Talk:Valor por Tamaulipas/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 16:16, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

Hey Computer JA, I'll be glad to take this one. Sorry you've had to wait so long for a review on it. I hope to have initial comments up by the end of the day, but it'll be sometime in the next 1-5. Thanks in advance for your work on this! -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:16, 10 October 2013 (UTC)
 * Cool, thank you! Take as much as you need to. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 16:43, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

Initial comments
Okay, this looks good on first pass. Source checks don't show any problems with accuracy or copyvio/close paraphrasing so far. I've tinkered with the language here and there; feel free to revert any change to which you object. I've also noted some points as I went for clarity, style, neutrality, etc. below. Let me know what you think--always a pleasure to work with you! -- Khazar2 (talk) 17:57, 10 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "administrator" is probably more encyclopedically appropriate (being more formal) unless the individual specifically identifies themself as an admin. Even then we might write "admin (administrator)" for clarity
 * ✅ I changed it to administrator. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * ""... [is] spotty, sometimes unreliable, but often the only source of what [is] happening"" -- this opinion should be attributed to a speaker in-text


 * "a strategic route" -- is the word "strategic" here? I'm not sure what the difference between a strategic and nonstrategic route would be
 * ✅ I changed it to "major route". I hope this is fine. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "Since 2004, however, Tamaulipas has been a major battleground for rival drug trafficking organizations that fight for the control of the state's smuggling routes." --this seems redundant with the paragraph's first two sentences--could this sentence simply be cut?


 * "journalist and blogger María Elizabeth Macías Castro was decapitated by Los Zetas" -- though the infererence can obviously be made, the source doesn't appear to explicitly attribute this to Los Zetas; could we simply say she was decapitated?
 * ✅ Not sure how I missed that but I added a source from CPJ that attributes the attack to Los Zetas. ComputerJA (  ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "The first threat that the admin of Valor por Tamaulipas received was when" -- is this really a "threat" compared to what came later? Might just say flatly that this rival page was created without comment.
 * ✅ You're right. The creation of the page doesn't necessarily count as a threat. It's more of a "competition/direct challenge" against the page than a threat. In the Spanish source, El Universal sent a set of questions to the admin. In the third question the admin says that he considered the creation of Anti-Valor por Tamaulipas the "first credible" threat by organized crime. Should I add this information by attributing it to him? ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "It alleged since its creation that the information spread by Valor por Tamaulipas" -- two points here. First, it would be better to say "stated" than alleged, per WP:WTW. Second, "since its creation" seems a little awkward and unnecessary; I wonder if it can simply be cut.
 * ✅ and noted for next time! ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "Through an e-mail response, " -- I'm not quite sure what this means. Did he e-mail a media outlet to tell them? Which source are you looking at for that part?
 * ✅ My mistake, I thought that Proceso had sent a set of questions to VxT like other media outlets did. After re-reading the source I found out that that statement was posted on the FB page. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * I've taken out the word "users" since that doesn't seem quite right for this format. Feel free to revert if you disagree, though.
 * I like your copyedits. Everything looks fine.


 * (presumably an organized crime assassin) -- can this simply be cut? I'm not sure it's explicitly supported by that source.
 * ✅ Proceso source says that the video was allegedly uploaded by organized crime (source: En el video, subido presuntamente por el crimen organizado) This may have been a slight synthesis on my part. ComputerJA (  ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "it reported executions, risk situations, armed drug traffickers in the streets, and other drug-related activities that are commonplace in Tamaulipas's criminal underworld" -- this seems a little redundant.
 * ✅ Simplified by removing it entirely. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)


 * "the admin decided to keep the page" -- did he decide to leave the page up, or to keep maintaining it?
 * ✅ Fixed.


 * "(Organized crime's alleged response page)" It would be better to say "Response page, allegedly by organized crime"


 * The image of the logo needs a caption. ("Valor por Tamaulipas logo" or some such) -- Khazar2 (talk) 17:57, 10 October 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅ Changed to infobox b/c I couldn't find the logo description one the last one. ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for the thorough review and the previous copyedits! There's always something to learn from you every time we encounter. Let me know if any other changes are needed. Regards, ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 18:48, 11 October 2013 (UTC)
 * Will do, and thanks. My stepson's staying with us this weekend but I'll be back "on duty" Tuesday to hopefully finish this off. -- Khazar2 (talk) 13:39, 12 October 2013 (UTC)
 * Great, enjoy the weekend. My girlfriend's birthday is today, so I'll likely be off duty too till Monday. Best, ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 16:59, 12 October 2013 (UTC)

Checklist

 * Thanks for the review! ComputerJA ( ☎  •  ✎  ) 00:46, 14 October 2013 (UTC)