Talk:Whitley Bay High School

Glen Boyes
Did this Glen Boyes really receive a medal of honour?

Yeah

Not in the UK Flosssock1 (talk) 20:50, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

The Ho-Gard?
Should the Ho-Gard be added to famous students?

Yeah

Dallan <3's The Ho

There should be a recentaly deceased section for people like the Ho-Gard. RIP brother... - Mr Clark 25 July 2005 01:27 (GMT)

Who is this Ho-gard? Flosssock1 (talk) 20:54, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Karl Andrew Mennear
I've added Mennear to the list of famous students, mainly because he became the Conservative candidate in Thatcher's old seat, which has some significance for the schoolchildren of the eighties.

So there's this agent, and he's desperate for talent, because the critics have savaged every act he's put on, and he's not impressed by anything he's seen this week, even the cake and tulip eaters can't go the distance. Also, one of the acts got stage fright and left a monkey running round his office in a dress. His secretary buzzes him and tells him there's four guys and a gal to see him. 'Send them in', he says.

So these five middle-aged people wearing indifferent suits and red ties shuffle in. The agent says 'Is that all of you?' 'No,' says one, 'we're the artistes, but we have some posh kids onstage with us as well.' 'Where do you get the posh kids from?' 'Well, we all used to work in education, apart from him, so we get them from schools.' 'There's no posh kids here, but you can use this monkey. Let's see the act.' The first of them asks 'What sex is the monkey?' 'It's a girl.'

So this shifty-looking guy with dark hair grabs the monkey and looks up between its legs, then throws it into a cupboard and starts snogging it and puts his hand down its top and starts feeling around. Then the lady joins in, and she wants to see the monkey shove its foot down its mouth while the shifty guy covers its eyes and starts humping it. 'This is French,' she says 'and this is American'. The lady spreads its arms out wide and the bearded guy lets the semen run out all over his wallet and spectacles. 'I used to teach town planning,' he says. 'The mafia used to put bodies in concrete, but they never got genetic samples first.'

So the third guy joins in. He's got dark greasy hair as well, and he has the monkey's arse 'I don't usually do girls' he says, 'especially now we can do all the sixteen-year-old boys we want. Course, I'm not in education, but I am into kidz TV.' He takes his finger out of the monkey's anus and makes a brown mark under its nose. 'You call this a Dirty Sanchez,' he says, and he takes out a hunting knife and cuts the monkey's head off 'but we call it a Byker Grave.'

So there's this headless monkey corpse, and the fourth guy still hasn't done his part of the act. 'You might have had all you can take,' he says 'but my dad was in the RAF, and I teach law.' He grabs the body, douses it in fuel, makes an aeroplane out of it, sets it alight and launches it out of the window. 'We call this the brain drain,' he says, as he forces the disembodied head to suck him off frantically while the monkey corpse is still burning on the ground below. After he makes a few minutes of train noises he finishes off. 'You can bury it now. I'll chuck the head in the river.'

The agent is stunned, and can't find a word for a while. 'We usually work with blue-eyed kids,' they say, 'and have a few police constables on stage to help out. Also, there's no need for you to spend a cent on publicity, as we can get all the publicity you want using our press office.'

The agent wants these psychopaths out of the office as quickly as possible, so he can clean up all the shreds of little girls dress and blood and semen and charred embers of flesh and shit before anyone notices and has him thrown into an asylum for the rest of his life. But he's been in showbusiness a long time, so he carries on as if nothing has happened. 'What do you call yourselves?' he asks.

'It's sort of a busman's holiday name,' they grin 'we call ourselves THE HOUSE OF LORDS.'

Joyce Quin added to former pupils.

Student TV Station
Removed section that stated that Bay TV had been scrapped. I am both a student at WBHS and a member of Bay TV82.39.248.98 (talk) 15:39, 10 July 2014 (UTC)

New School
upon completion of the new school, all information about the old school will become history and lots of information will become irrelevant full stop. MeButOnTheInternet (talk) 15:58, 7 January 2023 (UTC)

this school building will not exist very soon
the school is getting demolished, it will not exist. new students will attend the new building. stop reverting the edits about the new building. the old building is not in use. MeButOnTheInternet (talk) 11:41, 19 July 2023 (UTC)