Talk:Volcanic and igneous plumbing systems

First Sentence
This is not my area of expertise, but I'm wondering how people feel about the phrasing of the intro: "consist of interconnected magma channels and chambers which are responsible for the production, storage and transportation of magma" For me this reads as though these are systems deliberately designed to perform a planned function, rather than naturally occurring phenomenon. Particularly "responsible" and "production, storage and transportation" make it sound like they were hired to do a job in an industrial enterprise. Certainly the channels and chambers don't feel a sense of responsibility to move magma to an intended destination. --Bridgecross (talk) 14:34, 1 April 2023 (UTC)

Comments from Candy
Hi Rachel,

The overall organization is good, there are some comments that may help,

1. Better add references and footnotes after each point for example in the introduction.

2. More diagrams can be presented to make the general public understand the point, for example, an evolutionary diagram showing the process from ‘Magma Production’ to ‘Magma segregation and extraction'.

3. Can explain more in partial melting part, for example, can elaborate more on the mechanism of partial melting.

4. Can explain more on what ‘magma ascent’ is to make it more understandable to the general public.

Add oil for the wiki page :)

comments from lawrence
Hi rachel

1. the content has not yet finsihed.

2. the figures are not annotated well.

comments from triton
hi Rachael,

Organization: the flow is natural and reasonable Introduction: the sentences can be shortened: they are a bit clumsy; can explain more on the major features (what how why), and why they are important Language: no serious grammatical errors; the sentence structures below the introduction is better; very minor mistakes of spacing (lack/redundant) Illustration/visual: can talk more on partial melting (sources like hydration, mantle plume etc.), differentiation, and how each factor affects the magmatic properties; decent drawing, but could be more detailed (e.g. how minerals melt under compaction, what the difference between the pink and red magma in the magma ascent diagram); I think it is better to illustrate each feature of dykes (shape, length etc) one by one to enrich the content Science: the essential knowledge is present, but in my opinion, it is better to make some comparison and explain/suggest/compare why/how different conditions led to different structures Reference: can be more, it is better to have at least one citation per paragraph.--Triton Chiu63 (talk) 06:05, 13 October 2021 (UTC)

Comment from Graeme
Hi Rachelhunggg Having an image at the top right of your article would be good. Perhaps the channelled ascent part of File:Magma ascent mechanism.png would look good and be clear to see. For this picture the thumbnail comes out too small to read the text. SO splitting into two images might be good. Also I am encouraging people to use .svg format, as that allows text to be easily and losslessly changed, say into different languages or to change aspect ratio, or colours. Also can you please add references to every single paragraph so it is clear where the information comes from. Then when they are edited later, the references won't be lost from the text. Also that will help it pass the WP:DYK process. Being volcanic, I am sure that there would be something spectacular and exciting to say on your topic. Perhaps you could have a bit about the plumbing for a super volcano. I am looking for an exciting one sentence hook for each page. Also I see that your page is still a work in progress. One idea is to put in the references that you have found for your dummy sections as a next step. Your page would rate a C if it was published. But it is quite tough to get a B, and impossible to get A class rating for Wikipedia! Any way I encourage you to keep on with your topic! Graeme Bartlett (talk) 06:43, 13 October 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Yuki
Hi Racheal I think your page is quite comprehensive and easy to understand.

In terms of organization, I think it is a bit confusing because the page doesn't specify which parts are about the formation process of the VIPS and which parts are about the classification, but I think it's still easy to read through.

For the introduction, I think it's effective in summarizing the whole page but I think some of the terms could be explained further. For example, if I want to know what "conduits" is, the page that the link brought me was "Mantle Plume" and it didn't give me a direct answer.

For the language, I don't see many mistakes.

For the illustrations, I think most of them communicate the concepts pretty well though I think you can add more annotations to the diagrams and pictures. For example, you can indicate where the dykes and sills are in the photos. And for the diagram for Lopolith, I found it a bit hard to understand. Maybe adding more annotations or turning it into an evolutionary diagram would help. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Wongtszyanyuki (talk • contribs) 03:58, 14 November 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Keith
Hi Rachel, your page explains clearly on the concept, and easy to understand, the diagrams are quite nice but you may add more annotations on them, for example, the 'Microscopic view of melt segregation and extraction.', you may annotate the grain boundary etc. I think you may explain more on the partial melting part for people who do not know about it before, for example why partial melting occurs, and give example of products of partial melting etc. There are also some minor grammatical mistakes. For example, 'On the other hand, mantle diapir forms in the mantle, and eventually ascents across the MOHO or underplate(s) the lower crust to provide heat for partial melting.' The page is well-referenced. You may also tell more about why this topic is important and give more examples of the processes. — Preceding unsigned comment added by TseKiChun (talk • contribs) 09:23, 14 November 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Jasmine
Hey Rachel!

Well structured! I like how you include your visuals in all the sections. But they can be more informative if more explanation can be added to illustrate. Because I took sometime to understand the laccolith formation diagram. I think it might be better if you could annotate a bit more: perhaps show where the shearing is and add some arrows to indicate internal movements. It's a great page in general! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jasminesongy (talk • contribs) 16:47, 15 November 2021 (UTC)

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