Talk:Vatos/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Glimmer721 (talk · contribs) 23:37, 13 February 2012 (UTC)

Will review soon. Glimmer721 talk  23:37, 13 February 2012 (UTC)

Just some comments:
 * Caption: draws → draw
 * Plot: "the two were twelve years apart" should be "the two are twelve years apart" because the age difference is still there.
 * "...and express hope that maybe Florida, where their parents live, was not hit as hard by the epidemic." What epidemic?
 * You define the "opening segment" with Andrea and Amy, but then the next paragraph says "The episode opens..." Technically it has already opened, so I would remove that and just start with "Rick Grimes..."
 * "They found only Merle's severed hand and a blood trail." If this happened in the episode, then it should be "find". If it didn't, it should probably be "had found".
 * Is there some brief discription you could possibly give to the characters? There are many names and it is not clear what their relation to the plot/setting and other characters are.
 * "...this is what they do to people." Replace "they" with "the walkers"
 * "They go to meet the men for a prisoner exchange..." Who goes? (Is the Latino man included in this?)
 * He is. They were trying to exchange him for Glenn.
 * I recommend in general combing over the plot for grammar and overall prose. I might go after it after you have.
 * The last paragraph also suffers from the "they" ambiguity.
 * "In the aftermath, Amy dies in Andrea's arms as she sobs away while everybody watches in terror." Maybe something like, "In the aftermath, Amy dies in Andrea's arms, who sobs away while everybody watches in terror." (Assuming the sentence meant Andrea was sobbing; as it was written it suggested Amy was)
 * "Principal photography for the episode transpired at the Goat Farm Arts Center in the West Midtown neighborhood of Atlanta, Georgia." This sentence seems out of place in a paragraph entirely about writing the episode; I would move it to a paragraph more centered around filming.
 * "...which was very much something that happened in the comic book series..." Like "the comic book series" to The Walking Dead (comics)
 * "7.9 out of ten": For consistancy, "Ten" should be "10"
 * The quote from Griffiths is kind of unnecessary because it pretty much reiterates what was paraphrased.
 * The last paragraph also suffers from the "they" ambiguity.
 * "In the aftermath, Amy dies in Andrea's arms as she sobs away while everybody watches in terror." Maybe something like, "In the aftermath, Amy dies in Andrea's arms, who sobs away while everybody watches in terror." (Assuming the sentence meant Andrea was sobbing; as it was written it suggested Amy was)
 * "Principal photography for the episode transpired at the Goat Farm Arts Center in the West Midtown neighborhood of Atlanta, Georgia." This sentence seems out of place in a paragraph entirely about writing the episode; I would move it to a paragraph more centered around filming.
 * "...which was very much something that happened in the comic book series..." Like "the comic book series" to The Walking Dead (comics)
 * "7.9 out of ten": For consistancy, "Ten" should be "10"
 * The quote from Griffiths is kind of unnecessary because it pretty much reiterates what was paraphrased.
 * "...which was very much something that happened in the comic book series..." Like "the comic book series" to The Walking Dead (comics)
 * "7.9 out of ten": For consistancy, "Ten" should be "10"
 * The quote from Griffiths is kind of unnecessary because it pretty much reiterates what was paraphrased.
 * The quote from Griffiths is kind of unnecessary because it pretty much reiterates what was paraphrased.
 * The quote from Griffiths is kind of unnecessary because it pretty much reiterates what was paraphrased.

That's it; I will place this on hold for 7 days while issues are addressed. Glimmer721 talk  23:59, 14 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Should be good to go. :) —DAP388 (talk) 19:33, 18 February 2012‎ (UTC)