Talk:Ughill Hall shootings/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 14:56, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Review
Happy to take this review. Just by doing a quick overview, I can tell the article is well-written, properly uses reliable sources, and conforms to the appropriate layout. My review will consist of 2 parts. On the first one, I will go over any grammatical/spelling mistakes. On the second part, I will go over each source individually and check that the text is supported by them. Should not take me more than a few days. Please feel free to disagree with any of my suggestions. Thanks for writing this and I look forward to reviewing it. Big thanks, MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 14:56, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Part 1
Please scratch out the bullet points once you're done addressing them. Thanks! MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 18:24, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Lead paragraph

 * – I have a question about this first sentence. Is the shooting universally known as the "Ughill Hall shootings"? I'm affraid it might violate MOS:BOLDAVOID: "If the article's title does not lend itself to being used easily and naturally in the opening sentence, the wording should not be distorted in an effort to include it. Instead, simply describe the subject in normal English, avoiding redundancy." (see the Mississippi example).
 * Re-worded and unbolded.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Add "United Kingdom" after Sheffield to internationalize it for our foreign readers. Moving forward we can keep Sheffield.
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Shooting

 * – hide-and-seek
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Who is Christopher? He is mentioned as Ledez’s son in the following sentence, but he should be introduced on his first mention.
 * The lead paragraph already identified Christopher as Ledez's son.


 * – “before shooting him twice in the head. Wood then bludgeoned him with …”


 * – I’m a bit confused. Why did Wood call the police? Did he tell them he killed them, or did he just call the police to come to the house.
 * Wood was mentally unstable so speculating the reason for his calls to the police would probably not be a good idea. However, I've re-worded it a bit to clarify it as it could be read to suggest that he called several times before the bodies were discovered, whereas sources indicate he did so only once.    Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – “placed on life support after surviving without …”
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Phone calls

 * – three more that evening, or the next day? Because the following sentence says he called Tunney four more times the next day.
 * Removed unnecessary detail which contradicts the sourced detail about Tunney later.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – I would add “mental state of Wood”
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – “and threatened to suicide in one of the; he claimed he killed …”
 * Done but I think you missed a couple of words so I've inserted them in red, feel free to undo if this is in error.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Potential whereabouts

 * – spell out AA
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – does the source say which police force? My guess is that it is the National Police (France).
 * Sources just say "French police" - I'll leave it as is for now but if that can be deduced, feel free to wikilink it.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Yorkshire
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Dover
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Surrender

 * – adding a convert template for this, see Template:convert: 3 mi
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – same here
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Consulate is usually capitalized when used in this format.
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Extradition

 * – since you already used United Kingdom above, use UK here (as you did in the following sentences)
 * Amended.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – fair trial
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – is it Remand (court procedure) or Remand (detention)? Or none?
 * Remanded as in held pending trial - wikilinking the latter.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Trial

 * – When? Make sure this is the start date of the trial.
 * Initial charge hearing date added.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – link Manslaughter in English law
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – suicide pact
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – was this claim made after he pleaded guilty, or during the initial charge? If it was done when he was first charged, then I would move this part to the first mention of the 84K in the previous paragraph.
 * The sources show that the prosecution could only prove £84,000 but suspected £150,000 - this information was published before the trial.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Suicide pact claim

 * – “that if a person kills someone”
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – remove link since it should be linked in the first mention
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Mr is a contraction and is not used on Wikipedia per WP:ABBR
 * Removed.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – onus
 * Added.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – reasonable doubt
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Mr is a contraction and is not used on Wikipedia per WP:ABBR
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – “were interviewed”
 * Fixed.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – away from him (Colin)? Who is the "her" in this instance?
 * Removed extraneous wording for clarity.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Dr is a contraction and is not used on Wikipedia per WP:ABBR
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – do we know the exact date?
 * Added.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – remove link per WP:OVERLINK; this was linked in previous paragraphs
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – remove Mr


 * - remove Mr


 * – remove Mr
 * All done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Aftermath

 * – link Firearms Act


 * – link Home Office
 * Linked.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)

Part 2
General comments: I'm not able to access most sources since they are offline, so I'll have to accept good faith on this one. Question for the nominator: do you have the print versions of these sources? I don't need them for the review, but you never know when someone down the road requests them. Make sure to have them on file for future references. Also, please double check you're not leaving out the newspaper editor in each of the articles, if there was one. Now, moving on:


 * I've got copies scanned on microfilm.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:47, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Is this a reliable source? If so, please explain why and add the publisher.
 * Removed, will replace with reliable source in a moment.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:41, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – This needs publisher and ISBN, use this for your reference.
 * Done.  Dr Strauss   talk   21:47, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Needs publication date and contributors (two people)
 * Done.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:47, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Author needed. The references should also be a “cite newspaper”, not “cite web”, and The Telegraph should be under newspaper, not publisher.


 * – Needs author and newspaper
 * Updated.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:55, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * – Are these sources dead? I cannot retrieve them.


 * – Is it me or are the two sources used dead? I am not able to access them or retrieve them from Wayback Machine.
 * I think this might be a problem with the cite legislation template, I'll use cite web instead.   Dr Strauss   talk   21:47, 28 October 2017 (UTC)
 * all done, thank you for taking your time to do this!   Dr Strauss   talk   21:56, 28 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Looks good now! Ready to be promoted. Congrats! MX ( ✉  •  ✎  ) 00:05, 29 October 2017 (UTC)