Talk:USS Marmora (1862)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 11:51, 28 November 2022 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 11:51, 28 November 2022 (UTC)

Prelim

 * Cavalry is a duplicated link
 * Removed the second linking
 * File:NH 51798 (27260143882).jpg looks like it should be OK, but the date currently says it was taken in 2016
 * Fixed the date
 * Not sure File:Yazoo River 1863 Porter.jpg currently demonstrates that the image was created by a USG employee?
 * Found a source for an equivalent image stating that the map was published in 1911, so I've updated the licensing
 * Earwig reports copyvio unlikely
 * No edit wars

Lede and infobox

 * Lede says she was decommissioned in June rather than July
 * Fixed
 * Suggest adding a "×" to the propulsion in infobox
 * Added
 * Add a caption to the infobox image, e.g. location
 * Location doesn't seem to be known any further than "Western rivers", so I've added a caption noting that Marmora is the one in the foreground
 * Lede does not make it that clear that Marmora was originally a civilian vessel
 * clarified
 * Remove one of the two "Marmora was.." from the first line of the lede
 * Done
 * 1862 is repeated in first/second line of lede
 * Removed the second one
 * "on the Yazoo" in the Yazoo?
 * I think this is an American English thing
 * Add a date for Chickasaw Bayou
 * Added
 * "to a fleet"
 * Oops, added the missing word
 * Was Marmora assigned to the Fort Hindman fleet in January 1863, or was the fleet operating against Fort Hindman in January 1863? (or both?!)
 * Should be clearer after rewording
 * Replace "she" with Marmora in first line of second lede paragraph
 * Done
 * "in late 1863" another repeated date
 * Rephrased
 * Link military surplus
 * Linked
 * Ship country is missing in infobox
 * Added

Construction and characteristics
like most vessels, she was slower when going against the current
 * Link shipyard
 * Done
 * Could you describe "buckets" in a way that might remove confusion with...actual buckets?
 * Rephrased - it's another name for the paddles on the wheels
 * Link boilers
 * Done
 * "describes as an innovation" which part of the design is the innovation?
 * Removed; source is unclear
 * You describe the different speeds as if they disagree with each other when they really don't. I don't think you need to cite the sources here; it seems to just be the case that,
 * Done
 * "McDonald used Marmora several times" is there any particular designation you can give Marmora for her civilian role?
 * Best I can say is that she was transporting passengers and freight (from the old newspaper article)
 * I found a further detail buried deep in Smith 2010a's footnotes. Hog Farm Talk 04:29, 4 December 2022 (UTC)
 * "purchased it" use "her", as you have elsewhere
 * Done
 * You can link tinclad with wikt if you think it useful
 * I've actually found an enwiki glossary page to link to
 * "December 1864" repeated date
 * Reworded
 * "Marmora was one of the first purpose-built tinclads in the Union Navy" how can this be the case? She was built for civilian purposes, as the article states. If this was the first purposeful conversion of a ship to the type, then I think you've undersold the changes involved in "Marmora became a tinclad warship"
 * I've reworded and added a brief description of the changes that were generally made to convert civilian steamers into tinclads

Service history

 * "Marmora left Carondelet on October 22" to go where?
 * Added
 * As you probably know by now, I'm not a US military expert. Is "volunteer" actually a part of Getty's rank?
 * Apparently so - it's even used in official military records mentioning Getty
 * Getty has an upper case "A" in acting, while Porter has lowercase
 * Capitalized for Porter
 * Suggest sticking with either "...USS Example" or "...the USS Example", you've currently got both in use
 * Standardized with "... USS Example"
 * Link picket
 * Linked
 * Any possible link for Drumgould's Bluff?
 * Yes, under the spelling Drumgold's Bluff but it just redirects to a specific 1863 battle, so I'm not sure that it's useful in this situation
 * Link batteries
 * Done
 * Missing capital on "december"
 * Fixed
 * "USS Cairo and USS Pittsburgh"
 * Done
 * Link plantation
 * I've linked the more specific plantation overseer
 * "fired on the vessels"
 * Corrected
 * "Cairo was then struck by two torpedoes"
 * I've changed "torpedoes" to "mines". The free-floating naval mines of the American Civil War were known as torpedoes - "Damn the torpedos full speed ahead" - and are often referred to as such in the literature, but most modern readers will think of the more modern propelled torpedoes, so I think referring to them as mines is probably better
 * Link gunboat
 * Done
 * A little detail on the significance of Chickasaw Bluff for Marmora would be useful
 * Ugh. Tomblin I'd accessed via the Wikipedia Library, Smith devotes one sentence to the involvement of Marmora at Chickasaw Bluff, and the other sources aren't very detailed.  I am in the process of interlibrary loaning a book that will hopefully help out in this section and the early 1863 Yazoo River stuff  Hog Farm Talk 02:27, 2 December 2022 (UTC)
 * None of the sources address this directly, but I've added a transition sentence here to get from the Chickasaw defeat to Arkansas Post.
 * I am not aware of what the Old River and False River are, and considering they aren't linked I think some description would be good
 * "which was low on coal"
 * Fixed
 * "Watson Smith" don't need to repeat full name
 * Deleted first name
 * Sentence beginning "Marmora, with seven other warships" is missing something
 * Reworded. I don't know what happened there
 * "another minor skirmish" any information about this or the other minor skirmishes? As it is it's starting to feel a little like a calendar!
 * There's really not much to say on these. Essentially the Confederates would take pot shots at the vessels or at boat parties, and then the tinclads would shell the shoreline.
 * "but on April 17 again" > "but on April 17 Marmora again"
 * Done
 * Link guerillas
 * Linked
 * What was Nebraska? Assuming she was civilian, but would be useful to specifically say so
 * A quartermaster's department transport. Added.
 * Note the type of ship for USS Prairie Bird
 * Done
 * "the Little Rock campaign was beginning" this reads a little too much like a dramatic opening, suggest rephrasing
 * Rephrased
 * "in late 1863" year repetition
 * Rephrased
 * What's Island No. 70?
 * Footnoted
 * Romeo has not been introduced at the time of her first mention
 * Introduced and redlinked. I intend to get to write this article soon.
 * Link brigade
 * Done
 * "Later that day"
 * Done
 * "the forces skirmished" what forces? You've only introduced the forces of Owen and Coates, who I assume aren't attacking each other
 * Clarified
 * Greenwood is spelt wrong
 * Corrected
 * Link howitzer
 * linked
 * "under the commanded of Gibson" either "under the command of" or "commanded by", but not both!
 * Rephrased
 * "fired rapidly"
 * Done
 * "the piece played a major role in the fighting" you've already said it fired rapidly, this doesn't seem useful
 * Removed
 * Stipulate what the Marmora sailors were doing to receive the MoH?
 * Clarified
 * "and reported as of May 17" this reads as if Marmora reported where she was patrolling, is this what you meant?
 * I've reworded this (this is sourced to a squadron list of patrol assignments; Marmora wasn't doing the reporting herself)