Talk:Trier Adventus Ivory

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Chelsieacrec.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 04:27, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer review by Sarah Benedict (Benedics14)
Hi Chelsie!

Below you will find suggested edits and the like that I came upon when reading your sandbox. I'm just going to put them in bullet form to make it easier on both of us.

-"Believed to have been intended to be read from left to right, the scene being depicted is that of andentus propme or ritualized arrival escorting of in this case a holy treasure into the city." make this into two sentences or insert a comma

-"Andentus propme where ceremonies of the emperor, important church official..." were ceremonies of the emperor? or where? if you are saying where, then reconstruct the rest of the sentence.

-Bering..? are you saying bringing up the rear or bearing?

-" The last figure important to notice is the..." rephrase

-are you planning on inserting images?

-Watch out for little grammatical/punctual errors.

-"Many hypothesis exist in regards to the identities of the emperor and empress, but nothing has yet to be proven"    who are mentioned in these hypotheses?

- I didn't notice any citations used in the text you added...

You've got a good start here. I would go through a few times, maybe read it out loud, to find and fix those little typos and grammar errors. Imagery would be wonderful but I know it's hard to add images to Wikipedia, I'm having issues with that myself due to copyright laws.

Review
Hi Chelsie!

This is Samantha Stanfill. Overall I think you have a really good start. I also looked at Sara's comments and I think that those edits will be very helpful. Along with Sara's comments I would suggest a few minor edits:

- I think you give a very good analysis of the Ivory but I was wondering if you could give a little bit more historical context - adding a few pictures would be beneficial for the viewer to visualize the ivory and be able to reference your analysis - I know Sara already said it but make sure you add some citations and especially peer reviewed sources Best of luck! Samstan (talk) 20:46, 26 November 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Prof Mc:
Hi Chelsie, I'm responded to this as a draft, since you didn't post earlier to D2L and get feedback, and it still needs a little extra polish to do an interesting topic justice. You're mostly there, but you might consider as you revise: One consequence of all of the sentence fragments is that they make the text seem choppy. For example, could these two statements be connected: Thought to have been intended to be read from left to right. The panel depicts what is known as an adventus ceremony which is a celebratory parade of either important political figures such as an emperor, religious persons, and holy relics, as in this case. You have some great descriptive language and the overall structure is very clear, so the above revisions shouldn't take that long to accomplish. Please touch base with any question, AMcClanan (talk) 05:11, 6 December 2017 (UTC)AMcClanan
 * Remember to link to other Wikipedia entries. For example, in the first sentence you'd link to Trier and Germany.
 * Take another look at some of the mechanics, such as the sentence fragments appearing throughout: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/620/01/
 * A sixth-century dating is not favored now or in the past. To that point, why not do a little more research and pull in sources written since the 1970s? When I put "Trier Ivory" into the PSU Library's main searchbar, several recent sources appear in the first page of results.