Talk:Victor Maghakian/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Vacant0 (talk · contribs) 23:39, 2 January 2022 (UTC)

Hi! I saw this article on the GAN backlog. I will start the review tomorrow. Cheers, --Vacant0 (talk) 23:39, 2 January 2022 (UTC)

General
's per MOS:NOBR. (eg. Sino-Japanese War
 * A hyphen should be added between "Armenian American" in the lede.
 * An optional addition of and  would be good.
 * Implement the template instead of

World War II: )
 * Other work can be shortened to just Hotel executive · security consultant.
 * Lede should be re-written, according to MOS:LEADLENGTH it should at least have two paragraphs, three is max.
 * → Captain Victor "Transport" Maghakian (Վիգդոր Մաղաքեան; December 30, 1915 – August 17, 1977) was an Armenian-American...


 * "It is noted that his great-grandfather killed 112 enemy Turks in his lifetime." – this can be removed, such details aren't needed for this article.
 * Comma missing between 1939 and Maghakian in the beginning of the "In 1939 Maghakian returned to Fresno where he became a Fresno County deputy sheriff and was assigned to safeguard power installations and dams of the California Edison Company near the Sierra Nevada." sentence.
 * I would prefer the first paragraph in the "Life" section to stay and to rename the section to "Early life". The second paragraph should be moved into a new section called "Military career" which will also incorporate the "World War II" section. I would prefer the section to only include "Early career" and "World War II" subsections, without the battles sub-headings.
 * The third paragraph and death should be moved to a new section called "Late life and death" which will be located above the "Legacy" section which will include his sisters' sentence from 2008.
 * End quote is placed on the wrong side of the point – ""It was an easy job, like shooting fish in a barrel. I simply fired 30 rounds with my carbine and threw a grenade, and that was all. Not very interesting.""
 * The Awards section can be turned into a similar-looking one like on Robert L. Eichelberger's article. Citations text can be removed.
 * Also something that I forgot, blank and unused parameters from the infobox should be removed.
 * The copyvio detector looks interesting, although the website itself says that it uses material from Wikipedia. I'll ignore that one, it seems like it's one of those "Wikipedia copy-paste" websites.
 * Dropped down to 9%, good.

Images

 * All alright.