Talk:To Fly!/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Some Dude From North Carolina (talk · contribs) 13:30, 7 February 2022 (UTC)

Infobox – Summary

 * File: To Fly (1976 short film).jpg To Fly (1976 short film).jpg (in the infobox)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 23:12, 9 February 2022 (UTC)

in the infobox.
 * Template:Infobox film recommeneds using "plainlist" or "ubl" instead of
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 23:16, 9 February 2022 (UTC)


 * Since only one form of currency is used, "US$" is only required for the first use (see MOS:MONEY).
 * Thanks for letting me know about this, I didn't know it's only for first usages. ✅  Gerald WL  01:12, 10 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "The idea of the film was mooted in 1970," – the sentence is short so I do not think the comma is necessary.
 * ✅  Gerald WL  01:12, 10 February 2022 (UTC)


 * July 4 – kind of an WP:EASTEREGG for non-Americans.
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 23:17, 9 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "Spectators below looks" "Spectators below look" (American English)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 23:18, 9 February 2022 (UTC)


 * a new age has begun – this also feels like an easter egg. I would remove the link since history of aviation is mentioned in the next paragraph.
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 23:19, 9 February 2022 (UTC)

Production
Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 18:48, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Is there any way to make a cite bundle out of "[16][19][20][21][22]" (in #Pre-production)?
 * ✅; this is similar to The Empire Strikes Back, Aliens (film), RoboCop, Frozen II, Inside Out (2015 film), Bee Movie, The Emoji Movie, IPad, and Kyline Alcantara, among others. Chompy Ace 21:25, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "proposed to them" – specify the "them" in that sentence.
 * ✅, it's the Smithsonian.


 * James Freeman[24] to make the film. James Freeman to make the film.[24]
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:43, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * Manual of Style (some quotes should end with ." not ".)
 * I reread the source and you're right; it's a full sentence. ✅
 * Commas after "fiction, documentary", Robert M. Young and "still photographer" (American English).
 * "Television documentarian and historian Jon Wilkman was also "briefly" involved in pre-production. NASA, the Office of Naval Research, and California Institute of Technology were also involved in the production." – remove the double use of "also" in consecutive sentences.
 * Add a "the" before California Institute of Technology.
 * "the best film for 11 years he and Freeman worked on together" – please reword
 * What you you think of the current, ?
 * "directed and filmed ... frequently switching roles" – it should be made clear that you're partially talking about the cinematographer.
 * I changed "filmed" to "cinematographed" if that's oki.
 * "5am to 9pm" "5am to 9pm" (WP:TIME)
 * Done.
 * "was relatively small but this did not" "was relatively small but did not"
 * "prompted the use of a storyboard and the script" – should this be part of the sentence it's in, or the next?
 * I tweaked the whole part.
 * "required use" "required the use"
 * "rules ignored" "rules were ignored"
 * "To have give the film a dramatic look" – remove "have"
 * "cross and cross-back lighting" (WP:JARGON, what is that? This also applies to a large part of this section.)
 * I looked into the paragraph and tried reducing the jargon.
 * "audiences sits" "audiences sit" (American English)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:30, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * "To have give the film a dramatic look" – remove "have"
 * "cross and cross-back lighting" (WP:JARGON, what is that? This also applies to a large part of this section.)
 * I looked into the paragraph and tried reducing the jargon.
 * "audiences sits" "audiences sit" (American English)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:30, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:30, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "Because the IMAX screen is enormous, audiences sits relatively close to the screen and "the new center lies approximately one-third up from the bottom of the screen"." – This sentence sounds like an explanation of IMAX theaters. How does this relate to the rest of the paragraph?
 * This is relevant as it mentions the photography term headroom: because what looks small in conventional screens will be gigantic in IMAX, plenty of space was provided so the subject doesn't seem too close.
 * "latter was treated" "latter were treated"
 * I can't seem to find this sentence?
 * "hot-air-balloon" "hot-air balloon"
 * "Some lenses specifically built for Hasselblad cameras" – is there a "were" missing in between this sentence?
 * I tweaked the whole sentence for more clarity.
 * Yuma Desert[14] took over four months to choreograph. Yuma Desert took over four months to choreograph.[14]
 * I disagree. The Yuma Desert part is the only one mentioned in ref 1, while ref 14 is where I got the "four months" and "time consuming" parts. I moved it to the back though.
 * "hits a screen ... and shattered it" – what type of screen? Like, the camera screen?
 * Yep, clarified.
 * "pointing the ground" – word missing?
 * "time period" – you can remove either one of those words and the sentence still works.
 * "a 1891" "an 1891"
 * Oddly enough I remember writing "Sierra No. 3" (with 'a'). Changed.
 * "They also learned from 2001: A Space Odyssey the importance of movement." "They also learned about the importance of movement from 2001: A Space Odyssey."
 * A lot of sentences in #Space_sequence use past-tense and poor vocabulary. Examples include "they learned something small like stars on an IMAX presentation is nothing on a traditional presentation" and the sentence that ends with "is impossible". Please make sure this section reads well.
 * I copyedited the section, see what you think
 * "to check" "to make sure" or "to confirm"
 * "Bellows and Hasselblad close-up lenses were used" "close-up lenses by Bellows and Hasselblad were used"
 * "Some scenes, including one at Saturn, was" "Some scenes, including one at Saturn, were"
 * Add "(fps)" after "frames per second" so the next use of the term fps makes sense.
 * Add "the" before "three-dimensional effect".
 * Remove the comma after Bernardo Segall.
 * ""the most professional and experienced symphonic"" – this sounds biased.
 * Tweaked.
 * "sprocketed, magnetic film" – what?
 * Clarified.
 * "expected audience" "expected audiences"
 * "Conoco helped fund the project "as a Bicentennial gift" to the NASM" (pre-production) ... "Conoco later became the film's sponsor" (post-production) – wait, what does this mean? Does "sponsor" mean they financed the film or that they promoted it?
 * It means that they financed the film. I removed the sentence as it's kinda obvious?
 * "combined with production" "combined with the production"
 * Remove the comma after Bernardo Segall.
 * ""the most professional and experienced symphonic"" – this sounds biased.
 * Tweaked.
 * "sprocketed, magnetic film" – what?
 * Clarified.
 * "expected audience" "expected audiences"
 * "Conoco helped fund the project "as a Bicentennial gift" to the NASM" (pre-production) ... "Conoco later became the film's sponsor" (post-production) – wait, what does this mean? Does "sponsor" mean they financed the film or that they promoted it?
 * It means that they financed the film. I removed the sentence as it's kinda obvious?
 * "combined with production" "combined with the production"
 * It means that they financed the film. I removed the sentence as it's kinda obvious?
 * "combined with production" "combined with the production"

Themes and style

 * "its visual rhetoric shines" – WP:RECEPTION
 * I can't seem to find a place for this bit in reception. I think it's relevant analysis, as the nationalist, metanarrative theme is said to run throughout the movie, so it's interesting that one thinks it only shows in the space sequence; the citation is also a film analysis publication.
 * "a museum admission" – is this referring to the NASM museum?
 * The book doesn't explicitly mention NASM. I think this is great, as NASM isn't the only museum screening it.
 * "categorized a travelogue" "categorized as a travelogue"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:42, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Release

 * "the inexperienced projectionists" ... from where?
 * "the projection booth" ... which one?'
 * I think having the above point done makes this clear.
 * "entering" "entered"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "human's quest" "humanity's quest"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "MacGillivray, who was close friends with Freeman" ... this is already established
 * "as well as a shot of a vast forest with a score including a feminine sigh as the expanse is revealed" – too wordy
 * "screened screens it since its opening" – reword
 * "It has also been show" "It has also been shown"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * "It has also been show" "It has also been shown"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:41, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Reception

 * Remove the comma after "within the US and Canada".
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "highest grossing" "highest-grossing"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "Contemporarous" "Contemporary"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "most-underrated" "most underrated"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * Add a comma after every use of "however".
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "audiences can be heard exclaiming in awe" "audiences were heard exclaiming in awe"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * Add "a" before "fear of flying".
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * Remove the comma after "a form of escapism".
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:11, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Legacy

 * "top-three" "top three"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "Indonesia, US" "Indonesia, the US"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "at Moscow" "in Moscow"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "instrumental to" "instrumental in"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "incuding" – typo
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)


 * "highest-grossing documentary" "the highest-grossing documentary"
 * ✅ Chompy Ace 21:07, 24 February 2022 (UTC)

Progress