * Originally, --> no comma needed after
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * which was released on December 15, 2009 --> be more clear say “ the latter was released on December 15, 2009.”
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * in blond wig --> add an a before “blond”
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * is what she used to look like --> Lol silly edit that you guys probably missed, that cover doesn’t look anything like she used to before fame
 * ✅ -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Critical Reception
 * Although Empire dismissed the ballad "Speechless", commenting that the song "remains her weak point," --> she was more trying to say that ballads remain her weak point compared to her dance songs and not just “Speechless”
 * ✅ Changed to "remains her weak point," compared to her upbeat work, and she went on to... -- Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Singles
 * Originally, --> no comma needed after
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:27, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Promotion
 * "The Last Days of Disco Stick" --> link The Last Days of Disco Stick
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * finishing in early April 2010 --> shouldn’t it be stated that the tour eventually got a lot more dates somewhere when you talk about the revamp
 * dancing in costumes made of guns, Egyptian style head gears[80] and fairy-tale Rapunzel style hair.--> Your just talked about the revamp but then your describing the original tour

I'm not completely done the review, once these are done I'd like to re-read it and add more comments


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): (MoS):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): (citations to reliable sources):  (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Fix these problems and I'll continue the review --Blackjacks101 (talk) 03:14, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Wow, Cprice100 is Killing it with the fixations!! —  Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 04:53, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * lol, yeah I really wanna see this as a GA --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:30, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * About to have to go though --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks, you made me answer Jivesh's questions and let him understand about SL. Thanks again. Though I will kill you if you call me a rude boy again :P :) — Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 05:34, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Alright, alright XD --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:38, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Oh, and can you do the last two? I'm not sure how to redo as I'm not exactly a "senior editor." --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:40, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I have asked Blackjacks to complete his review first. Half-way reviews bother me. — Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 05:48, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

That might be best. After all, most of the problems listed have been fixed. --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  05:50, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * The reason why I wanted to do a part-review was because there are some areas that need re-arranged and re-worded, so if those were finished I could go back and check if the re-wording had an other errors left. If I knew you didn't like them I wouldn't have done it =D--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Additional Comments


 * First work on some of the errors Cprice missed above, and then you can work on some of these.--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Background and development
 * name was similar to the headphones she launched called "Heartbeats." --> still confused how is "Heartbeats" similar to "The Fame Monster". I was trying to say earlier that many think their just called Heartbeats...is there an additional name involving a "Monster" like feel?
 * Nope, I don't get it either, it's just something she said in an interview. --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  17:06, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Gaga further explained that she was obsessed with monster movies then and "I’m kind of obsessing over the decay of the celebrity and the way that fame is a monster in society! That’s what my new record is about, so it was kind of a perfect fit. --> you changed tenses with the start of the quote

Composition
 * she talks looking,drinking.. --> "she talks about drinking,.." about was need and looking just didn't give the reader the right idea "observing" would be better
 * ✅ Changed to "she talks about drinking, dancing, observing, and touching herself."


 * rather than answer --> "rather than answering"
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:42, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Release and artwork
 * production collaborative Haus of Gaga --> "production collaborative, Haus of Gaga,"
 * Wait, do you want Haus of GaGa in quotes and bolded? Because when you put in what you said here, it bolds "and even included a lock of hair....."
 * Sorry I know thats confusing its actually way simpler i just wanted commas before and after Haus of Gaga--Blackjacks101 (talk) 16:43, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:46, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * while the other shows her with heavy eyeliner running down her face. --> still doesn't accurately describe that cover maybe say "while the other shows her wearing think brown hair while heavy eyeliner runs down her face."
 * ✅ Oh, so you wanted more content added! --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Regarding the cover arts --> "art" and then comma after
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:31, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Critical Reception
 * commenting that the song "remains her weak point," compared to her upbeat work --> still don't like this, better to say "commenting that ballads "remain her weak point," compared to her upbeat work"
 * ✅ Oh, I see :D That sounds a lot better --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Commercial Reception
 * In Australia --> comma after
 * ✅ --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:22, 30 December 2010 (UTC)

Everything else looks good just fix these problems, and you'll have yourself another GA!--Blackjacks101 (talk) 15:58, 30 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Lol good job Cprice! Now Legolas just has to hurry up at fix the bigger problems =D--Blackjacks101 (talk) 16:48, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I corrected those reviews, where Cprice has not placed a done tag. Is there anything I am missing? Blackjacks please point out. — Legolas  ( talk 2 me ) 08:52, 31 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Passing, Great Work!--Blackjacks101 (talk) 14:19, 31 December 2010 (UTC)
 * WOOH!!! --<span style="font-family:'tahoma bold',serif;border:1px solid Black;"> Cprice1000 talk2me  16:25, 31 December 2010 (UTC)