Talk:The Girlie Show (Madonna)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 17:56, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

I might start this review tonight, but I will not have it wrapped up until tomorrow due to the article's large size. --K. Peake 17:56, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Remove ref from the infobox, as that info is backed up in the body
 * Every other article of Madonna's tours has this source in its infobox and lead paragraph; do you really consider necessary to remove it?
 * Being aware of the full context now, I do not believe you need to remove it anymore. Also, I recommend signing off posts like this --K. Peake 08:24, 10 March 2021 (UTC)


 * It is not sourced anywhere in the body that she had not previously been to Latin America, rather than only two countries of the continent; South America is though, so you could change to that
 * The second and third sentences are out of order; they should be directly before the thematic sections info and in this context, information from the second para would be moved into the first instead and ask me if you are confused
 * Can you please specify? 😅
 * I believe in the leads of tour articles that info about where the performer(s) went and the dates they played should come after info regarding the background on the tour, i.e. what is in the second para... correct me if I'm mistaken. --K. Peake 08:24, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * let me know if it's alright where I placed it. --Christian (talk) 14:35, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Yes, this is totally fine! --K. Peake 14:59, 10 March 2021 (UTC)

✅
 * Remove second introduction to Erotica, as the first sentence specifies it is her fifth studio album
 * "the latter was met with extensive media attention and backlash" → "the latter received extensive media attention, and backlash"
 * The thriller being a commercial failure is not mentioned anywhere in the body
 * "following the negative reaction to her previous endeavors." → "following the thriller's negative reaction." per the wording in the body
 * I think endeavors work, as I'm also talking about the Sex book backlash here, not just the Body of Evidence film
 * Make sure this is sourced properly in the body, then. --K. Peake 08:24, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "It took" → "The tour took"
 * "The singer's brother, Christopher Ciccone," → "Madonna's brother, Christopher Ciccone,"
 * Add (1990) in brackets for Blond Ambition World Tour
 * Add a comma after Weimar Cabaret
 * "It received generally positive reviews" → "The Girlie Show received generally positive reviews"
 * The 2019 amount is not notable for the lead, plus remove the ref per my earlier comment
 * "its explicit sexual nature," → "their explicit sexual nature," because you are talking about concerts being cancelled, not the tour
 * "on November 19" → "on November 19, 1993" but you should mention the date of the concert itself in prose in the body, as there is a rule that everything in the lead needs to be written out in the body
 * "afterwards it was released" → "the following year, it was released"
 * "were also filmed but" → "were also filmed, but"

Background
✅
 * Remove commas around Erotica and the one before Sex
 * Wikilink coffee table book
 * "received strong negative reaction" → "was met with a strongly negative reaction"
 * The "positive reviews" for the album are not mentioned by the source
 * "as her lowest selling album" → "as the singer's lowest selling album"
 * Wikilink imagery
 * Remove comma before Body of Evidence
 * "which contained scenes of" → "which contains scenes of"
 * "would embarked on" → "would embark on"
 * Wikilink burlesque
 * "set to kick off on" → "set to kick off at"
 * "on September 25." → "on September 25, 1993."
 * "to begin the tour in" → "to begin The Girlie Show in"
 * "on regions she had" → "on regions the singer had"
 * "South America and Australia." → "South America, and Australia." but if the source really does say this was her first touring of Latin America (not just the two countries), then mention that
 * Remove wikilink on Beijing, as you have not been doing this for cities
 * "reported that she" → "reported that Madonna"
 * "in visiting the country." → "in visiting the agency's country." to not mislead into potentially writing that Beijing is a country
 * Add a comma after extended play to separate the term "titled" properly
 * "of same name," → "of the same name,"
 * "This release included a CD" → "It included a CD" with the target
 * "wrote in this book:" → "wrote in the book:"
 * "don't believe me"." → "don't believe me."" since that is a full quote

Development

 * Img looks good!
 * "contacted her brother Christopher," → "contacted her brother Christopher Ciccone,"
 * "on her previous Blond Ambition outing," → "on her previous Blond Ambition World Tour in 1990," to be specific
 * Remove wikilink on Los Angeles
 * "an ad was put for" → "an ad was displayed for"
 * Target choreographers to Choreography
 * "the artist wanted to" → "the singer wanted to"
 * "Feeling Kelly's number wasn't" → "Feeling Kelly's position wasn't"
 * "Eventually, Madonna, "shamefaced" → "eventually, Madonna, "shamefaced" because this is after a semi-colon
 * "one of the tour's" → "one of The Girlie Show's"
 * Remove wikilink on circus
 * "a sequined bra, a" → "a sequined bra, and a"
 * Wikilink denim shorts per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * "the duo agreed that "perfection" was" → "the duo agreed on "perfection" being"
 * "working with singer." → "working with the singer."
 * ""we followed the tour like this." → ""We followed the tour in this way." per the source, unless my translator is incorrect (the capitalisation is missing either way)
 * "time it lacked shorts and stuff." → "time, shorts and other things were missing." per the source
 * "assisted Madonna, despite being always in Milan"," → "advised Madonna, even though she was always in Milan"," per above
 * The duo was the one that was always in Milan assisting the singer, who was around the world touring (correct me if I'm wrong)


 * "towards the audience, two" → "towards the audience, and two" since both of the parts after the hydraulics are about that
 * Target hydraulic to Hydraulics
 * Mention the illumination being for the sign that reads "Girlie Show"
 * Care to elaborate?
 * It reads awkwardly writing "a giant illuminated "Girlie Show" hanging"; you need to put what the giant illumination of that name is. --K. Peake 15:32, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

✅
 * "a face hidden" → "the face of Madonna hidden"
 * [23] does not seem needed at this point, unless I missed something?
 * Target Soviet transport to Transport in the Soviet Union
 * Target MTV Australia to MTV (Australian and New Zealand TV channel)
 * "kept this color"." → "kept this color."" since that is a full quote

Concert synopsis

 * Remove wikilink on topless for the img text and target metal pole to Pole dance
 * Wikilink Studio 54
 * "Weimar Cabaret and an encore." → "Weimar Cabaret, and an encore." with the target and wikilink
 * "who makes several cameos later – appears" → "who made several cameos later – appearing"
 * "domino mask and brandishing" → "and domino mask while brandishing"
 * [29][30][17] should be put in numerical order
 * Target "Fever" to Fever (Madonna song) per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * "performed alongside half-naked" → "which Madonna performed alongside half-naked"
 * "disappear in a" → "disappeared in a"
 * "of the 1952 musical" → "of 1952 musical film"
 * I don't know if the voice's quote is a full sentence or not; if it is, then there should a comma after claimed and the full-stop inside the quote
 * "halters and royal blue bell-bottom" → "halters, and royal blue bell-bottom" with the target
 * [29] does not seem to back up any of the above sentence's info, unless I misunderstood the wording?
 * Sources outfits for the "Express Yourself" performance; I've moved it to the previous section

✅
 * ""In This Life, the act's" → ""In This Life", the act's"
 * "being watched from" → "while being watched from"
 * Target "The Beast Within" to The Beast Within (song)
 * "and sang in the guise" → "while singing in the guise"
 * The word being pronounced as "wirgin" is not sourced
 * "Haris and De Lory" → "Haris, and De Lory"
 * "removed the tailcoat and" → "removed the tailcoat, and"
 * Target trenchcoats to Trench coat
 * [39][36] put in numerical order
 * "and Madonna's own" → "with Madonna's own"
 * The mashup is not sourced
 * "a red curtain fell" → "as a red curtain fell"
 * "as the curtain falls" → "as the curtain fell"

Critical response
✅
 * Is the wikilink on disco ball for the img text needed when you haven't done that in prose?
 * "The tour was generally" → "The Girlie Show was generally"
 * "noted it revealed a" → "noted the tour revealed a"
 * Remove commas around from Billboard
 * Target Ziegfeld to Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.
 * Target R-rated to R rating (Motion Picture Association of America) per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * Wikilink Cirque du Soleil
 * "to make a buck"." → "to make a buck."" because that is a full sentence quoted
 * Remove commas around from the Daily Express
 * "opined that the singer was" → "opined the singer is"
 * Target pop to Pop music
 * "On his review at the show" → "In his review of the show"
 * Fix MOS:QWQ issues with the quoted text; 'Blond Ambition' not using single speech marks inside a quote for example
 * "lip-synching" and concluded" → "lip-synching", and concluded" with the target
 * "Los Angeles Timess Jeff Kaye" → "The Los Angeles Times Jeff Kaye"
 * "took what Jeff Kaye" → "took what Kaye" and maybe mention how that was after she arrived in London?
 * Remove the Daily Mail per WP:RSPDM; I know you are using the EW ref for this, but opinions from the magazine are still unreliable
 * Target rock to Rock music
 * "wondered if the singer was" → "wondered if the singer is"
 * If part of The Washington Post review after the ellipsis is a full sentence, then move the punctuation to being inside the quote
 * "feeling that the show" → "feeling that The Girlie Show"
 * "in the doldrums"." → "in the doldrums."" unless this isn't a full sentence (I can't access the source)

Commercial reception

 * "On London, 15,000 tickets" → "In London, 15,000 tickets"
 * [49][29] put in numerical order
 * "very first concert on Israel" → "very first concert in Israel"
 * "grossed US$8,927,703 million;" → "grossed $8,927,703 million;" because we already know you are referring to US dollars from earlier in the sentence
 * Target River Plate Stadium to Estadio Monumental Antonio Vespucio Liberti
 * "on Rio's Maracanã Stadium" → "at Rio's Maracanã Stadium" with the wikilink
 * "one of the" → "standing as one of the"
 * "in less than an hour." → "in an hour." per the source
 * "of US$70 million" → "of $70 million" but you needn't change it in the previous sentence because that is about Australian concerts so may lead to people being confused about if you mean Aussie or US dollars
 * Sources report both the Australian leg and the overall tour gross in US dollars
 * But the US$ was the most recently listed so it will be clear what you mean, especially with the context that Australia hasn't been mentioned since the last sentence. --K. Peake 17:14, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Couldn't the ref in the brackets be replaced with a note that directs to that URL and says the amount in US dollars is calculated using the formula?
 * Care to elaborate?
 * I did so in the references section; see "Selah" if you want an example, though. --K. Peake 17:14, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

✅

Controversies

 * Either reword the img text to make them relevant, or just remove from this section altogether
 * Have reworded this image box; there wasn't one specific performance that was deemed controversial (ie. Like a virgin in Blond Ambition), but images depict performances from one of the show's acts and contribute to illustrate the article


 * [37] should be after the opening sentence as well as at the end of the para
 * The last sentence of the para is not backed up
 * Target David Noriega to David Noriega Rodríguez
 * "called her "vulgar" → "called Madonna "vulgar"
 * Why have you written "citizens and Hispanics"; shouldn't it be mentioning moreso that the citizens were especially Hispanics
 * "Miami home and wave" → "Miami home to wave"
 * "Madonna claimed she" → "Madonna's supporters claimed she" per the source
 * "attended the concerts." → "attended the concerts elsewise."
 * The source says "privacy" instead of "intimacy" for me, or is that a mistake by the translator?
 * Target Catholic to Catholic Church
 * "and that those who attend" → "and that those attending"
 * Remove target on social communicologist
 * The source identifies "And what do you think?" as the English title for me; again, is this a translation issue?
 * Native Spanish speaker here; I'm using the closest to the 'literal' translation of ¿Y Usted qué opina?

✅
 * Target priest to Priesthood in the Catholic Church
 * The sombrero is not sourced as being charro
 * [70] offers no mention of her being given the instrument by Michael Gudinski
 * "to get it back" → "to get the instrument back"

Broadcasts and recordings
✅
 * Wikilink encore on the img text, plus move it to the left if the one in the previous section is kept for consistency with allignment
 * "at Sydney's Cricket Ground Stadium would be broadcast on" → "at the Sydney Cricket Ground stadium would be broadcast through" with the wikilink
 * "the singer worked with the network" → "Madonna worked with the network,"
 * "On November 13," → "On November 13, 1993"
 * [75][17] put in numerical order
 * "the special was released on Laserdisc" → "Madonna Down Under was released on LaserDisc"
 * "at number 31 and 32 of" → "at numbers 31 and 32 on"
 * "on December 26;" → "on December 26, 1993;" to be specific

Setlist
✅
 * Target "Fever" to Fever (Madonna song) per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * Target "The Beast Within" to The Beast Within (song)

Tour dates
✅
 * [83][50][84][85] put in numerical order
 * [83][25][51][86][87][52][55][88][89] and [83][57][58][59]; see above

Cancelled dates
✅
 * Move the ref to being after the caption of the table instead

Main
✅
 * Target musical director to Music director
 * Target choreographer to Choreography

Band
✅
 * Wikilink Madonna

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed, though I will congratulate you users on the article's broadness thus far and be aware that I have left some comments in the sections reviewed by me earlier that I forgot initially! --K. Peake 15:32, 8 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I have addressed all the comments left by ; in case of having missed one, kindly let me know :) --Christian (talk) 15:25, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I would like to comment that the US$ in the 70 million part should be changed per my earlier comment, you should add the note I mentioned instead of the ref and regarding the Google News ref (now 70) shouldn't it cite a publisher like most refs of this sort? --K. Peake 16:38, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * like this? --Christian (talk) 17:11, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * They look fine now, but the only query I have is about the "negative reaction to her previous endeavors" part in the lead; the body says the revival was after the book, so either reword the lead or the body and make sure it's sourced. --K. Peake 17:17, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ --Christian (talk) 17:19, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, there were still a few issues but I fixed them for you since this article is massive and congrats! --K. Peake 17:22, 10 March 2021 (UTC)