Talk:Will Hobhouse

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Hi - please can you tell me why you are removing the edits I make to the article? Thanks, Charlie Charlierubin7 (talk) 13:31, 22 June 2016 (UTC)
 * 1) Do not remove cited content. If there is something you think is inappropriate, discuss it on the talkpage.
 * 2) Do not use unencyclopaedic language such as " Will Hobhouse has gained a formidable reputation building brands as CEO or Chair, from cut and thrust retail names"
 * 3) Cite your sources, see WP:BLP etc. Edwardx (talk) 23:29, 22 June 2016 (UTC)

Dear Wikipedia, I am writing to suggest edits for the current article on Will Hobhouse, a British businessman and investor. I will start at the beginning of the article: 1) The article opens: "William Arthur Hobhouse (born September 1956)[1] is a British businessman and investor, chairman of the furniture store chain Heal's." I would like to suggest this does not represent a complete introductory summary of Will Hobhouse's business and professional activities. It could be lengthened and made more insightful. I would suggest: "William Arthur Hobhouse (born September 1956)[1] is a British businessman and investor, currently Executive Chair of the furniture store chain Heal's. Will is an experienced seed investor and board member of a number of UK start-ups and growth businesses. He occasionally lectures at the School for Social Entrepreneurs and has many philanthropic interests." Here are the reasons for these suggestions and additions to the article: - Contractually Will has an operational role within Heal's which makes his position different from purely that of Chair, which tends to be solely advisory. He was CEO and retains a level of operational input. He is paid by the owners of Heal's to this effect. - Will has business interests as an investor and those who search for him on your site may like to understand his career as being focused now very much on investing in start-up companies and later stage growth companies as well as having an operational within a mature business i.e. Heal's. Investing, advising, helping start-up companies now form a core part of his working life. - Will lectures at the school for social entrepreneurship which may be of interest to anyone looking for information about his interests and/or prospective investees trying to find something in common.

I believe the Early Life section to be misleading. It says: "Hobhouse was educated at Bristol University, where he studied Economics and Economic History, with sponsorship from Associated British Foods, who also paid for him to go to business school.[2]" The way this is phrased suggests that ABF paid for him to go to university which the article cited as evidence for this sentence clearly does not support. It is only by reading the article that you learn in fact they 'sponsored' him to work in his university holidays - by giving him the opportunity to work in businesses owned by ABF. I would suggest, in order to accurately reflect the articles cited by Wikipedia and with a view to informing the public accurately that this either be removed or refined to the following: "Hobhouse was educated at Bristol University, where he studied Economics and Economic History. Hobhouse was sponsored by Associated British Foods to work for their subsidiary businesses during his university holidays, which included canning peas in Kings Lynn, milling flour in Liverpool and managing a pizza base production line in Devizes. After graduating from Bristol and continuing to work for Associated British Foods the company sponsored him to go to business school. Having completed this Hobhouse returned to work for Associated British Foods as Operations Director of a frozen food business called Cordon Bleu. From this position he established his career in retail, eventually applying to Tie Rack where he became Managing Director, leading the franchising efforts and scaling the business."

3) I believe the Career section also needs filling out and improving in order to give a clear picture of Mr Hobhouse's career progression, achievement, and what he can offer to people now as an advisor and/or investor (which he currently considers a part of his later stage career). As an important destination for people searching Will Hobhouse's to recover information about him I believe it is important that Wikipedia provide an in-depth account of his career and interests. Currently the article says: "As a retailer, Hobhouse has worked with high street names such as Tie Rack, Whittard of Chelsea, Jack Wills, and Heal's, to restaurants such as Villandry and Le Pain Quotidien. Hobhouse has been the CEO of Tie Rack, and Whittard of Chelsea, as well as chairman of Jack Wills and Explore Learning among others.[3]". Whilst this paragraph is not incorrect, I believe it would benefit from development. I would suggest amending it to read as follows: "Will Hobhouse has gained a formidable reputation building brands as CEO or Chair, from high street retail names such as Tie Rack, Whittard of Chelsea, Jack Wills, and Heal’s to the restaurant Le Pain Quotidien and tutorial business Explore Learning. He currently Chairs the Board at Heals, Sunspel, Rapanui, Luna Mae and Classlist while sitting on the Board at Cornerstone, Trotters, Soane Britain and Tricouni. Will Hobhouse has been involved in a number of charities including Greenhouse Sports as Chair; The Woodland Trust as a Trustee and then Ambassador; on the commercial advisory boards at the British Museum, Royal Botanic Gardens Kew and Cancer Research UK. Will Hobhouse is a Director of Sarratt Equity which manages his portfolio of interests". I believe this more accurately reflects Will's career. These achievements are not explained in detail, which saves the need to provide evidence for each claim. The cited reference 2 within the current article supports the implication that these are realistic achievements by reference to taking Whittard of Chelsea from a few stores to 109. This is not an easy thing to do and the result in my view naturally supports the claim to then hold positions on boards of start up companies in the UK (as listed above). Moreover, the 3rd cited reference in the article specifically mentions 'leading' Sunspel and Jack Wills. I believe it is important that Wikipedia document the full breath of Will Hobhouse's career because new companies, partners or journalists will learn more about him, which will benefit their investigation. If they are looking to contact him directly it provides more opportunity to do so, if that person has a connection or interest in the same things as him. If you require written evidence from the CEOs of any of the businesses above please inform me and I will happily obtain these for you asap. Although this will distract the operators of the businesses I will do so if that is what you require to amend the article. Many thanks and I look forward to your response. (Charlierubin7 (talk) 17:22, 11 July 2016 (UTC))
 * Hi Charlierubin7, and thank you for your suggestions. My comments are below:
 * I doubt that casual readers will notice the difference between "chairman" and "executive chairman." It isn't his title as listed in Companies House either. Also, the rest of the sentences in the first paragraph need citations: see the third response below.
 * I removed the mention of being "sponsored" by Associated British Foods. What business school did he go to? I think that is a pertinent detail.
 * "Formidable reputation" is a promotional term as Edwardx already mentioned above. While it may commonly be used in press releases, it doesn't fit the neutral tone required of Wikipedia articles. You still need to provide references supporting the rest of the positions that Mr. Hobhouse holds. As this is a biography of a living person, citation requirements are stricter than for other articles. Written evidence from the CEOs is not necessary; instead, provide a link to a newspaper or website.
 * Hope this helps. Altamel (talk) 20:25, 15 July 2016 (UTC)