Talk:Vilma Núñez/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Mujinga (talk · contribs) 16:50, 14 October 2021 (UTC)

Initial comments
I'll hope to get to this in the next days, as previously agreed with the nom we will be taking it slowly to accommodate our various IRL commitments Mujinga (talk) 16:50, 14 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Hi congrats on an interesting article! I've made a first sweep in a few sessions today, see what you think. No pressure on time, just let me know how it's going every so often if that's alright. Cheers, Mujinga (talk) 18:36, 16 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Excellent, thank you! I will begin by looking for some more sources to fill in some of the questions you mention, and will ping when I’ve made some update-worthy progress! Thank you so much for this careful reading. Innisfree987 (talk) 19:12, 16 October 2021 (UTC)

Pix

 * All good

Infobox

 * ✅ Working well, could add her full name

Lead

 * Will come to this last
 * Per MOS:LEAD this could summarise the article better - there's not much about her early life, torture is mentioned here but not really in text, it's ot clear Sandinista National Liberation Front = FSLN, the CENIDH summary stops before recent problems and so on. Article is almost 11,000 characters so 1-2 paragraphs is recommended, i think you could go to two.

Early life

 * ✅ "at the mercy of the trustee" - mercy sounds a bit unencyclopaedic maybe can be changed, also who was the trustee?
 * "eventually moved to Managua to find a good secondary school that would accept Núñez" - i'm guessing you mean her mum moved?
 * ✅ "student massacre" - maybe a sentence explaining what this was
 * ✅ this section is almost entirely sourced to one source, so would be great if another source could be added
 * ✅ "Núñez is a survivor of the student massacre of 23 July 1959.[1]

✅ In 1963, Núñez married Otto Escorcia, a dentist, thereafter going by Vilma Núñez de Escorcia.[1]" not so keen on these two one word paragraphs - since the personal life section is only one sentence I'd suggest combining it with the marriage sentence here.
 * more comments to come, and i'll ping then Mujinga (talk) 10:36, 16 October 2021 (UTC)

Early career and FSLN

 * "After graduating" - a year would be helpful here
 * ✅ "Somozas government" - Somaza not Samozas?
 * ✅"became as vice-president" - became a?
 * ✅ "building international solidarity against the United States’ embargo then in place and working with groups that sent supplies and made work trips to aid Nicaragua" - this doesn't flow very well, needs a rewrite i would suggest
 * ✅ "attacks the Contras" - attacks by?
 * ✅ " individual women militants" - female for women?
 * ✅ "she found a theoretical commitment to gender equality, with formally documented obligations to equal political participation" - bit stodgy, could use a rewrite

Founding CENIDH

 * " give a speech" - at what conference?
 * ✅"one of her own former torturers" - wait when was she tortured?
 * ✅ "CENIDH were" - CENIDH was
 * ✅ " their work" - its work
 * ✅ " they also " - it also
 * ✅ "had re-armed" - to what end? presumably against the government but worth spelling out

Break with the FSLN

 * ✅ "(largely" - (which was largely
 * ✅ "The final straw" - sounds a bit journalistic?
 * ✅"despite the arrival of Rosario Murillo attempting to insist Núñez refuse the case" - could be: despite Rosario Murillo insisting the case was dropped
 * ✅ "In 2001" - In 2001,
 * ✅ "YAMATA" - YATAMA - sounds like an awesome group btw
 * ✅ "Threats against Núñez mounted and in 2008 and renewed annually since" - suggest "Threats against Núñez mounted;"

Suspension of CENIDH's legal status

 * ✅ " joining the opposition to authoritarian repression" - suggest "protested against the repression"
 * "While it was now more difficult" - bit confused here, so CENIDH is now operating illegally?
 * ✅ "property and assets as well as threatens their legal status if the government judges that they're intervening in internal politics" - suggest "property and assets, as well as threaten their legal status"
 * ✅ "She says:" - suggest "she said in"
 * {done}} does the quote need to be blockquoted?

Personal life

 * ✅ expand or move in to early life?


 * will be back with more comments "soon" then I'll ping Mujinga (talk) 13:12, 16 October 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * will return last but agree about now two paragraphs!

Early life

 * I’m not sure who the trustee was; does new phrasing eliminate need to name the person?
 * yeah that works! Mujinga (talk) 10:23, 26 October 2021 (UTC)


 * also unsure if she moved alone for high school or with mother; will continue to try to verify (but historically it wouldn’t be totally unusually for her to go by herself); ETA, ok this one is a failure of my Spanish because in the source, the antecedent is unclear to me in a way I’m sure it would not be to a native speaker: “Vilma Núñez comprendió la causa por la que su madre no la llevó a la escuela desde pequeña hasta que terminó la primaria y se trasladó a Managua en busca de un buen colegio de secundaria.” Unless by chance you’re a Spanish speaker, I can see if I can ask another editor for a favor to translate.
 * i don't speak spanish, wish i did! that's ok though, i think it just needs rephrasing to remove the ambiguity Mujinga (talk) 10:23, 26 October 2021 (UTC)


 * after expanding on the student massacre, the marriage portion didn’t flow so I moved it to the bottom
 * makes sense Mujinga (talk) 10:23, 26 October 2021 (UTC)

Early career and FSLN

 * I definitely agree a graduation year would be help but unfortunately I have not found that Nicaraguan profiles tend to include that info. Still looking tho especially because law is an undergraduate degree in Nica yet she is referred to in press as Doctora Vilma Núñez, meaning she either earned or perhaps was awarded an honorary terminal degree. Working on tracking this down. Have added I think seven or eight new sources and nobody mentions a graduation year or a post-grad degree! I think in all the Nicaraguan bios I have written, I have only ever found these student details from a US source on a person, which I have not found for her.
 * thanks for checking! Mujinga (talk) 10:23, 26 October 2021 (UTC)

Founding CENIDH

 * still looking for which conference; have read quite a few sources recounting this history and none name the conference so it seems not to be significant, at least in the eyes of the sources
 * her torture is now established but this source actually says she defended a Contra torturer. I am still looking to connect these dots as to whether that was a separate incident or if it means her Somoza torturer became a Contra later It was the Somoza torturers, per p. 10 of the Global Feminisms interview.

Break with the FSLN

 * "Threats against Núñez mounted and in 2008 and renewed annually since" - is it clearer now as two sentences?
 * yup! Mujinga (talk) 10:24, 26 October 2021 (UTC)

Suspension of CENIDH's legal status

 * Still trying to pin down the exact status/what the revocation meant as she continues to be a highly public figure, and uses the CENIDH banner Turns out this was a problem of my phrasing not the sourcing! So it’s clear yes, she has continued her work undeterred by the revoked legal status. The bigger issue is refusing to register as a foreign agent but litigation is pending. I tried to tweak to clarify, let me know if it’s clearer!

Honors

 * new section

Personal life

 * consolidated with marriage

Will continue and then ping once a couple of sections are complete. Innisfree987 (talk) 22:29, 17 October 2021 (UTC)


 * @Mujinga, small ping on progress. I’ve made my way through most of the initial comments on “Early life”, “Break with FSLN” and “Personal life”, and begun an “Honors” section. Just wanted to confirm progress is being made! Plenty more to work on and I’ll continue filling out this update list and ping back when I’ve exhausted the to-dos! Thanks so much, I’m very encouraged by the improvements to the entry already thanks to your thoughtful feedback. Innisfree987 (talk) 04:28, 18 October 2021 (UTC)


 * nice one, i'll wait to hear from you again in the next days, good luck with it! btw great to have another section for honors. Mujinga (talk) 12:45, 18 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Hello @Mujinga! So sorry to keep you waiting so long—the additional research to get good answers (or exhausting sources if not) was more involved than expected. I have gone through all your notes and the items I think you may want to check over are listed above. Thanks so much for your time. I look forward to crossing last t’s and dotting last i’s! Innisfree987 (talk) 19:35, 25 October 2021 (UTC)
 * no worries i could see edits were happening! great, i'll take a look now Mujinga (talk) 10:17, 26 October 2021 (UTC)
 * nice one on the updates and expansion @Innisfree987 the article is getting there now. i've left some fresh comments below, see what you think, again no rush on that Mujinga (talk) 10:47, 26 October 2021 (UTC)
 * @Mujinga, this is fabulous, can’t thank you enough for all the effort and attention you’ve put into improving the entry! I’ll dive into the remaining points shortly. Innisfree987 (talk) 17:20, 26 October 2021 (UTC)
 * @Mujinga, well very pleased to report, I think I have addressed all the points you mention! But do let me know if anything remains unclear, or if other last issues jump out at you. I think we are very nearly there though! Hoorah! Innisfree987 (talk) 19:44, 27 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Great, thanks for letting me know, i'll take another look over the weekend Mujinga (talk) 11:57, 29 October 2021 (UTC)
 * @Innisfree987, congrats this is now a good article, it was fun working with you again! In the interests of getting this done in October I've made a few small edits, feel free to revert them if you don't like them. I think the article reads well overall now, nice one. What an inspiring life Vilma Núñez has led, it was interesting to read about. Mujinga (talk) 11:05, 31 October 2021 (UTC)
 * @Mujinga thank you so much for the final copy edit and for all your work on this! It’s been a pleasure to collaborate again; thanks so much for finding the time! I hope things are well offline and look forward to working together again soon! Innisfree987 (talk) 16:45, 31 October 2021 (UTC)

Second round of comments

 * everyhting above looking good, i just had one request to rephrase
 * ✅You've got some dates as mdy, some as dmy (July 19, 1979 / 25 November 1938) so that needs to be consistent
 * ✅". A new challenge to that work came in 2020 Law for the Regulation of Foreign Agents, ordering all groups that receive funding from abroad to register as foreign agents. Núñez is challenging its constitutionality in court." suggest something like". A new challenge came with the 2020 Law for the Regulation of Foreign Agents, which ordered all groups that receive funding from abroad to register as foreign agents; Núñez is challenging its constitutionality in court."
 * ✅ "conservative country" means conservative countryside or the conservative country of Nicaragua?
 * ✅ Liberal could be linked to Nationalist Liberal Party
 * ✅"Sergio Ramírez, later vice-president of Nicaragua, was also a student survivor of the day, considered a turning point in the political consciousness of the "Generation of 1959" or the "Generation of July 23"[6][5] and later commemorated as the national Day of the Nicaraguan Student.[7]" suggest "Sergio Ramírez, later vice-president of Nicaragua, was also a student survivor of the day. It was considered a turning point in the political consciousness of the "Generation of 1959" or the "Generation of July 23"[6][5] and later commemorated as the national Day of the Nicaraguan Student.[7]"
 * ✅ "United States'" dont think you need the apostrophe
 * ✅ "This built upon work" suggest "The project built upon work" since the previous sentence also begins with "this"
 * ✅ " Her relationship became strained when she ran against Daniel Ortega" somewhere round here you need to mention he became president
 * ✅"Núñez and CENIDH also joined María Luisa Acosta" not sure what joined means here
 * ✅"they're intervening in internal politics" - "they are.."
 * ✅ and I'm not going to register." - full stop shoudl be outside quote
 * ✅ “Ambassador for peace in public life” needs straight quotes - sorry this is getting really nitpicky here!
 * personal life section working better for me now!