Talk:Tillson Harrison/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer:  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  16:57, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

Hi Julie, I'll be reviewing this, but it may be in fits and starts, since I'll be away for a few days next week. First comments probably tomorrow  Jimfbleak  -  talk to me?  16:57, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks Jim. I've got no problem with that. It gives me time to fix up any mistakes you point out :) JulieSpaulding (talk) 03:41, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

An interesting article about a colourful character


 * Technical stuff. Links all work, there is one Dab, Demodocus, where none of the alternatives are what you want. Image is correctly licensed, but lacks WP:alt text to describe what is depicted for unsighted readers (something like "young man in suit and tie" would do.
 * References need some work. On-line versions of "real" publications should be cited using Cite journal or cite book, since otherwise you lose data like publication date, volume, issue and page. The formatting also comes out wrong using cite web since books and journals should be italicised. You do not need retrieval dates for journals or books. Tertiary sources like non-specialist encyclopaedias are not really WP:RS. I'll let them go here, but they would be chopped down at FA, so use better sources if you can.
 * Lead section is too short, I think you need two paragraphs, with a bit more about his travels.
 * I don't think it's necessary to link well-known countries (China, French, Cuba} etc and definitely not the dates
 * Check for overlinking, eg Tilsonburg and Panch Villa are linked at least twice
 * "However" is overused, please trim
 * "University of Toronto medical school" needs consistency of capitalisation
 * On one occasion he locked his grandmother in her bedroom and became a local newspaper sensation after his attempt to 'ride the rails' to Cuba was discovered. rephrase or split, it reads as if the events should be connected
 * pacifist force should this be "peacekeeping"? you don't normally get pacifist armies
 * Overuse of sentence structures starting with adverbial or adjectival clauses eg Involved in the running of labor gangs building supply roads to remote areas for the most part, Harrison was only involved in one firefight.
 * Harrison disguised himself as a Catholic really? What do Catholics look like?
 * There is a fair bit of pov However(!), he was still not satisfied,
 * I made these edits]. please check

I'll be away for for a couple of days now the snow's melting - I think we got your winter, snow and frost for a month, while my brother-in-law in NS has nothing - so no rush  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  07:56, 15 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Hi Jim, thanks for your comments here. I think I've fixed all of the problems you pointed out. When you arrive back from your travels, could you please take a second look? Thanks! JulieSpaulding (talk) 10:29, 15 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Nearly there, but you have a citation template for one ref; although you can use cite or citation, it must be consistent, so that needs changing to a cite-style ref. For future reference, note that page ranges should have an n-dash rather than a hyphen - I've fixed them in this page. I've just remembered where you live -comment above about our winter must look pretty stupid (:  Jimfbleak  -  talk to me?  10:56, 15 January 2010 (UTC)
 * I've changed the citation to a 'cite journal'. That's true about Nunavut weather. It's currently -18 deg. C in Iqaluit (capital of Nunavut. That being said, it's 6:15am here so it's not exactly midday) and sunset's at 2:30pm :) JulieSpaulding (talk) 11:13, 15 January 2010 (UTC)


 * GA review   (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Well done, I'm off tomorrow just for a couple of days  Jimfbleak -  talk to me?  14:27, 15 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks Jim, my first good article! Have fun on your trip :) JulieSpaulding (talk) 14:31, 15 January 2010 (UTC)