Talk:The Suicide of Rachel Foster/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: IceWelder (talk · contribs) 21:50, 14 August 2022 (UTC)

Will review within the next week. IceWelder &#91; &#9993; &#93; 21:50, 14 August 2022 (UTC)


 * General
 * Per recent consensus, "Microsoft Windows" should be simplified to "Windows".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Is "ONE-O-ONE" an acronym? If not, it should be normalized to "One-O-One".
 * To a non-American reader, it is unclear what "FEMA" is. Upon its first usage in both the lead and the body, the full name should be used first and the acronym attached only if it is used further in the respective part.
 * To a non-American reader, it is unclear what "FEMA" is. Upon its first usage in both the lead and the body, the full name should be used first and the acronym attached only if it is used further in the respective part.


 * Infobox
 * "Cover art of the game" can be simplified to "Cover art".
 * Sort platforms chronologically (Windows -> PS4 -> Xbox -> Switch).
 * Add the primary genre.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * The publisher, composer, and engine are all missing from the body. They should be mentioned and sourced somewhere – best in the Development section.
 * It seems you removed the composer (perhaps due to lack of a source)? He is indeed mentioned in the Vigamus Magazine source if that helps.
 * Add Graziano Pimpolari as artist, as mentioned in the Development section.
 * It seems you removed the composer (perhaps due to lack of a source)? He is indeed mentioned in the Vigamus Magazine source if that helps.
 * Add Graziano Pimpolari as artist, as mentioned in the Development section.
 * Add Graziano Pimpolari as artist, as mentioned in the Development section.


 * Lead
 * The initial year of release should be in the first sentence like "The Suicide of Rachel Foster is a 2020 adventure video game ..." (per WP:VG/LEAD).
 * Now that the release year is in the first sentence, I suggest moving the subsequent sentence about the release down to after the development summary to replicate the order of the body.
 * Mention the name "Timberline Hotel" when the hotel is first mentioned and avoid repeating that the game is set there in the development summary.
 * "Nicole and Irving relationship" -> "Nicole and Irving's relationship".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * The proper name for the award event seems to be "DStars", not "DStar Awards".
 * "Nicole and Irving relationship" -> "Nicole and Irving's relationship".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * The proper name for the award event seems to be "DStars", not "DStar Awards".


 * Gameplay
 * The section has a significant overlap with the succeeding Plot section.
 * When elements (e.g. the wider setting, the time frame, ...) do not have an impact on the gameplay, they should not be mentioned here. Instead, the section should focus only on how the game is played, so how the player interacts with the world (exploration, picking up objects, questioning Irving on new elements, puzzles, ...).
 * If you feel like this would make the section far too short, consider merging it with the Plot section ("Gameplay and plot").
 * Simplify the image caption: "Rachel interacting with a radiotelephone she uses to communicate with Irving." -> "Rachel interacting with a radiotelephone to communicate with Irving" (no period per MOS:CAPTION).
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)


 * Plot
 * The plot currently exceeds the 700-word limit, so it needs to be trimmed down a bit.


 * Development
 * As the release is also covered, consider renaming the section "Development and release".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * From the introduction, Bellincampi's statement could be moved to "Setting" and the voice cast to "Story and themes", leaving only the studio, director, development time, and release dates.
 * Simplify "first revealed" -> "revealed".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Swap the sources after the Gamescom sentence to maintain numerical ordering.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Jump scares are seemingly not mentioned in the source provided.
 * The source on Azara mentions him as Head of Games of 101%, not One-O-One Games. How are these two companies related?
 * The same source also mentions that Reddoll and Alphaomega Group collaborated on this game. How do they fit into the picture?
 * Remove the fictional time and location in "Setting" as they are already mentioned in the Plot section.
 * Split the first sentence of "Story and themes" into two at "... without becoming overly morbid and depressing and to achieve this ..." to improve flow.
 * ✅. Replaced the "and" with a period. Ludoyo (talk) 19:20, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "interesting game mechanic" is a misquote; the source as "intriguing game mechanic".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅. Replaced the "and" with a period. Ludoyo (talk) 19:20, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "interesting game mechanic" is a misquote; the source as "intriguing game mechanic".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)


 * Reception
 * Add the used reviews' scores to the score table.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 18:58, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Remove redundant "generally" from "mixed or average reviews".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * When mentioning a review outlet, also mention the author(s) of the review, as the opinions presented are the reviewers', not necessarily the outlets'.
 * Once introduced, the reviewers can just be mentioned by their last names when they occur again. Use this to remove repeated constructs like "X said Z, as did Y" by simplifying some of them to "X and Y said Z".
 * The section features "praised" and "criticized" 14 times each. Try to find some variations to avoid repetition.
 * Many of the outlets are linked multiple times. Duplicate links should be removed. I recommend using User:Evad37/duplinks-alt to validate there are no more duplicate links.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "... called the environment "engaging"[19] and capable of creating tension,[19] ..." features the same ref twice in the same sentence. The first occurrence should be removed.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * "The game's plot and ending received a mixed response from critics" – "a mixed response" -> "mixed responses".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Instead of awkwardly quoting "go[...] off the rails", use "go "off the rails"" or paraphrase.
 * Italicize "IGN" and specify that it is IGN Hungary.
 * "ProSieben" is a TV channel; the review is from "ProSieben Games", the games division.
 * Fix ambiguity: "as well as their voice actors' portrayal" -> "as well as their voice actors' performances".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Try to avoid repeating "Nicole and Irving"; it appears four times within five sentences.
 * Fix ambiguity: "as well as their voice actors' portrayal" -> "as well as their voice actors' performances".
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Try to avoid repeating "Nicole and Irving"; it appears four times within five sentences.
 * Try to avoid repeating "Nicole and Irving"; it appears four times within five sentences.


 * Awards
 * When a game is nominated but does not win, it is rather obvious that it lost. Suggested rewrite:
 * "The Suicide of Rachel Foster was nominated for "Best Italian Game" at the Italian Video Game Awards in 2020,[27][28] and at the TGM Awards 2020 in the categories "Dynamic Adventure" and "Tell Me a Story".[29][30] At the 2021 DStars awards, the game won "Game of the Year".[31]


 * References
 * When a reference is in a language other than English, make sure the language parameter and a translated title (trans-title) are always present.
 * Normalize all-caps website names.
 * Ref #7: Add author Hamidreza Nikoofar.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:37, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #9 is misdated: September 9 -> September 10.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #11: Add author Glaystal.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:37, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #12 is misdated: November 10 -> March 30 ("datePublished" instead of "dateUpdated").
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 19:20, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #16: Péter Peter -> Péter Nagy, IGN -> IGN Hungary.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #17: Add author JeromeJoffard.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:37, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #18: Add author Jens Bremicker, change ProSieben -> ProSieben Games.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 18:58, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref #22: Giusepe Arace -> Giuseppe Arace.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Ref :31: DStars Awards -> DStars.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Are EveryEye, Vigamus Magazine, Nikoofar Music, L'Ambidextre, and Comic Years reliable sources?
 * EveryEye was launched in 2001 and is a recognized publication by Metacritic, while Vigamus Magazine is owned and published by the Video Game Museum of Rome. I couldn't really find anything on the other publications that might indicate reliability, so I can remove them. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 11:19, 31 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Vigamus Magazine should be fine then. For Everyeye.it, however, it is not sufficient to be on Metacritic as that site features multiple outlets we explicitly consider unreliable. I've put it up for discussion here. The remaining three should be removed. If the interviews are absolutely necessary, you could check whether they have been validated as authentic by One-O-One Games or the involved interviewees. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 12:40, 31 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Regarding the Nikoofar Music and L'Ambidextre sources, the company's official Facebook page shared them here and here, respectively. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 12:59, 31 August 2022 (UTC)
 * If you could add those as comments to the refs, that would work for me for a GA. Note that it might not pass FA with them, though (if you plan on going featured). In other news, the few comments currently on Everyeye.it are leaning towards unreliable, so I would say it should also be removed for now. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 08:54, 2 September 2022 (UTC)
 * Regarding the Nikoofar Music and L'Ambidextre sources, the company's official Facebook page shared them here and here, respectively. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 12:59, 31 August 2022 (UTC)
 * If you could add those as comments to the refs, that would work for me for a GA. Note that it might not pass FA with them, though (if you plan on going featured). In other news, the few comments currently on Everyeye.it are leaning towards unreliable, so I would say it should also be removed for now. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 08:54, 2 September 2022 (UTC)


 * Other
 * The categories should be alphabetized.
 * ✅ Ludoyo (talk) 17:08, 17 August 2022 (UTC)

Above is my initial review. I will hold off on reviewing the Plot section for now as the required reduction will already incur some copyediting. Feel free to strike through completed points and to reply to individual comments if required. Regards, IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 10:36, 15 August 2022 (UTC)


 * Sorry for the ping, but the article hasn't seen any changes in a week. Ludoyo has seemingly handled some of the points on your behalf, though quite a few remain. I'm not in a rush to close this but would like to know whether it is still being worked on. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 10:58, 25 August 2022 (UTC)
 * This period is a bit hectic. I'll see if I can do any further changes in the next few days, but I probably won't be able to until after 5 September. PanagiotisZois (talk) 12:24, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

All right, I think I'm done with everything. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 21:43, 7 September 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for all your work. The only thing I didn't see addressed was the official title of Azara ("Head of Games of 101%", where 101% appears to be a separate company), One-O-One's connection to 101%, and the involvement of Reddoll and Alphaomega Group. However, this is very far from being a stumbling block, which is why I am the article. Regards,  IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 12:40, 8 September 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your patience! Regarding the studios, from my understanding based on this source, One-O-One Games is the gaming division of 101% and Reddoll. I think. Not quite sure where Alphaomega Group fits. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 12:55, 8 September 2022 (UTC)