Talk:Titanfall 2/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 12:23, 28 June 2018 (UTC)

Looks good overall. Placing on hold until issues are addressed. Freikorp (talk) 12:48, 28 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Consider wikilinking rifleman
 * Do you think it's necessary to mention the titan's serial number (BT-7274) in the lead? Also I don't think it is leadworthy to mention that they were "known internally as "action blocks". This is all fine for the body but I don't think you need to put it in the lead.
 * "as well as video games Half-Life" - video games Half-Life? Should this be 'video games including Half-Life' or 'the video game Half-Life'?
 * "A heavily modified version of Source powers the game" - I'd say "of the Source engine powers the game" for the benefit of non-gaming readers
 * "At launch, the game received critical acclaim" - I'd drop 'At launch' as redundant
 * "an arsenal of abilities" - is arsenal the right word for abilities? I note you use arsenal again later to describe the collection of weapons
 * "with the aid of a jump kit" - what is a jump-kit? This could use explanation.
 * "a sliding mechanic" - also needs explaining
 * "the holo-pilot, a holographic pilot that mimics players' action to confuse enemies," - I feel like everything after the first comma should be in brackets
 * "At close range, players can execute their opponents from behind" - what do they execute them with? Is it a melee attack?
 * "seven Titans are introduced" - I'm only counting six after this mention. Why is Monarch not mentioned until later?
 * "Finally, Monarch— added" - is that space after the dash supposed to be there? Same later with "long- or short-"
 * "upgrade itself on the fly" - 'on the fly' seems a bit colloquial
 * "Maps are sprawling" - what does this mean?
 * "in the "Effect and Cause" level, requires players to shift" - grammar
 * "Players can rodeo an enemy's Titan" - what exactly does this mean?
 * I think guild in "similar to a guild" was supposed to link to Video gaming clan
 * "In the wake of the Battle of Demeter" - consider linking Battle of Demeter to the plot section of the first game, rather than just the first game.
 * "Militia is on the offensive; battling" - I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure this should just have a regular comma instead of a semicolon
 * "a class three" - unless what this means can be clarified (is class three better than class one or vice versa) I don't think it's worth mentioning
 * "Jack Cooper is a class three rifleman in the Militia" - repetition; Cooper has already been introduced
 * "producer, Drew McCoy" - drop the comma
 * The Mohammed Alavi quote box needs a citation
 * "between the player character Jack Cooper and his Titan BT-7274" - I'd just say "between Cooper and BT-7274"
 * "Lee Wilson provided motion" - isn't Lee his middle name? Shouldn't you just say 'Wilson'?
 * Replace "Jack Cooper" with just 'Cooper' where possible, such as "as Jack Cooper transforms"
 * Cab you wikilink "occlusion" to something appropriate?
 * "controlled by EA not Respawn" - this is very awkward wording. How about "which was controlled by EA rather than Respawn,"?
 * "but it could have sold even better" - I'd drop 'even'
 * "Zampella claimed" - replace claimed with 'said' or equivalent as per WP:WORDS
 * - Thanks for the review! I think I have addressed most of your concern. Since I mention BT-7274 in the caption for the cover art, I include it in the lead section. AdrianGamer (talk) 06:56, 29 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Everything looks good to me, happy for this to pass now. :) Freikorp (talk) 11:55, 29 June 2018 (UTC)