Talk:William L. Mercereau/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:47, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Going to review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 14:47, 6 October 2020 (UTC)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * "His home port for thirty years of his fleet of steel carferries was Ludington, Michigan." - home of his fleet of steel carferries for thirty years


 * "The old fashion technology previously involved transferring bulk material from railroad cars to steamship vessel" - antiquated


 * "The break-bulk transfer involved crews of laborers at both the loading and unloading points. That was a costly time-consuming process that was inefficient for profits." - These two sentences might be better off merged into one.

Early life and education

 * Any information about his parents and what they did?
 * {{Done}] Researched for this, but was unable to find anything about his parents. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:44, 7 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He later moved back east to Saginaw, Michigan. There as a young man of 105 pounds (48 kg) he started as a coal stoker on locomotives for the Flint and Pere Marquette Railroad." - consider merging these two sentences together


 * "After a little more than a year at this job" - just more


 * "His first steamship he worked on was" - The


 * "He later worked on the steamships Pere Marquette No. 3 and No. 5 for some time." - how much time exactly?
 * ✅ sources only say a few years.


 * Wikilink Lake Michigan


 * "Mercereau quit working for the railroad company after a couple of years" - how many years exactly?
 * ✅ copy edited


 * "to get a business degree." - more formal; obtain


 * "In August, 1898," - the first comma is unneeded

Career

 * "Technology was introducing in the 1890s" - better; In the 1890s, technology was introducing


 * "but this old technology was on its way out." - the text in bold is informal and needs rewriting to a formal style


 * "but this old technology" - antiquated


 * Wikilink carferry to the appropriate article on the first mention


 * "The next steel carferry for the railroad company was the SS Pere Marquette No. 17. It was basically the same as PM No. 15 except with more extensive cabin accommodations." - consider having both of these sentences merged


 * " This carferry originally was called the SS Muskegon and renamed as the SS Pere Marquette No. 16 as the second carferry in its fleet." - but was renamed


 * "Business was growing rapidly, so he then ordered two more steel carferries. " - With business growing rapidly, he ordered two more steel ferries.


 * "He was known as the "Father of the Fleet" since he gave 31 years of service to the Pere Marquette Railway." - known by whom?


 * "He was known as the 'father of the railroad on the water'" - same query as above


 * "for transporting as a complete loaded freight car unit." - transportation


 * "for the commercial transportation industry in general in the long run." - long-term

Later life and death

 * The Ludington Daily News states he died on the evening of September 1, 1931. It might be helpful to include this in the article body.