Talk:Trauma Team/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: OceanHok (talk · contribs) 10:27, 2 December 2021 (UTC)


 * The wish for variety after multiple titles with similar gameplay resulted in the different medical professions - maybe different "playable" medical professions will make it sound better?
 * Done.
 * The story was influenced by the 2009 swine flu pandemic, and reduced the usage of supernatural and science fiction elements to create a more grounded narrative. - This usage of sci-fi and supernatural elements was prominent in older instalments in the series?
 * Done.
 * Trauma Team is a video game that combines simulation gameplay with storytelling employing a non-interactive visual novel style using motion comic segments with full voice acting - There is way too much information in one sentence. Try to break them into two.
 * I couldn't comfortably break it in two, but I did reduce the word count by half.
 * the player must treat a number of patients with a basic set of situational tools while each patient loses health - what are "situational tools"?
 * I cut "situational".
 * The player navigates areas and searches using the radar for problems, with the gameplay focus being precise small-scale surgery after locking onto a problem area - Isn't this part just repeating what's said before?
 * I cut this, and merged the radar bit with an earlier scene.
 * going between the crime scene and the lead character's offices where the body and evidence are collected ranging from clues on the corpse to witness testimony. - "going between the crime scene and the lead character's offices where the body and evidence ranging from clues on the corpse to witness testimony are collected"
 * Done.
 * The player gathers clues represented as cards, with different cards combining to create either new clues or solid evidence, and question-answer segments which can produce further clue cards and evidence - The player cannot gather "question-answer segments"
 * I've split the sentence in two and clarified that the question-answer segments are triggered by unlocking new evidence.
 * Two difficulties are available from the start - Two "difficulty levels"
 * Done
 * "Intern" and "Resident", with a higher difficulty dubbed "Specialist" available after the game's completion - are available
 * Done.
 * In the seventh chapter, there is a mass outbreak of the disease causing the black bruises - "In the seventh chapter" doesn't seem necessary. It is a bit odd in the plot section.
 * I cut it and reworded slightly.
 * but was infected himself and killed Rosalia in an unbalanced attempt to stop it spreading - "unbalanced" doesn't seem like the right word to use here
 * I've substituted "insane" since that's the plot point; Rosalia drove him insane.
 * While director Daisuke Kanada himself described the concept as "pretty farfetched", the team felt they were the ones best suited to successfully turning the concept into a game - What is "they"? The six professionals?
 * "They" was the production team. I've put in "Atlus" so it's not ambiguous.
 * The new Japanese title Hospital referenced the scope of the game's medical procedures - "the scope of the game's medical procedures" seems vague. May be just say that more medical professions are represented in this game?
 * Changed to "the increased number of represented medical procedures"
 * After that, the team included endoscopy, diagnosis, orthopaedics and first response - first response should be changed to emergency medicine to keep key terms consistent.
 * Done.
 * detail both different stages and styles of medical care previously untouched by the series - "Detail" doesn't sound like the right word. "Stages" and "style" don't sound right either.
 * Cut it, since it was unnecessary repetition.
 * When creating the game systems and considering the Wii controls, the designer team looked at earlier Trauma Center games and decided what had to stay and what they needed to change. The latter included the often-strict victory conditions and lack of clarity about loss conditions - "When creating the game systems and considering the Wii controls" doesn't seem necessary. Does "the latter" refer to what's needed to be changed? Wouldn't saying what's the team has actually changed a more direct way of discussing this?
 * I rewrote it as "The design team examined earlier Trauma Center games for what could stay or needed to be changed. Discarded elements included the often-strict victory conditions and lack of clarity about loss conditions."
 * Surgery was refined from earlier Wii entries - The gameplay of surgery was refined
 * Done.
 * and general playability being improved - what is "general playability". This is an odd term describing gameplay.
 * I realised that was repeititon, so I cut it.
 * The emergency medicine discipline was tricky to design so it was compelling, with multiple elements being suggested based on the team's love of drama series which showed such scenes; a successful inclusion from these inspirations was chest compression. - what was "compelling". The discipline is "compelling"? Designing this discipline is "compelling"? What are "such scenes"? Chest compression?
 * I just rewrote this to be simpler.
 * Orthopaedics was difficult to define at first, but after Kanada said he wanted something to contrast against the other surgical gameplay modes, its tone and easier difficulty were finalised - Honestly this doesn't explain anything. Why don't you just say "The easier difficulty of Orthopaedics was designed to contrast other surgical game modes". What exactly is the tone?
 * Rewrote based in your suggestion, my verbiage got the better of me.
 * The diagnosis segments required a large amount of research to create a compelling gameplay experience - The diagnosis segments do not create a compelling gameplay experience. It was the team that created the gameplay. This sentence pattern seems to be grammatically incorrect.
 * Rewritten.
 * Forensic medicine was inspired by the team's liking of crime dramas, with its style of investigation rather than an autopsy being asked for by Atlus USA. - the latter part of this sentence was clumsily written. Do you want to say the team rejected Atlus USA's idea to have an autopsy segment and they instead created its own style of investigation? What is this "style of investigation".
 * Rewritten, the info is that Atlus USA successfully steered the mode away from just being an autopsy simulator.
 * He was friends with a doctor and said they might be able to help with the design, but the team already had a medical consultant. - If his friend didn't actually help with the game's development, this should not really be included.
 * Cut.
 * He also had to be careful with how he portrayed the conflict, as the characters' "fight" could potentially be interpreted negatively when coupled with their role in saving lives - what is "the conflict"? Does this fight means they are physically fighting each other?
 * It's their fight against illness/injury, hope I made that a little clearer.
 * Speaking about his portrayal of the characters, Kobayashi said that he combined the Japanese style of unusual settings with the more Western focus on characters' struggles - Why would he portray these characters? Didn't he write them only? What is "Japanese style of unusual settings"? The hospitals in Japan are different from that of the western world?
 * Unusual was his word, I put it in quotes. Also cut the opening bit.
 * When planning the professions of each character, Kanada picked them out so they could be believably involved in a viral outbreak. - "The six professions were picked as Kanada thought that they could be believably involved in a viral outbreak" or something like that sounds a bit better.
 * Done.
 * Tomoe always had a traditional Japanese dress style, but more resembled Maria until she was redesigned later as a more traditional Japanese beauty. - So Maria is a untraditional Japanese beauty? This comparison to Maria doesn't help readers to understand at all.
 * Tried to rewrite this.
 * Doi created the game's presentation alongside designer Naoya Maeda - I don't think a presentation can be "created", which seems to be the wrong word to use here.
 * Rewrote it as "The presentation, including cutscenes and UI, was co-created by Doi and designer Naoya Maeda."
 * It was so impressive that this style was applied to the game's UI - Doesn't sound necessary. Sounds a bit WP:PEACOCK to be honest.
 * Rewrote this to be ", opting for it after positive feedback."
 * The internal organs underwent a redesign compared to earlier entries, - Internal organs cannot be redesigned. Only its design/ artstyle/graphics can be.
 * Rewrote that bit.
 * Previously scheduled for a North American release in April, the date was later pushed forward to May 18, 2010 - sounds like a delay and not a push forward?
 * Done.
 * artwork from the game and its production - artwork from the game is sufficient
 * Done.
 * Trauma Team saw no release in Europe - Trauma Team was not released in Europe.
 * Done.
 * The game's marketing created troubles inherent to the Trauma Center series as a whole, but also presented new challenges due to the wider range of medical professions represented - what are these "inherent troubles"?
 * Clarified that it was due to the gameplay style.
 * the team had a large amount of text to translate and numerous actors to cast for the various roles - the team had to translate a large amount of text and cast numerous actors.
 * The team took a video-heavy marketing approach to reach the widest possible audience and demonstrate the gameplay in an effective way - To be honest, I am not seeing any connection between a video-heavy marketing approach and reaching the widest possible audience.
 * I just cut this.
 * Several noted these two modes had pacing issues or grew repetitive - which are the "two modes"? Forensics and diagnosis?
 * Clarified.
 * a decent game that’s held back by its weaker elements - what are the weaker elements?
 * Explained, hopefully.
 * Stewart Shearer noted some issues holding the game back in its narrative - what are these "issues"?
 * Clarified, hopefully.
 * Clarified, hopefully.

I think overall this article is a very well-researched, but some parts were very awkwardly written. Many parts seem to be written in a very ambigious way and have assumed that readers have sufficient understanding of the game and the series in general. OceanHok (talk) 06:25, 3 December 2021 (UTC)
 * I hopefully addressed everything you mentioned above. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:23, 3 December 2021 (UTC)
 * I have promoted the article. I think a copyediting effort may be needed if you want to bring the article to FA, but I am happy with the current state of the article. OceanHok (talk) 11:34, 6 December 2021 (UTC)