Talk:Typhoon Irma (1985)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 03:44, 22 May 2017 (UTC)

Hello, YE. I am going to review this article tonight.--12george1 (talk) 03:44, 22 May 2017 (UTC) There's some issues that need to be worked out, but I will pass the article if these are addressed in a timely manner, provided I don't find any other problems.--12george1 (talk) 03:44, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * Can you be more specific about where the storm formed? After the opening sentence, you don't mention anywhere specific until the 7th sentence (which the storm wasn't that close to). Looks like it was near Guam?
 * Added. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "It slowly developed, but lack of organization delayed classification as a tropical cyclone." - That's not really a contrast. In fact, that sounds like a reason why classification was delayed. Maybe: "It slowly developed, with insufficient organization delaying classification as a tropical cyclone."?
 * ✅. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "After passing northeast of the Philippines Typhoon Irma attained" - Comma after Philippines
 * ✅. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "40 homes were flooded 20 flights were cancelled" - Comma after flooded
 * ✅. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "Although Irma stayed offshore the Philippines, moisture associated with Irma inundated areas" ---> "Although Irma stayed offshore the Philippines, moisture associated with the storm inundated areas"
 * ✅. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "all combing to leave more than 240,000 stranded." - "combing"? Is that you, Mr. Trump? :P
 * Nah, Trump's hair is messier than Bernie's :P YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * You have more impact for the Philippines ($16 million in damage) than Japan ($545 million in damage) in the lead section. Maybe add the number of homes destroyed or damaged nationally?
 * The lead is a bit long. I removed a sentence from the Philippines section but tbf there were 65 deaths there and only 19 in Japan. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * The link for Ponape leads to a disambiguation page. It looks like you should Pohnpei instead (formerly known as Ponape)
 * Yeah, fixed, I've run into this before. YE Pacific Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * Some terms are linked more than once in the MH, like Guam, monsoon trough, barometric pressure, and subtropical ridge. There could be others
 * Cut back. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane
 * The MH never mentions the 955 mbar minimum pressure
 * The 955 mbar pressure is fake news (ok, it's from the HKO, which we only use for pre-JTWC era typhoons). Switched the pressure. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "Offshore Bataan, eight fisherman were initially rendered" ---> "Offshore Bataan, eight fishermen were initially rendered"
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane
 * "Additionally, Mount Amagi recorded 18.0 in (457 mm) in a day," - millimeters first
 * Fixed. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "A total of 1,475 mudslides occurred along Japan" ---> "A total of 1,475 mudslides occurred in Japan"
 * Fixed. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "leaving 375,000 displaced,[14] 116,963 of which were" - 375,000 bottles of beer? :P Also, you don't use "of which" when talking about people. Say "of whom" instead
 * New business opened by Trump since the election :P (and fixed both). YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "160 trains were delayed or cancelled, which resulted in 50,000 stranded." - Ditto. Also, replace "resulted in" with "left" or "rendered"
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "There, 400,000 were also stranded due to lack of train service." - Same
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "were suspended,[23] leaving 240,000 stranded." - Same
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "493 people sought refuge in shelter." - Too much space after the number. Also, "shelters", not "shelter"
 * Removed space. This is what I get for adding non-breaking spaces at the end :P YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "A total of 811 dwellings were destroyed[19] and 10,000 homes were damaged.[26] A total of 12,691 houses were flooded." - These two sentences could be merged easily. I suggest: "A total of 811 dwellings were destroyed[19] and 10,000 homes were damaged, with 12,691 houses flooded."
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * "a total of 31,617 ha (78,125 acres) of crops was damaged." ---> "a total of 31,617 ha (78,125 acres) of crops were damaged."
 * ✅. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * In the references, it says "Association Press" for 4 references, but it should be "Associated Press"
 * Good call, fixed. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review as always GC. Hope it's better now. YE <sup style="color:#666660;">Pacific <sup style="color:#666660;">Hurricane  04:20, 22 May 2017 (UTC)
 * Ok. I am going to pass this article now.--12george1 (talk) 17:13, 24 May 2017 (UTC)