Talk:Wildlife (La Dispute album)

Copy edit
I've copyedited this article in response to Jonjonjohny's request at the Guild of Copyeditors page. I think I've addressed all the major prose issues (and Americanized the spelling and punctuation, though I may have missed some British-style dates in the references). I noticed a couple of other problems that are outside the scope of a copy edit. I'm noting them here, for Jonjonjohny or whoever else to address.


 * Early in the first section is this sentence: "The band decided to use lyrical elements that they had intended to use in the first album but that did not fully materialize." The article used as a reference for the sentence (now archived at http://web.archive.org/web/20130117233146/http://blurt-online.com/blogs/view/5751/) does not actually support it. If somebody can find a reference that does support it, I feel that "but that did not fully materialize" isn't the best way of wording the statement. Depending on what the source says, something along the lines of "but that were not included because they did not seem fully developed at the time" might work. I wish I could think of a more compact way to say that.


 * The article makes several references to tours the band went on while promoting the album. The tours are all over now, but the sources for some of these statements pre-date the tours, so in several places the article says the band "planned to" go here or there. The sources don't say that these tours did take place—they probably did, but without sources from after the fact it can't be demonstrated that they weren't canceled because of a sudden case of laryngitis, or whatever other mishap. Once the sources are there, all the "planned to"s can be taken out.

Anyway, I hope my edits have helped. A. Parrot (talk) 00:56, 22 July 2013 (UTC)