Talk:The Tale of Jemima Puddle-Duck/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Derild  49  21  ☼  15:16, 23 August 2010 (UTC) I'll go through each of the sections one by one and post any issues that I might see. Feel free to fix problems as I post them down though that might cause edit conflicts. Derild 49  21  ☼  15:16, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Lead

 * The lead seems pretty short for an article of this size. I think a lead of about 3 paragraphs should be suffice.
 * Don't forget this! Derild  49  21  ☼  00:51, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 19:03, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Background

 * Looks good

Plot

 * The first sentence is a bit odd to me, maybe combine it with the next sentence? Something like "The tale begins in a farmyard which is home to a duck called Jemima Puddle-duck who wants to hatch her own eggs, but the farmer's wife...etc."
 * Done. Made two sentences. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "She sets off along the cart road in poke bonnet and shawl to find a safe place away from the farm to lay her eggs." The terms "cart road" and "poke bonnet" are unfamiliar to me, poke bonnet can be linked, but Cart Road links me to a city in India. Fix it please.
 * Done. Cart road is used in the book (a service road at the farm used by carts and wagons rather than carriages) but I abridged the term to simply road. Linked poke bonnet. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "Jemima lays her eggs. The fox suggests a dinner party to mark the event, and asks Jemima to collect the traditional herbs..." Same thing, combine the first sentence with the second and split off the second part about finding the herbs for an omlette.
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Link farm collie
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Combine "Jemima sets about her errand, but the farm collie, Kep, meets her as she carries onions from the farm kitchen. He sees through the fox's plan at once" into one sentence.
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "But the hungry fox-hounds eat Jemima's eggs." Don't start the sentence with "but", try "however" or another word.
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:41, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Composition and publication

 * Please add more information in the captions for the pictures with the duck and fox and real picture of the red fox. As now, I don't know what "Frontispiece" is.
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 18:04, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * A problem with this part is phrases such as "almost certainly" and "may have taken inspiration". To me this seems like OR. I can see that they are referenced facts, but is that how it is worded in the book source you are using? Please try to be definitive.
 * Done. The wording is from the source. Some scholarship in the arts and literature is based on reasonable speculation. There is no way to know if Potter saw her father's sketchbook illustration but it is reasonable speculation to state that she may have seen it. In this case, a lifelong Potter scholar has made the speculation and its inclusion here is justified by the scholarly speculation bring published in a highly regarded work from the National Trust and Potter's original publisher Frederick Warne.  Susanne2009NYC (talk) 18:04, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Italicize Peter Rabbit unless you mean the character and not the book. In that case make it more obvious by putting "the character Peter Rabbit" instead.
 * Done. "... the Peter Rabbit character ..." Susanne2009NYC (talk) 18:05, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Also, the line "The "farmyard tale" was dedicated to Betsy" covers the to part of the picture of the fox walking with the duck. Is it just my computer or does that happen to you too?
 * Done. I don't have this problem. I believe technicians have been working on thumbnails and images over the past day or two and some distortion is occurring. The work will be finished soon. We just have to be patient! Susanne2009NYC (talk) 18:04, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Similarities to "Little Red Riding Hood"

 * Link Little Red Riding Hood to its article.
 * Done. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:23, 23 August 2010 (UTC)


 * The second paragraph doesn't really relate to the similarities with Little Red Riding Hood. Either make a new section, change the section title of split off information into other sections.
 * Done. Moved 2nd paragraph to "Critical commentaries" section. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 18:08, 23 August 2010 (UTC)Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:23, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Merchandising

 * Is the reference for the first 9 lines ref#15? If not, a few statements will be needing citations.
 * Done. A citation at the end of a paragraph means the whole paragraph is referenced to that one citation. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:27, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Critical commentaries

 * The line "Jemima is a headstrong, innocent, unable to penetrate the fox's designs and comprehend her dangerous situation, so fixated as she is upon nesting." is confusing with the fixated as she is upon nesting part; what does it mean?
 * Done. Rewritten for clarity. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 17:23, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Adaptations

 * This part is fine

I will now place the article on hold for 7 sevens days for the concerns to be fixed up. Feel free to comment here or on my talk page if you have any concerns or questions.

As the issues I have been brought up are now fixed, I will now compare this to the good article criteria and if it meets them I will promote it.

A good article is&mdash;  :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

:
 * (a) ;
 * (b) ; and
 * (c).

:
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

. . :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).



Looks good to me! This article is now a GA! Congrats! Derild 49  21  ☼  20:25, 24 August 2010 (UTC)