Talk:Wii Play/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 08:09, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Will review. Expect comments to appear soon. MWright96 (talk) 08:09, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Gameplay

 * "Upon starting the game only one" - missing comma between "game" and "only"
 * Noted and fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 13:39, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Pose Mii

 * "The game is over scone the player allows 3 bubbles to get past them." - reword this sentence so it reads as follows: The game is over one the player allows three bubbles to get past them.
 * Noted and fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 13:39, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Laser hockey

 * "Single player mode is a two-minute match against the CPU, whereas in two-player mode the first player to score 8 points wins." - this might be better: Single player mode is a two-minute match against the CPU, whereas in two-player mode, the first player to score eight points wins.
 * Changed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 13:41, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Billiards

 * "The player uses the Wii Remote like a cue stick to hit the cue ball, which can be hit at different angles to add spin or execute jump shots." - change the first "hit" to strike to avoid repitition of the former word.
 * Noted and done. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 13:43, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "while committing a foul shot results in losing points." - in a loss of points.
 * Noted and changed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 13:43, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Fishing

 * "Points are given and taken" - deducted
 * Fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:24, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Charge!

 * "as they attempt to ride through a short course" - negotitate
 * Fixed- this one sounded kinda weird to me at first because I've never heard the word "negotiate" used in a context like that, but I looked up the definition(s) of "negotiate" and it makes sense. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:27, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Development

 * The first paragraph is awfully long and quite hard to read. You should split it up at the point you start taking about the game's development.
 * Split the paragraph at "''Wii Play" officially began development..." TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "The game was a compilation of several technical demos showing off the capbilities" - it would better to change "showing off" to exhibiting so that the article is little more formal.
 * Noted and fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * Remove the unneeded second wikilink to Shigeru Miyamoto and do the same with Wii Remote and Wii Play
 * ...Wii Play?? I can't say that I found any links to Wii Play at all, considering that the article in question is Wii Play. Did you mean to say something else or have I missed something?? Anyhoo, fixed the second WLs for Miyamoto and the WiiMote, and also removed a second one for Wii Fit (is that what you meant to type?) TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
 * Wii Fit was the game in question. It's what happens when someone rushes things. But anyways, I note that you have done this. MWright96 (talk) 15:01, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "was given around 7-8 months" - seven to eight months
 * Noted and fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "some of the demos shown off at E3 didn't make it " - did not; contractions are not allowed outside of quotations.
 * Fixed- this is a mistake I frequently tend to make when writing since I'm so used to writing with contractions and I didn't realize it was a WP policy to not use them until quite recently, so I'm glad you caught this one. I actually tried to scan through this page and look for contractions that I accidentally wrote, but I'm so adjusted to seeing them in writing that it's kind of hard to spot one out. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "was also shown off during the 2006 Nintendo Fusion Tour." - same issue as above.
 * The contraction issue?? There don't seem to be any contractions in that sentence unless I'm horribly mistaken and am completely missing something that's blatantly obvious, which is always a possibility of course. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)
 * My bad. That was an error on my part. I meant to suggest that another word should be in place of "shown off". MWright96 (talk) 15:01, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "December 2nd, 2006" - Per MOS:BADDATE, the date should be spelt as December 2, 2006
 * Fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "Wii Play was later shown off" - shown off sounds a tad unencycopedic
 * Fixed.
 * Changed "shown off" to "made playable"... does that sound good? If not then do you have any alternative suggestions?


 * "where all 9 games were presented," - spell out nine
 * Done. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:18, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Sales

 * The wikilink to NPD Group is a redirect link that needs fixing
 * Added "the" to the link so it shouldn't redirect. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:20, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "By February 2008 the game" - a comma is needed between "2008" and "game"
 * Fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:20, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "The game received a "Diamond" sales award from the Entertainment and Leisure Software Publishers Association (ELSPA)" - no need for the acronym if it is mentioned just this once time.
 * Noted and fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:20, 14 December 2017 (UTC)

Sequel

 * E3 is another redirect link that needs to be rectified.
 * Fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:23, 14 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "and features several games designed to demonstrate the capabilities of the feature." - device
 * Fixed. TheDisneyGamer (talk) 14:23, 14 December 2017 (UTC)