Talk:Universe of Kingdom Hearts/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: IDV (talk · contribs) 20:20, 12 December 2016 (UTC)

I'll be back with a review soon.--IDVtalk 20:20, 12 December 2016 (UTC)

Lead
* Disney just leads back to The Walt Disney Company, which is already linked earlier in the sentence. Also unsure what is even meant by "the Disney universe" - Disney is a company, not a franchise or a work, and their films/comics are more often than not unrelated to one another. I would suggest The Kingdom Hearts video game series, developed by Square Enix in collaboration with Disney, is set in a universe consisting of numerous self-contained worlds based on intellectual properties from both companies.
 * The series centers on the character Sora's - "The character" is pretty vague. I would change it to something like on Sora, a boy who searches for his friends and encounters Disney and Final Fantasy characters in their worlds
 * through each world to lock their keyholes and prevent the Heartless from destroying them. - I have no idea what any of this means
 * where he visits memory-based simulations of many of these worlds that are generated on-the-fly as he travels through them. - same here

Concept and design

 * Link game titles when you mention them for the first time
 * Players travel from one world to another via a Gummi Ship, or in Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep, characters travel via "keyblade glider". - Remove "characters travel". Optional: simplify by changing "from one world to another" to "between worlds"
 * In 358/2 Days, Corridors of Darkness are used. In Dream Drop Distance, "Sleeping Keyholes" and "portals" are used. These two short sentences feel choppy - I think you can merge them with the "Players travel from one world to another" sentence for improved flow.
 * Worlds created specifically for the game For the series
 * Is the Tron world specifically based on the 1982 movie? Just want to check if the link is correct or if it should go to the franchise article (or to the 2010 film or the animated series)
 * The soul is the least focused on in the series, everything relates back to the heart. I think we're either missing a connecting word or a colon. Also wondering that "everything relates back to the heart" means.
 * When darkness consumes a character's heart, they become corrupted and turn into Heartless; a Nobody is created from the remaining body, which is considered to be the "empty shell" that the heart once inhabited, when the victim is of strong heart and will; the "empty shell" is what's left behind. This sentence is quite long, and I don't understand the difference between a heartless and a nobody.
 * In addition, it still appears that people can "die" like normal if not transformed into a Heartless. Disney's Hades rules over the afterlife—or, more accurately, the underworld—where the deceased of various worlds seem to end up, including Auron from Final Fantasy X. This bit seems unsure and almost like speculation. If it's just worded weirdly, fix that, and if not, perhaps we shouldn't include it at all. The "or, more accurately, the underworld" bit is unnecessary - just say the underworld in the first place.
 * where Kingdom Hearts resides - What does this mean?
 * As well as these known realms, Ansem the Wise is banished to a "realm of nothingness", which he describes as a realm "where all existence has been disintegrated". Without context I have no idea who Ansem is or why he is important. I would just say "Additionally, there is a realm of nothingness, described in-game as a realm "where all existence has been disintegrated".

Creatures

 * There are entire paragraphs that lack sourcing in this section.
 * I thought we already described the heartless and nobodies in "concept" - I would probably remove the heartless/nobody information from concept and only describe them here.
 * Why are we showing the kana spellings of these creatures while we don't do the same for any other Japanese terms/names here? Is it even helpful considering they are English terms to begin with, just written using kana?
 * While researching these Pureblood Heartless, a side effect of their research to control the mind through the heart, Xehanort and Ansem's other apprentices devise the means to create artificial "Emblem" Heartless via the corruption of living hearts. I don't know what this means or who Xehanort is
 * However, upon being defeated, a Nobody fades into a state of non-existence until its Heartless counterpart is destroyed with the captive heart released, recreating the original being they were splintered from. "However" implies that this in some way stands in contrast to the previous sentence, but this doesn't seem to be the case.
 * However, though many start off as emotionless beings, Nobodies eventually develop a heart over time and become complete beings again. Same here
 * Both are created when Sora uses Xehanort's Keyblade of heart to release his and Kairi's hearts, respectively. While many of Organization XIII's members resemble their original selves with their memories and personalities intact, Roxas resembles Ventus rather than Sora due to holding the former's heart within himself, and has none of Sora's memories. Sora is also able to reobtain human form without the need of Roxas' destruction. Naminé, in addition to lacking Kairi's memories, has the power to alter the memories of Sora and those he knows. I don't understand what this means.
 * Described by Nomura as being "those who are not well-versed in their own existences",[28] They feed on the negative emotions of others, they are Vanitas' emotions given form, and feed on the negativity of others, which allows them to assume more powerful forms. There's some repetition here. Additionally, "they" needs to be lowercase, and I have no idea who or what Vanitas is.
 * Vanitas pits these creatures against his counterpart, Ventus, as a means of strengthening him as part of Master Xehanort's plan to obtain the χ-blade. Upon defeat, the Unversed's negativity reintegrates with Vanitas, allowing him to recreate them no matter how many times they are destroyed. The Unversed cease to be after Vanitas integrates back into Ventus and is subsequently destroyed within Ventus's subconscious. I don't know what this means. What is Ventus? What is this plan?

Comments, larger issues
Okay, so I'm realizing that this article has some bigger problems that I think should be taken care of before I take another detailed look at it. Here's what's up: When/if those three are taken care of (as well as the specific issues I raised above), I'll take a second look.--IDVtalk 22:40, 12 December 2016 (UTC)
 * The article assumes that the reader knows the story and characters of Kingdom Hearts, and is at times incomprehensible for those who don't.
 * The article talks about events in the stories when it should be focusing on the nature of the world and concepts. It's fine to use examples to illustrate a concept, but you don't need to say that a character uses Universeds as part of a plan, because that is meaningless without the context of that game's story.
 * Large portions seem to be unsourced.
 * go ahead and close this review, I am very depressed by things on Wikipedia now. I am going to do your review of the Fire Emblem game and go back to being gone. Thanks for the quality review though. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 03:02, 14 December 2016 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better and you come back again sometime, because I do appreciate your work here.--IDVtalk 06:30, 14 December 2016 (UTC)