Talk:Thomas Byron/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 22:22, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I can take this on over the coming days. Eddie891 Talk Work 22:22, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

Comments

 * I've made a very light ce, consisting of: adding 'he' in the lede and switching a 'he' to 'Byron', linking Nottinghamshire on the first rather than second mention, switching an instance of 'while' to 'and', de-capitalizing 'colonel' when not by a person, linking Shrewsbury, linking Oxfordshire, italicizing de facto, please see that these are agreeable to you
 * I removed the italics from "de facto", as it has "everyday use in non-specialized English" and so does not need to be treated as a foreign-language term. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * hm. I see that Gog the Mild asked me to italicize it way back in a September 2018 GA review, which was where I got the idea in my head, I think. I'll note that by that articles FAC I was asked to un-italicize it, which is correct usage. Thanks for catching that. Eddie891 Talk Work 16:47, 2 August 2020 (UTC)


 * I don't see ( c.  1610 cited in the article, much less mentioned in the prose
 * That was careless. Added in now. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)


 * "was a Royalist officer during the First English Civil War. He had effective command of the Prince of Wales' cavalry regiment during the first year of the war, including at the Battle of Edgehill." I'd like either years of either the First Eng Civil War or the year of Edgehill mentioned here.
 * Added the year for Edgehill. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)


 * Maybe 'early life' would be better titled 'early life and family'
 * Yeah, that makes sense. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)


 * "On the outbreak of the First English Civil War," is probably worth a year
 * Added. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)


 * "On the outbreak of the First English Civil War, Byron and his brothers were described by the biographer George Yerby as "all passionately the King's" makes it sound as though the biographer is writing it on the outbreak. Maybe try something along the lines of "The biographer George Yerby describes Byron and his brothers as "all passionately the King's" on the outbreak of the First English Civil War" or perhaps "The biographer George Yerby describes Byron and his brothers on the outbreak of the First ECW as "all passionately the King's"" or something similar
 * Gone for "On the outbreak of the First English Civil War in 1642, Byron and his brothers were "all passionately the King's", according to the biographer George Yerby.On the outbreak of the First English Civil War in 1642, Byron and his brothers were "all passionately the King's", according to the biographer George Yerby." Which hopefully maintains the flow while resolving this issue? Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)

Very nice article on the whole, that's comments on prose from me, other stuff to come later. Eddie891 Talk Work 13:11, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Also, what brothers? There's been no mention before
 * It was mentioned that he was the fifth of seven sons? Beyond that, the source doesn't go into detail. I could dig around and confirm which brothers, but it would be a bit WP:SYNTH-y. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * While researching another article, I found a little bit more on this, all in one source, so have added it. Let me know if you think it is too much. Harrias  talk 14:02, 3 August 2020 (UTC)
 * "He was knighted by King Charles " link?
 * I linked Charles I of England; do let me know if you wanted "knighted" linking too. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * "life of Richard Bulstrode" I think it's worth mentioning who he was
 * Added that Bulstrode was one of his men, is that enough? Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * "At the Battle of Edgehill," worth a date?
 * Added. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * "Byron died two months later, " you don't mention that it was as a cause of the attack, I think that's worth explicitly stating
 * Good point, also noticed that the source specifies it as a "chest wound", so added that. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Cheers for the review, responded to each point. Harrias  talk 16:39, 2 August 2020 (UTC)
 * To avoid redundancy, I think all of your changes address my points, I don't think there's anything regarding that that needs to be changed. Source checks &c to come. Best, Eddie891 Talk Work 14:10, 3 August 2020 (UTC)

That's all I got Eddie891 Talk Work 12:44, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Source check
 * #1a, fifth of seven sons of Sir John Byron of Newstead Abbey, Nottinghamshire, and Anne Molyneux is imo a little too close to the source's was the fifth of  the  seven sons of Sir John Byron  (d. 1625)  of Newstead, Nottinghamshire,  and his wife,  Anne Molyneux  for comfort, could you mix it up just a bit?
 * Mixed it up. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * #1b, source spells her name Catherine, not Katherine as you do in the article
 * Ref #3 uses Katherine. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * #1c, source has 'all passionately the king's' attributed to a Lucy Hutchinson, not Yerby himself
 * Good point, changed attribution. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * #1e, source describes a death "leading a charge", not necessarily a cavalry one
 * Added an alternative source which states this explicitly. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * "Byron was attacked in Oxford by one of his own soldiers, Captain Hurst, over a pay dispute as he left his lodgings" not a sourcing comment, but it reads here that the attack was as Hurst left his lodgings, but in the ODNB it seems as though it was Byron who was leaving.
 * It was always meant to mean when Byron was leaving, this is just my writing! Flipped it around, how is that? Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * The JSTOR version of Young 1945 has it published by the Journal of the Society for Army Historical Research, not the "Journal of the Society"
 * Not sure what happened there. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * I'm not seeing #8b or #9a on the cited page, though I suffer from chronic not-reading-the-whole-page-itis, so its possible I missed something
 * #8b should have been page 109. #9a (now #9b) is definitely right though: "The regiment was still with Hopton, so Sir Thomas was no doubt on leave for some reason or other". Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * The PD ODNB mentions "that a degree was conferred on him at Oxford in 1642"
 * joined the regiment as early as May 1642; commanded regiment at the Battle of Powick Bridge
 * He was almost certainly there, but I find it unlikely that he commanded the regiment; only two troops from the regiment were there. It is likely that he commanded the Prince of Wales' troop at the battle, not the regiment. But this is mostly conjecture based on the troop lists that Young provides. Young is a much higher-quality source than Manganiello, so I'm unsure what to do here. While I feel confident in claiming that he was there, referencing tthat to Manganiello without saying that he commanded the regiment seems odd. But Young never explicitly mentions Byron among the commanders. (The Prince of Wales is listed as his own troop commander, but he was 12 at the time, and certainly did not command it in battle.) Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * some detail about saving Bulstrode's life if you want to add it
 * It seemed excessive detail, but I can add it if you think it worth it. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Cheers, replies above. Harrias  talk 16:27, 5 August 2020 (UTC)


 * , I'm now happy with the article, no need for the detail about Bulstrode. I, too, am not sure about Powick Bridge, but I don't think you can only source a mention to Stephen C. Manganiello, givent that Manganiello is an amateur historian-- I don't trust it, so it'll have to stay out. The bit about getting a degree at Oxford is also mentioned in the (modern) ODNB, so I'd like to see that mentioned in the article. Best, Eddie891 Talk Work 17:47, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Eugh, I clearly missed the Oxford thing on my many reads of the ODNB article, and then managed to miss your bullet point on it too. Sigh. Added now, cheers . Harrias  talk 21:14, 5 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Alright this article, while rather short, is well written, reasonably comprehensive, well referenced, illustrated, neutral, and otherwise meets the GA criteria. Happy to pass. Eddie891 Talk Work 21:45, 5 August 2020 (UTC)