Talk:Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:06, 24 July 2013 (UTC)

First comments Cutting the review short here I'm afraid. It needs a serious copyedit, perhaps the guild can help? It's a fail at this time. 17:59, 31 July 2013 (UTC)
 * Is it "avant garde" or "avant-garde"?
 * "Following Lennon's wife, Cynthia Lennon, going on holiday,..." reads very poorly to me. Needs some copyedit.
 * "Lennon and Ono's debut album is known not only for its avant garde content, but also for its cover. The album cover features Lennon and Ono " really repetitive. Lennon, Ono, album cover repeated so quickly, consider a re-word.
 * "To calm down the controversy" -> "In an attempt to avoid the controversy..."
 * "The album.... The album...." repetitive prose.
 * "Beatle John Lennon met " you don't need Beatle.
 * ", thanks to its owner, John Dunbar" would be better phrased to say that it was as a result of Lennon being asked to preview an exhibition rather than this slightly journalistic prose.
 * "The album itself begun..." no, the album didn't begin, perhaps the first stages of the creation of the album began?
 * "when Ono had mention her curiosity into Lennon's" terrible English I'm afraid.
 * "Lennon then proceeded to play her " -> "Lennon then played her...
 * " the rest of the Beatles wouldn't allow" -> "the other Beatles would not".
 * "Ono was awestruck and" sounds POV so needs quotes and attribution.
 * " the pair do their own" make their own.
 * "was an attempt for Lennon" attempt by.
 * "With Ono's Grapefruit in mind, Lennon and Ono had"... "With Ono's Grapefruit in mind, she and Lennon had"