Talk:Typhoon Etau (2003)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Juliancolton (talk · contribs) 03:04, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this article. Should be done very shortly. –  Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 03:04, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

Looks great overall. I have a few minor suggestions before I pass the article. That's about it. I would also suggest using Digital Typhoon as the publisher instead of the author for the references to that site, but it's not a big issue. –  Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 03:48, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * The origins of Typhoon Etau were from an area of convection that formed near Chuuk State on July 31, with a weak circulation to the east. - you link Atmospheric circulation, but that term refers to large-scale circulation (like the Hadley Cell, for example). Different wording or linking is needed. Also, it's a bit difficult to parse that the circulation was some undefined distance "east" of the convection, so I think you'd do well to better explain either the relationship of the two aspects of the disturbance, or see if you can find out why it was disjointed (just shearing?).
 * Clarified. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * with convection organized into outflow to the south - this is also confusing. Convection produces outflow, but doesn't become it.
 * Rejiggered that sentence. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Increasing wind shear and cooler air caused Etau to weaken, although it still maintained 10 minute winds of 140 km/h (85 mph) when it made landfall near Muroto on the Japanese island of Shikoku, shortly before 1300 UTC on August 8. - couple things here. Cooler air doesn't by itself cause a storm to weaken - if you can confirm that the air was "drier" or "more stable", or that the SSTs were actually what was cooler, that would be beneficial I think. Also, the sentence as a whole is rather verbose; my brain felt a little out-of-breath after reading it.
 * The ATCR said "it began to slowly weaken as it encountered increasing vertical wind shear, cool air and the mountainous terrain of Shikoku and Honshu". GP just attributes the weakening to the shear, so I went with JTWC here since it provided more. And I split the sentence in two, easy enough. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * I know the reason for this, but the text talks about the storm making landfall on Hokkaido, while the adjacent track map clearly doesn't show that. I'm afraid it might be confusing to n00bs if they don't know the source of the discrepancy. A small in-text agency attribution would work.
 * Good point, clarified. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * In the Amami Islands, about 45,000 houses, or 53% of residents, lost power due to high winds from the storm. - there might not be anything wrong here, but a house is different from a resident in terms of power outages. Are you sure the two are used in the right place?
 * Good point. I moved the "53%" portion to the end of the sentence. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Throughout Japan, Etau disrupted flight and train travel,[4] causing over 1,000 flights to be canceled,[30] and for bullet trains to operate at a slower speed, causing delays. - this line kind of says the same things twice each. Any way to condense it?
 * Yea, I cut the first part. That was in the sandbox phase and became redundant. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks a lot for the review! I switched the DT links, fwiw. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 04:08, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Cool! Everything looks great now. –  Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 14:28, 4 December 2013 (UTC)