Talk:Thomas F. Mulledy/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:59, 24 May 2019 (UTC)

Comments It looks like a bit of a list but on further inspection I'm sure you'll find that 99.5% of it is trivial. I'll place the article on hold in the intervening period. Have a good weekend. The Rambling Man (talk) 21:08, 25 May 2019 (UTC)
 * I did a "find" on "he" in the lead, and found it seven times. I think you could probably reiterate his surname maybe at least one of those times for slightly less repetitive prose?
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:24, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "him to Nice for several" not wishing to patronise, but that's some exile, so it's worth calling out that Nice is in France...
 * At that time, Nice was actually part of the Kingdom of Piedmont-Sardinia. I think it might be better to refer to that, rather than modern-day France. Update: I've added teh kingdom; let me know if you think it reads well.  Ergo Sum  00:28, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "the Know Nothing Party" just a query really, our article calls it the Know Nothing movement, or the American Party, but not the "Know Nothing Party" per se. Is it ok?
 * I think it's fairly common usage to call it the Know Nothing Party. As far as I am aware, that is more common than referring to it as a movement.  Ergo Sum  00:44, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "August 12, 1794 in " comma after the year.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:45, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "in Romney, Virginia " comma after Virginia.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:56, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "poor farmer" disambiguation needed! So an incompetent one, or an impoverished one?
 * Clarified.  Ergo Sum  01:22, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "Sarah Chochrane, was also from Virginia, and was not Catholic." could tighten this a little by rephrasing "Sarah Chochrane, also from Virginia, was not Catholic."
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:56, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "viaticum" our article italicises this as it's not been adopted into common English, follow suit?
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:57, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "In Rome, he s" just me, but I'd avoid the Rome thing, and say "Once there,  he..."
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:58, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "two years, and subsequently spent another two" -> "two years and spent a further two..."
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:59, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * " crown prince of Naples" rather than link to "Kingdom of the Two Sicilies", do we know who that "crown prince" (or even "Crown Prince") was?
 * I've tried to locate who this crown prince was, but have been unable to. I'm also not entirely sure that the prince was from the Kingdom of Two Sicilies, but that's my best educated guess.  Ergo Sum  01:00, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * " following Fr. John William Beschter's" "Fr." may be a common abbreviation to you, but it's not to me...
 * It's a very common abbreviation for Father in the United States (in fact, more common than writing out Father). Perhaps this is an instance of MOS:ENGVAR?  Ergo Sum  01:02, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "Ratio Studiorum" see the italics comment for viaticum above. Same applies here.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:03, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * " lax in enforcing discipline at the college." vs "expelling several students" for me I think I understand, but the link's not abundantly clear; if I understand what's being discussed, the  point is that the discipline  was handed out to those plotting the  downfall of the rebellion rather than the intoxicatees?
 * Yes, Mulledy was lax in general, but did expel the students who plotted the ambush. I've rephrased the sentence slightly to streamline and clarify it.  Ergo Sum  01:25, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "Over the course of his tenure, Georgetown became an institution that was frequently visited by congressmen and senators. On the whole, he ..." once again, a new para, so I'd re-introduce who "he" is here.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:04, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * " to construct of a new infirmary" forgive my ignorance, this reads slightly archaically to me. Was he not simply afforded the opportunity to order the construction of an infirmary, rather than this turn of phrase?
 * Thank you for assuming I had used an archaic phrase, rather than simply making a typo. Alas, it was the latter. Fixed.  Ergo Sum  01:06, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "aboard The Ark and The Dove voyage" since there are two, shouldn't this be voyages? Or should it be "aboard the voyage of The  Ark and The Dove"?
 * The two sailed together, so I've rephrased along the lines of the latter.  Ergo Sum  01:07, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "Gervase Hall was completed in 1831" image caption is complete sentence so needs a period.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:08, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Link procurator.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:08, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "of the Maryland province " no need to relink Maryland.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:08, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "developed a problem of alcoholism" remove "a problem of".
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:09, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "in Worcester, Massachusetts in " comma after Massachussets.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:10, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "Fenwick Hall was completed in 1844 under Mulledy" needs a period.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:10, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "July 20, 1860 at " comma after 1860.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:10, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * "renamed Brooks-Mulledy Hall " just a query, should that be an en-dash per MOS:DASH?
 * Right you are.  Ergo Sum  01:12, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Ref 25, year ranges need en-dash, not hyphen.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:13, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Check all the Sources for year ranges, they all need en-dashes too.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:17, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Those suc-boxes look like they're using em-dashes, they should be en-dashes for the year ranges. Please check 'em all.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:18, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your comments. I've heeded your advice in resolving most of them. For the remainder, I've left a note.  Ergo Sum  01:26, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * All good, I'm satisfied that this more than meets the GA criteria. The Rambling Man (talk) 13:12, 26 May 2019 (UTC)