Talk:Wario/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  16:50, 11 August 2011 (UTC) On hold.

Review comments

 * Lead
 * "Wario (ワリオ) is a fictional character in Nintendo's Mario series. Designed by Hiroji Kiyotake, he is voiced by Charles Martinet, who also voices many other characters in the series." – That should only need one sentence.
 * "W in his name being" – Don't use noun+ing on Wikipedia. It's discouraged.
 * "Since the time he first appeared" → "Since his debut"


 * Concept and creation
 * "he was not to receive his true debut until 1992" – This is confusing. I don't know if you're talking about the other character or are you talking about Mario. You have to re-word that.
 * "where he was designed by Hiroji Kiyotake" – Who is Kiyotake? A game designer? Be specific.
 * "for designing Samus Aran, another popular Nintendo character." – What series is Aran from?
 * Link Super Mario Land
 * "The name "Wario"" – In such cases, don't quote Wario, italicize instead. Then, to avoid confusion, you may use quotes.
 * Again, you have to introduce Charles Martinet, like Kiyotake.
 * "for Wario around 1993" Around 1993? If it was that year exactly, just say "in"; don't be vague.
 * "which could either be good or evil." I don't understand this part. Are you saying you can interpret him as both?
 * "think of anyone better" Re-word this to make it sound more neutral.
 * Being stupid is a habit? Do you mean acting stupid at certain times, or are you trying to say something else (like his reputation)?
 * Update: "particularly for frequently acting stupidly" That is really annoyign to read, there are three "-ly"s.


 * Wario Land series
 * The majority of the games you talk about here don't specify when they were released.
 * "Wario makes his first appearance" – You have to be consistent with the verb tense. You used past tense in the lead and Concept and creation sections when you spoke about his debut, but now you are using present tense.
 * "first appearance as a villain" → "villainous debut"
 * "Japan-only Mario & Wario" → "Japan-only puzzle title Mario & Wario"
 * "Captain Syrup and her Brown Sugar Pirates." – Can you just briefly describe these characters in that sentence?
 * "plays similarly, titled Virtual Boy Wario Land. It incorporates the ability" → "plays similarly, titled Virtual Boy Wario Land, incorporating the ability"
 * "with the character Captain Syrup" → "in which Captain Syrup" – No need to introduce him as I ask you to do that earlier on and using "with" to join ideas is not a good practice.
 * "The most recent release" – As of when?
 * "It used a hand-drawn animation style, which required the artists to design many frames of animation for the characters" – Use present tense.
 * "including more than 2,000 for Wario alone." → "including more than 2,000 frames required to design, for Wario alone."
 * Update: "with Wario's design alone requiring" Noun+ing. Also, using "with" to connect ideas is discouraged.


 * WarioWare series
 * "In 2003, the franchise" → "In 2003, the Wario franchise"
 * "which featured the same microgames" → "featuring the same microgames"
 * The sentence has no source.
 * "involved Wario becoming" – Again, avoid noun+ing.
 * "A sequel called WarioWare: Twisted! was released" – Put in some commas.
 * "a tilt sensor that allowed" – Present tense.
 * "A Nintendo DS sequel was later released titled WarioWare: Touched!" → "A Nintendo DS sequel, titled WarioWare: Touched!, was later released"
 * "A Wii game was released titled WarioWare: Smooth Moves" – Again, move the "titled WarioWare: Smooth Moves" after "game".
 * "which used the" – Present tense


 * Other appearences
 * Avoid beginning multiple consecutive sentences with the same word. You do that with "He".
 * "In Wario's Woods, Wario appears as the main antagonist who wanted to take over the woods." – When was it released? Please use present tense for fiction.
 * "However he was soon defeated and chased out of the area by Toad." MOS:FICTION. First of all, this is being told in the wrong grammar tense. Second, it's being told in an in-universe perspective and should be told from the real-world perspective.
 * "also featured in the video game" – What year?
 * "Japanese original including" – Noun+ing.
 * "appeared in almost every Mario sports game" – Vague sentence. How many out of how many games has he appeared in.
 * "appeared in most installments" – Same here.
 * "of the Mario Party series.[9][18][19][20]" WP:CITEKILL. Combine the last three refs into one footnote. You know how to do that right?
 * "including a story of Wario's past and his relationship with Mario, explaining Wario's rivalry with Mario." → "including a story of Wario's past and his rivalry with Mario."


 * Promotion and reception
 * Expand the first and extremely short paragraph. Paragraphs should not have only one sentence.
 * "Since his appearance in Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3, his first starring role, Wario has become a well-established mascot for Nintendo." – Cut as specified. You already said this in a previous section.
 * "Nintendo Power listed Wario" – Nintendo Power should be written in italics. Describe what it is too; a magazine?
 * If the word "wierdos" is taken from the magazine article, it should be quoted. Otherwise, don't use the word in an encyclopedic context.
 * There's an accent in "doppelgänger".
 * "and his farts" – "Farts" is an informal word and not appropriate for encyclopedic text unless it is from a quote. Use the proper term, if needed.
 * "However, they state that they cannot help but like him. They also listed him as having one of the best mustaches."– Combine the two sentences.
 * Best mustaches from the series or in general?
 * "as opposed to Waluigi, who has received mostly negative reception." Explain the relevance of this addition or remove it.
 * "Wario ranked 10th" → "Wario ranked tenth"
 * "IGN ranked Wario 31st in its list of the "Top 100 Videogame Villains"." Also, put a quote after "list".
 * "top 10 ugliest game characters" – Should this be capitalized/quoted? If not, then "top 10 ugliest game characters list" → "list of the ten ugliest game characters".
 * "he is actually a "cool dude""
 * ""A Parent's Guide to Nintendo Games: A Comprehensive Look at the Systems and the Games"" – Books are italicized, not quoted.
 * ""Icons of Horror and the Supernatural: An Encyclopedia of Our Worst Nightmares, Volume 1"" – Same here.


 * References
 * Ref [2]: Link IGN.
 * Ref [3]: Redirects to Wario Land: Shake It!
 * There are a few issues with this one. First of all, the title isn't "History of Wario". Second, how is the link relevant and how do you get the info from it?
 * Ref [4]: The publisher is IGN. Do not link.
 * Ref [10], [11], [13]–[17]: Wrong date format.
 * Ref [13]–[16], [20]: Unlink GameSpot.
 * Ref [19]: Link AceGamez
 * Ref [26]–[27]: "Toyrc.com" → "ToyRC.com"
 * Ref [28]: The publisher is IGN. Do not link.
 * Ref [32]: Unlink GameDaily
 * Ref [34]: The publisher is IGN. Do not link.
 * Ref [35]–[36]: Page number?
 * Many problematic links. Checklinks.


 * Another user fixed almost everything except the references. I'll run a checklinks and try and fix the references. --Nathan2055talk-review 19:30, 24 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll go talk to that user about some of the errors s/he hasn't addressed yet. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  20:37, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

I cleaned up most of the prose issues listed above... what is left? And pointing out every sports game Wario appears is necessary? (it can get either crufty or hard to reference!) igordebraga ≠ 03:19, 25 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I am talking about the number of games, not actually listing the titles. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  14:08, 25 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Well, the checklinks brings back five dead links. Worse, there is no Wayback Machine backup for any of those links. I think we will have to remove them. --Nathan2055talk-review 20:25, 25 August 2011 (UTC)
 * ...and remove the information from the article that cites those links. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  21:15, 25 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Removed the dead GameDaily articles, added another in its place. igordebraga ≠ 03:02, 27 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Checklinks reveals five and nine are also dead. Both link to Kombo.com. --Nathan2055talk-review 03:05, 27 August 2011 (UTC)
 * You guys have to find archives or replacements or else the info will have to be removed. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  03:15, 27 August 2011 (UTC)
 * The Kombo "History of Wario" articles can be found at |PoisonMushroom.Org's "Features" page. — 13:50, 24 December 2011 (UTC)  — Preceding unsigned comment added by 173.35.209.129 (talk)
 * One was already archived, fixed the other one. igordebraga ≠ 13:50, 27 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Alright, I'll go through everything to make sure this article is ready for GA. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  13:51, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

I fixed a few of the minor grammatical errors that weren't addressed. Just hoping the article gets GA! Sephiroth 878 | Talk 20:01, 3 September 2011 (UTC)
 * I removed the final challenged content in "Promotion and reception". I think it's ready for a final review. --Nathan2055talk-review 23:47, 3 September 2011 (UTC)
 * did you run checklinks by chance? Sephiroth 878 | Talk 00:42, 4 September 2011 (UTC)


 * support Btw of the removal of that very short paragraph :D Sephiroth 878 | Talk 00:45, 4 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Promoted. All issues have been fixed. Better late then never, but then again, I can't wait for the article to become FA and for Wikipedia to get the donation that was promised. Good work guys (gender-neutral). — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  02:41, 4 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks everyone for your help and support! Let's get FA on this one, Wikimedia could use another fifty bucks! --Nathan2055talk-review 02:59, 4 September 2011 (UTC)