Talk:Uncomfortable (song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 18:05, 2 March 2021 (UTC)

My third review for the GAN backlog of this month! --K. Peake 18:05, 2 March 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * The studio is not sourced directly anywhere in the body ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The Revolver Mag mentioned the studio name. Now mentioned & linked in the body.
 * Target pop metal to Glam metal ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove venue parameter since that is for live recordings only ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove speed metal and hard rock from the infobox, as the song is only described as having elements of those genres ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Replace hlist with bullet points per Template:Infobox song ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "by the American hard rock band" → "by American hard rock band" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Mention at the end of the above sentence that it is "from their fourth studio album, Vicious (2018)." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * You should add as the second sentence the full writing credits for the song due to the lead currently being too short, plus mention them in the body since everything here has to be written there ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "as the lead single for the band's 2018 studio album Vicious." → "as the album's lead single, through Atlantic Records." with the wikilink ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "The song was recorded at" → "It was recorded at" plus this should be the sentence after writing and before release in the new order ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The studio is not directly mentioned in the body as being Rock Falcon Studios ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove "previously worked" part since that is not notable for the lead ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ""Uncomfortable" was a response to lead vocalist Lzzy Hale's fear" → "it was a response to Hale's fear" because you will have already mentioned her full name by adding the songwriters sentence, also introduction should solely be in the body ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Follow the above with a sentence about the song's genre/elements and the lyrical meaning ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Change the critical info to saying "The song received widespread acclaim from music critics" with the target and mentioning the Grammy nomination in this sentence ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Split commercial performance into a different sentence, mentioning the US Hot Rock & Alternative Songs and Rock Airplay positions ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "received a Grammy Award nomination for Best Rock Performance." → "received a nomination for Best Rock Performance at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards." with the wikilink ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)

Background and composition

 * "The American hard rock band Halestorm released their" → "Halestorm released their"  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove commas around the album ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The source says the album was released on April 6, 2015, which is incorrect because it is written as April 10 here and on the main article ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The production for the EP is unsourced ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Wikilink lead vocalist to itself instead ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "making everybody happy."" → "making everybody happy"." per MOS:QUOTE ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "The band reunited with Raskulinecz" → "Halestorm reunited with Raskulinecz" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The studio is not mentioned as Rock Falcon like the infobox/lead calls it; try to find a source stating this ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove target on Vicious ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Jam sessions are not directly mentioned by the source ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Mention the songwriters as the last sentence of the first para, adding from the CD liner notes ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ""Uncomfortable" is a" → "Musically, "Uncomfortable" is a" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * [8] should be solely at the end of the sentence before [9]
 * I'm not sure what you mean by this.  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "Guitarist Joe Hottinger says that the main riff was written "as a joke,"" → "Hottinger said that the riff was written as "a joke"," ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "Lzzy Hale wrote the melody" → "Hale wrote the melody"
 * I would prefer to keep her full name whenever possible, because the drummer (her brother) also has the last name Hale.
 * Yeah that is acceptable, as it avoids confusion. --K. Peake 14:39, 5 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Mention the drums per 6
 * If I put this in, it would probably be in the reception section, as I'm not sure where I'd logically fit it in here  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "being that "[y]ou can't" → "being: "You can't" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "centered in a vocal riff." → "centered on a vocal riff." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)

Release and reception

 * Change the img text to mentioning something about Lzzy Hale relevant to this section as well as wikilinking her ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "released "Uncomfortable" on" → "released "Uncomfortable" as the album's lead single on" with the wikilink ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "received widespread critical acclaim," → "was met with widespread acclaim from music critics." with the target ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The descriptive words used in the opening sentence can be used as part of reviews that should be written out here, as there are not enough to back up widespread acclaim
 * I changed it to positive reception instead, since there isn't actually more than those descriptions.  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * MetalSucks should not be italicised ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Target SiriusXM to Sirius XM ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "all this summer."" → "all this summer"." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "whether the band gets" → "whether Halestorm gets" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "new music, said that" → "new music, said:" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The commercial reception para should come after the rankings one ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "20 weeks on the" → "20 weeks on the US" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "and peaking at #1" → "and peaking at number one" per MOS:NUM ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "also appeared on the" → "also appeared on the US" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "peaking at #28 and #17," → "peaking at numbers 28 and 17," ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "Internationally, "Uncomfortable" spent one week in October" → "Elsewhere, "Uncomfortable" spent one week in October 2018" but this should be after the Billboard year end position per geographical order ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "chart, at #47." → "chart, reaching number 47." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "the 2018 Billboard Year-End chart for Mainstream Rock Songs, at #15." → "the 2018 Billboard Year-End Mainstream Rock chart at number 15." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "at #2, falling just behind" → "at number two, falling only behind"  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "losing to Chris Cornell's "When Bad Does Good."" → "ultimately losing to Chris Cornell's "When Bad Does Good"." ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * The second Grammy nomination is not properly sourced since the ref says nothing about the 2013 one being their first ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "in 2013." → "at the 2013 ceremony." with the target ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

Music video

 * "who previously worked with" → "who had previously worked with bands" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Target Phantogram to Phantogram (band) ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "shows the band in grayscale," → "shows Halestorm in black and white," with the wikilink, per the source ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "On June 6, the band" → "On June 6, 2018, the band" ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * "showing some of the process behind filming "Uncomfortable." part is not properly sourced; maybe just mention it was a behind the scenes video for the visual? ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Create this section by using the album's liner notes ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Weekly charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Remove Mainstream Rock per WP:USCHARTS ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Year-end charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * US Mainstream Rock Songs → US Mainstream Rock with the wikilink; chart can stay in this sub-section because the song did not reach the other year-end ones ✅  Kncny11  (shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed, but don't feel afraid to reach out if you are stuck on anything! --K. Peake 21:51, 2 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I appreciate how you have been taking your time to ensure everything is covered; however, the writing credits are listed in the lead but not the body. --K. Peake 14:39, 5 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Everything has been addressed except for one comment where I had questions. I do think that the lead looks much more stilted and awkward now, however.  Kncny11  (shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I do see it in that manner too somewhat, but to fix this I would recommend splitting the single release sentence from the recording one (starting release one with "the song"). Also, you could move the last two sentences of the first para to opening the following one and add to the lead what was praised specifically about the song. Regarding the part about a ref being solely at the end of the sentence, that means not invoking the ref mid-sentence when it is already at the end. My last points are that you should include the song featuring drums in the comp because that is notable even though the description belongs in reception and I congratulate you for your plausible amount of progress on this! --K. Peake 20:55, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I played around with the intro again, and moved the citation. I added a sentence at the end about the guitars and drums, since most reviews seem to mention both. I guess it didn't seem notable to me, because I actually play lead guitar in a metal/post-hardcore band (with a pop punk side project, because sometimes I don't want to have to shred), and those instrumental elements seemed pretty par for the genre.  Kncny11  (shoot) 15:49, 7 March 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, but I did some brief copy editing of where there were issues with the flow of the lead and the prose itself in the body, though I wholheartedly commend your hard work on improving this article. It may have been a little later than you would usually aim for, but one week is the standard amount of time it is recommended for an article to be onhold so five days later is quite good. --K. Peake 16:30, 7 March 2021 (UTC)