Talk:Tunnel Vision (Pop Smoke song)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 15:35, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

I will review this soon to help get you closer to a GT! --K. Peake 15:35, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead
❌ I used Blindfold Me, an FA article as inspiration.
 * The inclusion of (Outro) in the song's title is not sourced as an alternative stylization anywhere in the body
 * Move the drill genre to being merged with the drill sentence instead, as it belongs with musical info
 * "The song was produced by" → "It was produced by"
 * Maybe mention the original melody part in the lead after production?
 * "be an impact on the world." → "have an impact on the music industry." per the body
 * Target music critics to Music journalism
 * "expressed the song as" → "expressed it as"
 * "on the US Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs and number 57 on the Canadian Hot 100 charts." → "on the US Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart and number 57 on the Canadian Hot 100."
 * "during the song" → "on the song"

Background

 * Target mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)
 * "He then sent it" → "The producer then sent it"
 * "of the song is" → "of the song, created by Hackney, is"
 * Target Western flute to Western concert flute
 * "played the songs beat" → "played the song's beat"
 * "in the Bahamas. The track had" → "in the Bahamas; the track had" to avoid too short of a sentence
 * "because of the melody. When 808Melo" → "because of the melody and when 808Melo"
 * "to make the song a throwaway until Pop Smoke wanted to record song" → "to scrap the beat, until Pop Smoke wanted to record the song"
 * "he tells Hackey that" → "he told Hackey that"
 * "on Pop Smoke's album." → "on the album."
 * Shouldn't you mention the stylization of the song's title with (Outro) in it here; maybe use the Tidal ref, plus the producers and writers are not written out here like they should be

Composition and reception

 * "best friend, Mike Dee, right at" → "best friend Mike Dee at"
 * "Toward the end of" → "Towards the end of"
 * "Suarez called the song" → "Suarez called it"
 * "Paul Thompson of" → "Paul Thompson from" to avoid overusing "of" in this para
 * "stomps "as hard as" → ""stomp[s] as hard as" since that word is not encyclopedic
 * "on the US Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs and number 57 on the Canadian Hot 100 charts." → "on the US Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart and number 57 on the Canadian Hot 100."

Lawsuit

 * Wikilink Victor Victor Worldwide
 * Wikilink Republic Records
 * Apart from the first sentence because it is next to [13], [12] should be invoked only at the end of the sentence
 * "Court documents said that Inoyo" → "Court documents say that Inoyo" because they still exist
 * "answered on video that" → "answered on video footage that"
 * "she claimed she fixed and published" → "she allegedly "fixed" and "published""
 * Wikilink should only be on YouTube
 * "her vocals and, her" → "her vocals, "and/or" her"
 * "on Pop Smoke's debut studio album." → "on the album." because it is already known as his debut; it is not needed to mention such terms in areas of the body unless it is release or a similar section
 * "on Pop Smoke's album." → "on Shoot for the Stars, Aim for the Moon." per above
 * "appear on his album" → "appear on the album"
 * "on June 22" → "on June 22, 2020"
 * "which translates to" → "which translates to around"
 * "on Pop Smoke's album, and a percentage of the publishing income earned from Shoot for the Stars, Aim for the Moon." → "on Shoot for the Stars, Aim for the Moon, and a percentage of the publishing income earned from it."

Credits and personnel

 * Bashar Jackson → Pop Smoke (remember our discussion for "Gangstas")

Charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed, but this article is definitely a lot more notable than some I'd contest in the past! --K. Peake 20:15, 8 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Kyle Peake I have addressed all your comments. The Ultimate Boss (talk) 08:04, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * You still need to change during the song to on the song in the lead, plus remove wikilink on Bahamas and remove the word "right" in comp. Everything else looks good mostly, though! --K. Peake 08:19, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * done.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:00, 10 March 2021 (UTC)