Talk:Vern Bickford/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Go Phightins! (talk · contribs) 02:49, 27 March 2014 (UTC)

I can review this article.  Go  Phightins  !  02:49, 27 March 2014 (UTC)


 * My only big concern after an initial read through is the lack of information on his life outside of baseball. This source might help with that. Note for posterity: Secret and I discussed this GA review in a non-substantive manner via IRC, but please note no canvassing, nor other items of substance transpired. All substantive portions of the review will take place here.  Go  Phightins  !  03:06, 27 March 2014 (UTC)


 * Miscellaneous notes
 * Lead
 * This sentence seems a little ... strange. First off, link National League like you did American League, and I think it needs a comma after National League.
 * Fixed Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * Obviously, we need a little more on his early life in the lead, but that cannot happen until more about his early life is added.
 * I think this would fit better if it were presented chronologically with the remainder of the pro career stuff in the lead.
 * I don't necessarily agree.. the last paragraph on the lead should be what the player is best known for.
 * Early life
 * Expound, if possible, on the WWII thing, and where that occurred chronologically (after he played semi-pro, before ... if it was before he played semi-pro, the semi-pro tidbit belongs in the minor league career section.
 * Only information is SABR which I'm redundant to use because of it's sometime unreliable bios, I used a direct quote from there however. If I plan to extend this to FA I might research it further but this is all the information I got. Also semi-pro is not minor leagues. Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)

Overall, this is a pretty good article, but its scope needs to be broadened. I am going to put it on hold. By the way, reference number 10 needs an author, and date format needs to be consistent (as this is an American topic, should be standardized to mdy).  Go  Phightins  !  00:50, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * Minor league career
 * We can use a direct quote, if necessary, but "allegedly" seems to me to be a violation of WP:WTW.
 * I used the word allegedly as the sources conflict, I think it's a given fact about the flip of the coin but I can remove it if needed. Secret account
 * Um ... how did he get to the Brewers? We were discussing the Pirates and the Braves, and all of a sudden jumped to the Brewers with an ambiguous "instead".
 * Fixed Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * Major League career
 * Link "control", even if just to the glossary of terms entry.
 * Of which team is he a member in the first paragraph? The last team mentioned was the Milwaukee Brewers ...
 * Already mentioned Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * With those two stats, he likely finished well in innings pitched as well? If there is a good stat, it might be worth adding; if not, don't worry about it.
 * I don't want to cluster the article with stats. Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * (emphasis mine) When you say "productive", does that mean in terms of innings pitched, ERA, general performance, or what? That seems to be a rather ambiguous term.
 * Yes Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * unless there's a compelling reason not to.
 * Ditch "only"
 * Fixed the three above concerns Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * Personal life
 * We need a direct quote or something ... "odd" seems like an arbitrary term - who says it was odd? All those jobs are typical working class middle class "Heart of America" jobs.
 * This is not chronological, and it bothers me a little. To describe a narrative, we don't want to start with the end state ... I think you ought to flipflop the sentences.
 * Can we cite the cemetery?
 * Done all Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)
 * Done all Secret account 01:45, 29 March 2014 (UTC)