Talk:The Queen's Messenger/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:11, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Going to be reviewing this article as part of the GAN Backlog Drive of April to May 2020. MWright96 (talk) 13:11, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * Think the lead can be expanded to briefly mention the station that broadcast the drama and the date it was shown
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:35, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "These were received by 3 inch televisions" - the convert template would be better off being used on the text highlighted in bold
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:35, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Background

 * "The cameras picked up the stage action and microphones picked up the sound." - repetition of the phrase "picked up"
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "The television signal was received at several points throughout New York City. The broadcast received much publicity." - think these two sentences can be made into one
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "The teleplay starred retired star actress Izetta Jewell." - the word "star" isn't needed
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "It was noted that in the television receivers she appeared trimmer than in real life" - noted by whom?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "A newspaper article of the time pointed out that even the heavy set opera singer" - observed
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * " A newspaper article of the time" - May as well mentioned what newspaper we're talking about
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "appearing as a John Bull type Englishman." - John Bull-type
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:52, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Plot

 * "A British diplomat has a romantic encounter with a mysterious woman. She is secretly trying to obtain the documents he is carrying." - these two sentences could be better off merged into one
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:18, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "She is secretly trying to obtain the documents he is carrying." - what are the documents in the drama?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:18, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Television receivers

 * "The televised play was received on televisions that were octagonally shaped. The television set was about fourteen inches high and ten inches in depth." - how about making this into a single sentence and shortened accordingly
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:33, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Also the mentions of inches can also be converted into the appropriate measurement with the convert template
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:33, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Six televisions were set up around the W G Y studios" - WGY without the spaces
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:33, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Six televisions were set up around the W G Y studios for the newspaper reporters that were connected by closed circuit television." - how about Six televisions were set up around the WGY studios and connected by closed circuit television for newspaper journalists. or a similar minor change?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:33, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "There were television receivers set up in the transmitting control rooms that received the signal from the air that was transmitted several miles away."- broadcast
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:33, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Special effects

 * "on a three inch television screen display." - "display" isn't needed I believe
 * ✅--Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:37, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "The director of these props that coordinated everything was Mortimer Steward." - and stage coordinator?
 * ✅--Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:37, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

Drawbacks

 * Wikilink General Electric
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "that developed into the soap opera.[8][15][7]" - refs in numerical order please
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink scanning drive to the relevant article
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "that picked up the image on the stage." - received
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:46, 21 May 2020 (UTC)