Talk:Typhoon Vera (1983)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TheAustinMan (talk · contribs) 02:44, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

Hello, User:Yellow Evan. I will be reviewing Typhoon Vera (1983); like my previous reviews, I will be reviewing section by section rather than criteria-by-criteria, beginning at the lead (or bot checks) and ending at the external links section (if applicable).  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:44, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

Lead

 * Where's the closed parentheses in the PAGASA name?
 * Fixed. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * You have two (not visible in read-format) spaces following reference 1. You should also fill out Reference #1, it's a rather odd looking citation.
 * Fixed. 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "Although it was initially..." – Clarify 'it'. 'It' could define the monsoon trough in the context that it is used.
 * ✅. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "...strengthening to a tropical storm the following..." – the following what?
 * Day. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "...before weakened slightly over the islands." – You're missing a pronoun in there.
 * Nope, rather the very was in the wrong form. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Hai-Nan is usually spelled Hainan, so you should change it to that.
 * It's spelled like that in ATCR, but okay. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "A total of 76,346 homes were "partially" damaged. A total of 24,280 people sought shelter due to Vera." – You use 'a total' to start a sentence twice in a row. Try switching things up, using terms like 'approximately,' 'about,' 'at least,' 'nearly,' etc.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:44, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Neither of your suggestions work, given that the totals are non-estimated, but I changed it something else. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

Meteorological history

 * "On July 4, the storm developed a persistent circulation." – A monsoon trough is not a storm per se.
 * Yea it is. Just not a storm that we think of when we think of TC's :P YE Pacific  Hurricane
 * "Even though meteorologists from the JTWC anticipated weakening as it moved through the island group..." – Again, please clarify 'it'. Was the JTWC moving through the island group? Perhaps the meteorologists? No.
 * People aren't stupid. They won't think the meteorologists went through the island group :P YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Double space after "Convention gradually increased..."
 * Heh, fixed. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "Vera slowly weakened before moving ashore near Haiphong around 0000 UTC on July 18..." → "Vera slowly weakened before moving ashore near Haiphong at around 0000 UTC on July 18..."
 * Ill give you a break and change it. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Anything about the JTWC ceasing their monitoring operations?  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:44, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * It's only the JTWC; they are unofficial. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)

Impact and aftermath

 * As a general rule only include references after punctuation (e.g. at the end of sentences, after clauses, etc.).
 * No, it makes it easier for you to do your famed "source spotcheck" :P YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "Around 200,000 people were homeless." – Indicate that this was a result of Vera.
 * Good idea in theory, but again, people aren't stupid. It gets annoying saying "due to Vera" a zillion times. I did a nother metnion of Vera earlier, where I felt it suited better.
 * "Most of the casualties in Bataan were due to drowning, ... which was the hardest hit by the storm." – Some re-ordering is required here. Right now, the sentence says drowning was the hardest hit by the storm.
 * Good call, better now? YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "About 30 houses in San Pablo City, were either demolished by strong winds or by falling coconut trees." – Axe the comma.
 * ✅. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "Overall, damage totaled $42 million (1983 USD)." – The currency notation may not be needed if you included a  [Note] in the lead.
 * The note may not be needed if you have the currency notation :P YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "However, damage to crops totaled to only $9.4 million..." – No need for 'to'
 * You're getting tired here. It makes no sense without the "to".
 * "...since residents were just begging to replant fields." – I think you mean 'beginning' instead of 'begging'; I would think high demand would lead to high damage cost perhaps?
 * Yep :P. YE Pacific  Hurricane
 * "Heavy rains helped alleviate a prolonged drought in northern Vietnam, which prevented the planting of rice." → "Heavy rains helped alleviate a prolonged drought in northern Vietnam, which had prevented the planting of rice."
 * ✅ YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * "Because Typhoon Vera posed a threat to Southern China, 36 bulletins were issued." –  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:44, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Added. YE Pacific  Hurricane 04:02, 4 December 2013 (UTC)