Talk:Warren Antoine Cartier/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 18:54, 30 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments - sorry it's taken a while to get to this, have been otherwise engaged...
 * Could link Michigan in the lead.


 * "businessman famous for helping to develop the beginnings of" could this be "businessman who helped establish"?


 * "Civil Engineer" Civil engineer.


 * I don't think that "title" entry in the infobox is to be used for his various occupational titles.


 * "Cartier is the third family" was, surely?? And feel to repeat his first name(s) on the first mention here.

member" mean? Third child?  First child after the two parents?
 * "is the third family member of Antoine E. Cartier and his wife Eliza Ann of a family of nine." repetitive use of family and what does "third


 * Use the same pipe link for Antoine throughout.


 * "Michigan when" comma after Michigan.


 * "public schools" link as the meaning is different in the UK.


 * "a Varennes business college near" that's an Easter egg link, take "business college" out of it.


 * "at University of Notre Dame in 1884" which was where?


 * "with a Civil Engineering degree" no need for the capitals. Could link.


 * "from Indiana's University of Notre Dame" should have said that first time round!


 * "He then got involved in" bit lacking in encyclopedic tone.


 * "lumbering businesse where" missing an "s"?


 * "where he was promoted to positions" gradually promoted, rather than all in one step I guess?


 * "Ludington State Bank" caption is not useful, perhaps say "Cartier founded Ludington State Bank." or similar?


 * "Bank of Fountain, Mason county" capital County?


 * "Company - president" en-dash.


 * "The city of Ludington embraced the newlyweds in a grand manner showering them" not encyclopedic in tone.


 * "the Republican party," link?


 * "Michigan's 26th Congressional District " any kind of link?


 * "Republican presidential elector" likewise?


 * "city recorder" thrice?


 * "an expansion program" what's one of those?


 * "varsity sports" and those?


 * "asking if he would lhelp." -> "requesting his help."


 * "10 acres (40,000 m2) site" add  to the convert template.


 * "field andgrandstand" space.

or something.
 * "Because of his generosity the field was named the Cartier Field" maybe just merge and say " and it was named Cartier Field in his honor."


 * " Benevolent & Protective " and, not &.


 * "trustees). [1] " no space before ref.


 * " (B.P.O.E.)" what is that?


 * "Ludington # 736" and that?


 * "married. The home was one " married which was one...


 * "It is currently a" see WP:CURRENTLY.


 * "the Cartiers' home was at" -> "the Cartiers lived in"


 * A lot on Edison which is only tangential to Cartier, suggest trimming that down.


 * "died at 68 in" maybe "died age 68 in" (or in Brit Eng: "died aged 68 in").


 * "kidney failure. He had a kidney ailment" bit repetitive.


 * "Ludington, Michigan next" not sure we need to repeat that Ludington is in Michigan.


 * Nor the name of his (only) wife.


 * What does the watch company in see also have to do with Cartier?


 * Ref 8 incompletely formatted, needs access date/publication date as a minimum.


 * Ref 9, shouldn't p. y be p. 7?


 * Check all newspapers.com sources are listed as newspapers.com, e.g. refs 13, 14 and 15 don't mention it.


 * That's all I have. Apologies again for the delay.  The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 20:10, 8 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for review. I'll get started on it tomorrow after a night's sleep.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:56, 8 October 2021 (UTC)
 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:19, 9 October 2021 (UTC)