Talk:Timebomb (Tove Lo song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 07:07, 8 September 2019 (UTC)

soon --Kyle Peake (talk) 07:07, 8 September 2019 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox looks good
 * Edit: Music video belongs in the infobox not external links; see "Amazing" for how ✅
 * "for her debut studio album" → "from her debut studio album" ✅
 * "It was written" → "The song was written" as you referenced the album more recently I changed it to "track", because otherwise the word "song" would appear in two consecutive sentences (is a song by Swedish singer and songwriter Tove Lo from her debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014). The song was written)
 * "produced by the latter" → "produced by Åhlund" since there is more than 2 people listed ✅
 * "the song was later" → "it was later" ✅
 * ""Timebomb" is an" → "The song is an" Why?
 * Merge "It received..." with the second para and start with "Timebomb received..." this is because you not only reference the album's title for the second time, but also this info is not to do with the song's release/musical info✅
 * "positive reviews by" → "positive reviews from" ✅
 * "However, the track" → "However, the song" for consistency ❌ "with many of them deeming it as one of the best songs from Queen of the Clouds. However, the song was not commercially successful"
 * Change to "the best tracks" instead then and "However, it" ✅
 * "A music video for "Timebomb"" → "An accompanying music video for it"❌ would end up like this: "A music video for it was released on 22 June 2015. It depicts Lo performing the song..."
 * "A music video for the song" works as you shouldn't ref the title twice in one lead para or use the track even; consistency! ✅
 * "It received positive reviews" → "The visual received positive reviews" as too much "it" is tedious ✅
 * Target LGBTQ → LGBT ✅
 * "The singer performed" → "Lo performed" as you referenced her name a while back ❌ Her name was referenced two sentences before, in "It depicts Lo performing the song on a beach..."
 * Fine, actually
 * Thanks for all this and the track can only be the alt reference for consistency in this case, fixed for you as it's only minor

Background and release

 * "also produced it, programmed it and" → "also handled the production and programming of it, and" ✅
 * "helped mastering it" → "helped master it" ✅
 * "Room, Stockholm and David" → "Room, Stockholm, and David"✅
 * "of the singer's debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014)." → "of Queen of the Clouds." as you've already told us the debut album status and it being from 2014 in the lead I mentioned many things in the lead; like the writers of the song, its genre, the release date; so everything mentioned in the lead should not be mentioned again in the body of the article?
 * I didn't mean it like that, but the fact(s) that it is debut album and released in 2014 should only be mentioned in the lead; this is how it is commonly done for song articles ✅
 * Shouldn't the above sentence in question be in the second para since it's about release? ✅
 * ""Timebomb" was initially" → "The song was initially" as you don't need to state the title that much ❌ the sentences would end up like this: "The song is included on "The Sex" section of the singer's debut studio album, Queen of the Clouds (2014). The song was initially..."
 * Fine, actually
 * "on the US contemporary hit radio" → "to US contemporary hit radio stations"✅
 * Target remixes → Remix
 * "was digitally released" → "was digitally released as a single" the sentence would end up like this: "Nonetheless, a remixes single of "Timebomb" was digitally released as a single in Europe on 12 August 2015"
 * Don't change, actually

Composition
I have addressed your comments. --Paparazzzi (talk) 18:32, 8 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Remove WikiLink to piano as you've already done this in the first section✅
 * "and an "anthemic" and "shouty"" → "and an "anthemic", "shouty"" ✅
 * "compared the song with" → "compared the song to" ✅
 * "In the lyrics" → "With the lyrics" ❌ Why should I change it?
 * The former reads weirdly, since she is talking about the romance with the usage of the lyrics ✅
 * "that first moment."[24]" → "that first moment".[24]" for grammar consistency ❌ per MOS:LQ, "If the quotation is a full sentence and it coincides with the end of the sentence containing it, place terminal punctuation inside the closing quotation mark."
 * Is it an author or the staff? ✅ it's the staff
 * Fine, actually
 * This isn't the end of the review just yet, but thanks for addressing my current batch! --Kyle Peake (talk) 19:52, 8 September 2019 (UTC)

Reception

 * Do we really need the img there? It can pass illustrated without because of the other img, it doesn't state what was praised about her. It is included to show who Tove Lo is; you can tell that her face is not visible in the artwork of the single
 * The latter part is true but as for the explanation, that logic is flawed as not every article of an artist's song requires a picture of them.
 * "from critics." → "from music critics." ✅
 * "was "the best thing [Tove Lo has] ever done" and praised" → "was the best thing that Tove Lo has "ever done" and praised" since grammar shouldn't be inside quotes for consistency and "the best thing" is encyclopedic so doesn't need speech marks ✅
 * "called it a" → "called the song a" as you need to not use "it" too much
 * "madcap stampede [...] with talky lyrics..." → "madcap stampede", white pointing out "talky lyrics..." ✅
 * "deemed it one" → "deemed the song as one" ✅
 * "On his review of" → "In his review of" ✅
 * "called it" → "called "Timebomb"" as you have wrote "best tracks" and the album's title since last using "it" or "the song"✅
 * "from that website" → "from the website" ✅
 * "described it as" → "described the song as" ✅
 * "called it one of the best songs" → "called "Timebomb" one of the best songs" as it's a new para and you can change below ✅
 * "said that "Timebomb" was the" → "said that the song was the"✅
 * Change target Redbull to Red Bull ✅
 * "number 5" → "number five" per MOS:NUMBERS ✅
 * "era Kate Bush."[33]" → "era Kate Bush".[33]" as there is no fullstop at that point in the source✅
 * "On the other hand," → "In a more negative review," as this comes after all positive✅
 * Start new para in this section for the commercial reception as it is three lines long✅
 * "It first entered the" → "It entered the" as first is essentially useless here since that's obvious ✅
 * "It spent eight weeks" → "The song spent eight weeks"✅

Background and release

 * "According to the singer" → "According to Lo" as you haven't mentioned her surname for quite a while by this point and it's a new section so yeah ✅
 * "archieve this, she" → "achieve this, she" ✅ OMG, hahaha
 * "ages, and sexual orientations who, in her opinion," → "ages and sexual orientations, who she claimed,"
 * Does nipple need to be WikiLinked? It is a relatively common word...
 * "the clip in a beach" → "the clip on a beach" as you can't film "in a beach"
 * "were published in several websites" → "were published by several websites"
 * Target Noise11 to Paul Cashmere
 * "women bodies were always sexualized" → "women's bodies were always sexualized"
 * WikiLink lyric video as done here
 * "while the lyrics are shown" → "while the lyrics are displayed"
 * "It was directed" → "The visual was directed" as you started the last sentence with "it"
 * "previously directed "Talking Body"'s lyric visual" → "previously directed the lyrical visual for "Talking Body""
 * "shared a 28-seconds" → "shared a 28-second" as that's how you commonly reference such a time in this context
 * "It finally premiered" → "The video finally premiered"
 * Remove WikiLink to website
 * "and the artist" → "and the singer" as you don't need too many nicknames
 * "to online chat site" → "to the online chat site"
 * ✅ to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:32, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Synopsis and reception

 * "takes place in a beach" → "takes place on a beach" ✅
 * "sitting in a wood platform" → "sitting on a wood platform" as she isn't literally sat inside it ✅
 * Remove WikiLinks to sexual orientations as they are commonly known of, also remove the one on old age but keep biracial✅
 * "the artist appears" → "the singer appears"✅
 * Add the fact that reviews were positive at the start of the second para ❌ per WP:SYNTH
 * WikiLink Complex
 * "described it as "emotional [...] simple..." → "described it from an emotional standpoint as "simple..." as it is best to avoid [...] especially in cases like this where emotional is only present in the title of the article
 * "stated that it had" → "stated that the video had"
 * Change to The Line of Best Fit
 * Target LGBTQ → LGBT
 * "supportive songs and videos" → "supportive songs, and videos"
 * "Spanish website" → "Spanish website Jenesaispop"
 * "Gay in Madrid, Spain, which" → "Gay in Madrid, which" as not only is it commonly known that Madrid is in Spain, but you have already stated Spanish website in this sentence so the implication is relatively high
 * ✅ to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:41, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Live performances

 * "On 23 May 2015, she sang it at the Boston..." → "On 23 May, she sang it at the 2015 Spring Boston..." as that is the actual name of the festival and stating the MD date is fine when it says the year in the same sentence
 * "included in the set list of her" → "included on the set list of the singer's"
 * "and tracks from" → "among tracks from" as otherwise there are three close usages of "and"
 * ✅ to all of this. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:43, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Track listings

 * Good

Charts

 * Should "chart" have the c capitalized? no, because that's not part of the name of the chart. --Paparazzzi (talk) 16:43, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Release history

 * Remixes should be in brackets for the second release ✅

Final comments and verdict
for now, good work on this, but there are a few issues that need fixing before I can pass this. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:24, 10 September 2019 (UTC)
 * I have addressed your comments. --Paparazzzi (talk) 17:22, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Remove the IMG of Tove Lo? --Kyle Peake (talk) 18:15, 10 September 2019 (UTC)
 * ✅ --Paparazzzi (talk) 19:27, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

✅! --Kyle Peake (talk) 04:56, 11 September 2019 (UTC)