Talk:When I Was Older/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Starting on this today --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox looks good
 * "by American singer Billie Eilish." → "by American singer Billie Eilish from the soundtrack album Music Inspired by the Film Roma (2018)."
 * Use the second sentence for song release date instead, writing "The song was released as a single by Sony Masterworks on January 9, 2019."
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "the latter handled the production" → "the latter handled production"
 * Don't see any referencing of heartbreak in the body so this is WP:OR right now
 * Mention the critical reception in a new second sentence of the second para; start this sentence with the title of the song before mentioning the reviews
 * Also, give mention of what was praised/commented on if possible
 * Swap the order of the live performances and chart position sentences around
 * "The song was performed live" → "It was performed live"
 * "Eilish's 2019 When We All Fall Asleep Tour and her Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2020" → "Eilish's When We All Fall Asleep Tour and Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2019 and 2020, respectively"
 * "number 11 on the" → "number 11 on the US"
 * Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 17:30, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Background and release

 * "The songs title was inspired" → "She stated that the song's title was inspired"
 * "“When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm.”" → ""When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm."" since the speech marks are formatted incorrectly right now; the punctuation can stay within quotes here because it is a full sentence
 * "Eilish revealed that the 2018 movie" → "Eilish revealed the 2018 movie"
 * [3][1][4] put in numerical order
 * Release date is incorrect in the single sentence and mention that it was for digital download and streaming in various countries
 * ❌ As you have not mentioned it being in various countries and why are the labels different here from in the infobox? --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "added to the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut album" → "included on the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut studio album"
 * "her brother, Finneas O'Connell, who also" → "her brother Finneas O'Connell, and he also"

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 17:40, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Composition and lyrical interpretation
user: Kyle Peake: Where do I add this? DarklyShadows (talk) 17:56, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Target beats per minute to Tempo
 * ""When I Was Older" has been described" → "It has been described"
 * "says the song starts with" → "said the song starts with"
 * Add release years of the tracks in brackets
 * directly after the title of the Lil Uzi Vert track mentioned, put its release year in brackets and do the same directly after the other track; keep this outside of the speech marks for title, of course. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "in a statement "When" → "in a statement, "When"
 * "us convey this.”" → "us convey this.""
 * "According to Wandera Hussein of The Fader, Eilish's auto-tuned vocals come in, saying it" → "Wandera Hussein of The Fader said of Eilish's auto-tuned vocals coming in that it"
 * Maybe add mention of the lyrics relating to heartbreak?
 * [16][12][13] put in numerical order
 * "In the flood." are" → "In the flood" are" since the quote ending indicates it's the end of the lines
 * "of the trees burning" → "of trees burning"
 * "outside of a house."" → "outside of a house." since this is not inside a quote so why is it here?
 * "noted that the singer" → "noted that Eilish"

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 02:30, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Reception and promotion

 * "Upon release, "When I Was Older" was generally praised by" → ""When I Was Older" was met with generally positive reviews from"
 * "and is "shaping up" → "and "shaping up"
 * "called the song" → "called it"
 * "Derrick Rossignol, writing for Uproxx magazine, stated" → "Rossignol stated"
 * "how “When I Was Older” has" → "how "When I Was Older" has"
 * "although its" → "although wrote its"
 * "and call it a" → "and called the track a"
 * "praised the song for the lyrics" → "praised the track for the lyrics"
 * "limited success on the charts" → "limited success on record charts"
 * Remove wikilink on Billboard at this point per WP:OVERLINK
 * "US Alternative Digital Song Sales" → "Alternative Digital Song Sales" and target to Billboard charts
 * "number seven on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number three on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number nine" → "number 7 on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number 3 on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number 9" per MOS:NUM instating the comparative values need to be consistent
 * [22][23][24] put them all at the end of the sentence since it's only three refs
 * ❌ --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


 * [25][26] ditto

user:Kyle Peake Which references are you talking about for 25 and 26? DarklyShadows (talk) 18:06, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
 * I mean the ones of the last sentence in this section; place both at the end of the sentence instead. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 02:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Use so there is the right space between credits and personnel

User: Kyle Peake: Can you help me? I do not know how to do this... DarklyShadows (talk) 18:11, 5 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Take "Wouldn't Leave" for example --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 02:33, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Charts

 * Are you sure it should be (Recorded Music NZ) instead for the third chart entry of the table?
 * Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts

✅ DarklyShadows (talk) 18:13, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict
but like last time I reviewed one of your articles, feel free to ask me if help is needed with anything. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:31, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

user: Kyle Peake Sorry for the late response. All of the issues should be fixed. DarklyShadows (talk) 02:56, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
 * {u|DarklyShadows}} There are some issues that you still have not fixed, I will mark a ❌ template under each. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

user: Kyle Peake Everything should be taken care of.
 * All good apart from ref 8's missing accessdate and ref 21's missing date. --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:46, 6 June 2020 (UTC)


 * I fixed those issues now. DarklyShadows (talk) 16:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Was happy to respond to you on any issues when confused arose, ✅! --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:44, 6 June 2020 (UTC)