Talk:William Utermohlen/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 16:51, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

I can take a look at this! —  Ghost River  16:51, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lede

 * "who posthumously became known" "who became known posthumously"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "South Philadelphia" "South Philadelphia"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "military service; where he gained inspiration from Renaissance and Baroque artists." "Military service. There, he gained inspiration from Renaissance and Baroque artists."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "from 1957 to 2001;" "from 1957 to 2001,"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "and War" "and war" (while elsewhere specific wars are mentioned, as is his War series, this appears to be referring to the general concept of war)
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "around four years before his diagnosis, which would later be identified as Alzheimer's disease; and he" "around four years before his eventual diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, and he"
 * Done.


 * Delink "Alzheimer's disease" in the third paragraph
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Comma for semicolon after "in the years following his death"
 * Done, I also went and change "even" to "also" Realmaxxver (talk) 19:16, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Per both WP:INFOBOXCITE and WP:INFONAT, the information about his British citizenship should be included in the body of the article, and then not referenced in the infobox
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:19, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Early life

 * "Southern Philadelphia, Pennsylvania" South Philadelphia"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:42, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Combine first two sentences, and "His parents were first-generation German immigrants, and William was the only child that his parents had." "the only child of first-generation German immigrants."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:42, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "with the GI Bill" "through the G.I. Bill"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:42, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma needed after "in the Carribean"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:42, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "Carribean" "Caribbean"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:42, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Career

 * No comma needed after "The first artworks that William made"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * And in 1962, moved to London where he met art historian Patricia Redmond, who he would marry in 1965. Technically a sentence fragment (missing subject)
 * Not sure what you mean by "missing subject", but i changed it to "In 1962 William moved to London where he met art historian Patricia Redmond, who he would marry in 1965." Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "in response to" "a response to"
 * Done, put "which was" before "a response to"


 * "A good example" "An example"
 * Done Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma needed after "made throughout his career"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "Cycle" is inconsistently italicized throughout this section, as is "pieces"
 * Done, put "or Dante Cycle" in parenthesis Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma needed in "The Conversation pieces have been described"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma needed after "fix the events of his life"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "Synagogue were inspired" "Synagogue was inspired" for subject/verb agreement
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 19:50, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Alzheimer's disease and death

 * No comma needed after "multiple lithographs"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "World War One" "World War I"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "In August 1995, William was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, aged 61" "In August 1995, at the age of 61, Utermohlen was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Semicolon to comma after "He started drawing self portraits the same year"
 * Done.


 * "These" in "these watercolors" should be capitalized as the start of a sentence
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "The earliest Mask was made in 1994; and even though the series did continue until 1999, it was most active in 1996." "The series continued from 1994 to 1999, showing the most activity in 1996."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Can drop "Patricia" throughout this section since we already know her name
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "become more and more unrecognizable." "became increasingly unrecognizable."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "that would've" "that would have"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma needed after "from 1999"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "2000-2001, consists of just a head" "2000-2001 consist of just a head"
 * Done, kept plural of "consist" Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma after "The rest of the portraits"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "could no longer draw. William had to be sent the" "could no longer draw, and he was sent to the"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma after "Princess Louise nursing home"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "William died at the Hammersmith Hospital, on March 21, 2007, from Pneumonia." "Utermohlen died at the Hammersmith Hospital on March 21, 2007, from pneumonia."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:21, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * Semicolon to comma after "notoriety after his death"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:23, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Italicize The Lancet as a publication title
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:23, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma after "article from History of Yesterday
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:23, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Scrap the sentence on Vincent van Gogh as tangential
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:23, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Exhibitions

 * Delink exhibitions per MOS:OVERLINK
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:28, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "with his work being in twelve exhibitions from 2006 to 2008." "including 12 between 2006 and 2008." both to reduce repetition and per MOS:NUMBER
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:28, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Drop semicolon after "Notable exhibitions include"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:28, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Swap semicolon for comma after "in 2006"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:28, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

In popular culture

 * Mémorable should be italicized as a film title
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:34, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Mention that it was nominated for an Academy Award
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:34, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

General comments

 * Per MOS:SURNAME, we refer to subjects by their surname throughout the body of an article unless we need to distinguish between two individuals with the same surname. Therefore, throughout the article, all instances of "William" should be replaced by "Utermohlen"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:44, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * In the "see also" section, Everywhere at the End of Time should be italicized as an album title, and "the Caretaker" should be linked to The Caretaker (musician)
 * That was made via the Annotated link template, but I understand what you're saying, so Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:44, 10 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Pictures are relevant and are properly licensed
 * No stability concerns in the revision history
 * No obvious copyvio concerns

Looks like a lot, but mostly minor stuff. Putting on hold for now, and feel free to ping me with questions. —  Ghost River  19:06, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
 * I've made a couple additional changes based on comments left, but otherwise, looks good! Passing now! —  Ghost River  21:45, 10 October 2021 (UTC)